Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Spoiled Meat

4/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending April 26, 2019:

#3 TAMRA JUDGE AND KELLY DODD, castmates on the Real Housewives of Orange County

The only qualification needed to be a "real housewife" of any of the franchises has nothing to do with wife-ing. Catfighting. That's the only thing you need to be able to do. These two cougars who were friends, then weren't friends, then were, are not now. The two refuse to film with each other after a terrible fallout. Kelly allegedly pushed her own mother down a flight of stairs. At least that's what Tamra is claiming.

"Kelly has had some issues with her family in the past, but she has never pushed her mother down the stairs. Her mother even said that on-camera..."

Kelly is known for her hot-temper and going for the jugular. Wouldn't be surprised if she did push her momma down some steps. Bitch has anger issues. And Tamra... well, she's been known to drop a bomb or two.

Anywho, these two need to chill. But I guess if you're counting on a paycheck, you need to make some drama. Happy clawing!

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#2 MEGAN FOX

For whatever reason, the actress shared a silly photo of Shia LaBeouf from the set of Transformers-- a movie in which the two starred in. The caption from Megs was so sweet:

"Once upon a time 13 summers ago..."

Awwww. The two dated 13 years ago. But she's married now. And someone's momma. While this wasn't a cozy picture of the two of them, there were no other pics you snapped from Transformers that you could've shared to commemorate your entry into Hollywood?

Not cool. No matter how open you and your mister are about past liaisons, why share it? Yes, you're a celebrity. And yes, your dalliances have been archived and displayed in the media. There's no need to rehash. My hubs knows all about my exes, but I would never think of sharing a memory picture of any of them. If I even have any pictures of those fools...

#awkward #tacky #exforareason #respectyourspouse

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#1 VINNY GUADAGNINO, castmember of Jersey Shore

During a recent interview, Vinny was asked what his "body count' number was-- as in, how many babes did he "bag" over the years. His response:
"I really have no idea... more than 100 and probably higher than 500. It could be over 1,000."
Vurp.
"You've got to understand, I've done these, like club appearances when I was on the show. So, like, three nights a week you're in a different city, traveling around the country, things happen.

OMG! You don't win a prize! You don't get a gold medal for Poon Pilfering! You get an angry, warted "rooster" that wants to beat the ever-loving sh&t out of you for abusing him!

"But I've slowed down a lot. Like now, I'm going back to my room, going to watch Netflix -- I want to just chill, I don't want to be in bed with somebody if you don't want to wake up to them the next morning and talk to them."

I'm surprised your Richard hadn't filed for divorce years ago!

Your name should be Weenie Gangreendingo...

Jailhouse C&ck

1/4/2019

Offenders for the week ending January 4, 2019:

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#3 MADONNA

In a sad need to remain top-of-mind, it appears Madge has gotten butt implants. Just in time for the New Year! Apparently, she was performing on stage at a gay club in NYC with her 13-year-old son when patrons noticed a curvier derriere. And it's obvious she didn't receive the gluteal gain from a lot of squats. Her ass looks like a mini-Minaj-- like two cantaloupes stuffed into some stretchy pants. Fans reacted:

"Looks like she has a pillow down there!"

"GOTTA be pads. GOTTA be. Right?!?!"

Others were saying that the lump was the battery pack for her in-ears. Battery packs aren't curvy.... butt.... the truth remains to be seen. Just hope she doesn't drop her pants to prove either theory. For the love of God, put your lady stuff away!

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#2 KANYE WEST

I don't know why Yeezy has such a boner for Drake. Maybe it's because he's Canadian. If that's the case, okay. You live in our country's attic, basically, so just stay there. But for realz, Kanye is bent because Drake-- at one time-- followed his wife, Kimmie K, on the Insta. Well, lock him up! Kim has a gajillion followers because she's perpetually in a state of near-undress. Of course any straight man with a pulse in his crotch is gonna follow her! But there is no talking logic to Kanye:

"I never knew till this morning that Drake followed my wife on Instagram back in September. I had to bring this up because it's the most f*cked up thing of all and I just saw it this morning. Imagine having a problem with somebody and they follow your wife on Instagram."

Ohhhkaaaaay.

Drake and Kanye have been beefin' since Kanye accused Drake of trying to contact the Kardashians and allegedly threatening some kind of physical harm over revealing that Drake has a 14-year-old love-child.

My head hurts for so many reasons. But seriously, why isn't Kanye a reality show? So. Much. Material.

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#1 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO, "Jersey Shore" Castmember

Is it the Jersey Way to star on a reality TV show, then become a criminal? Fellow castmember Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was sentenced to eight months in prison for tax evasion, and now his buddy might be joining him in the clink if he can't get his shizz together. Ronster is a "person of interest" in a possible burglary that happened in the wee hours of New Year's Day. At least he's finally the "interesting" one from that cast. Too bad he needed a toxic relationship and potential criminal record to make that a reality.

Ronnie and his baby-momma Jen Harley are constantly on-again, off-again. So, they were "on" on New Year's Eve, but then "off" after an argument. There was alleged destruction of property, the thieving of property, but fortunately-- no violence.

Dude, get away from the Jen-uation. She's bad news. There are plenty of other spray-tanned, big-haired, teenie-bikini shore chicks for you to "dock your canoe". And most importantly-- you are the father of an 8-month-old girl. What kind of example are you setting? A sh&tty one. Back off the 'roids and man up where it counts-- your character.

Don't let your brain become as shriveled as your nuts.

Queen Bee...yotch

10/12/2018

Offenders for the week ending October 12, 2018:

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#3 MIKE "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO

I've never understood how celebrities, or pseudo-celebrities in this case, forget to pay taxes. Even if you have an accountant, it's still your responsibility to know your business. Mr. Sitch is going to prison for eight months for tax evasion. Fellow Jersey Shore castmate "Snooki" said:

"He's such a good person. He changed for the better. He's a totally different person. He doesn't deserve this right now, but obviously you gotta get that done."

Yes. Get it done. Pay your damned taxes! Sorrentino and his bro were indicted four years ago. Brother Marc is going away for two years.

For future reference: Get your shizzuation together, fool.

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#2 LACROIX

It's rare when a brand or non-person makes the list, but this is fitting. We hate liars. And you done lied to all of us! The brand is facing a class action lawsuit for false claims of being "100% natural.' Allegedly, the better-for-you beverage contains several artificial ingredients, and some are really bad. Limonene is known to cause kidney toxicity and tumors, and linalool propionate is a substance found in many flowers and spice plants and is used in cockroach insecticides. Eeeek! Well, La Crotch says this is all a cup of b.s.

"The lawsuit provides no support for its false statements about LaCroix's ingredients. Natural flavors in LaCroix are derived from the natural essence oils from the named fruit used in each of the flavors... there are no sugars or artificial ingredients contained in, nor added to, those extracted flavors."

That may be true, but methinks you're gonna lose the lawsuit. I didn't know linalool propionate is a flavor...

Never been a fan anyways. LaCroix is La Crap.

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#1 KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

Who in the actual f$ck are you, Keira? I know you're an actress, and apparently the voice of all females. Personally, I'm tired of all this male vs. female bullsh&t. I'm for people. People behaving properly. People excelling. People being good to one another. Not everything in this world is a man trying to oppress a woman. Stop with the discrimination against men. Because that's what all this "narrative" is becoming.

Ms. Keira called out Duchess Kate's public appearances, which happened just hours after giving birth to her three children. Keira ranted in an op-ed piece:

"We stand and watch the TV screen. (Kate) was out of hospital seven hours later with her face made up and high heels on. The face the world wants to see... Hide. Hide our pain, our bodies splitting, our breasts leaking, our hormones raging. Look beautiful. Look stylish, don't show your battleground, Kate. Seven hours after your fight with life and death, seven hours after your body breaks open, and bloody, screaming life comes out. Don't show. Don't tell. Stand there with your girl and be shot by a pack of male photographers."

Sure. There'd be no way in hell I'd make a public appearance hours after pushing a kid out. But I'm not a duchess. I don't know, nor fully comprehend the royal life or royal responsibilities. And last I checked, the monarch in charge is a WOMAN. So maybe your beef is that women shouldn't push women into perpetuating an ideal idea?

And... with this whole women-supporting-women thing... why do women continue to shred other women?

Yes, I'm a woman, calling you out. But again, I'm a person-ist. Not a feminist. I'm for people. Stupidity is not gender-blind.

Take some time to zip your lip and use that brain of yours. Silently.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

5/4/2018

Offenders for the week ending May 4, 2018:

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#3 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO

This 'roided-up overtly spray-tanned nut jockey is the epitome of classless. (Un)fortunately, there is no better reality TV show fodder than hot messes in a toxic relationship. Enter Ronnie. The Jersey Shore: Family Reunion cameras captured Ronnie questioning if he wanted a relationship with Jen Harley-- the woman who just gave birth to his child-- and, his ever-wandering ween. But we're just getting started. A social media war ensued between these two lovelies:

Ronnie: "Can't turn a natural born HOE into a HOUSEWIFE."

Jen: "Can't turn a coke head into a father! Yeahhh buddy."

First of all, baby momma, you accepted his "deposit", so.... Second, these two reproduced. Poor child. Well, Daddy RonBag is sorry for accusing his "girlfriend" of cheating.

"I want to apologize for earlier to my fans, and especially @tater-to-kitty I acted on my gut and not rationally. I should've never acted in a such a manor. My deepest apologies."

Why can't there be a shark attack on the Jersey Shore?

P.S. Tater to kitty?
P.P.S. It's "manner" not "manor."

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#2 MATT LAUER

Oh, goodie! Matt Prowler has broken his months-long silence over those sexual harassment allegations against him. And he's been WRONGED!

"I have made no public comments on the many false stories from anonymous or biased sources that have been reported about me over these past several months. I remained silent in an attempt to protect my family from further embarrassment and to restore a small degree of the privacy they have lost. But defending my family now requires me to speak up. I fully acknowledge that I acted inappropriately as a husband, father and principal at NBC. However I want to make it perfectly clear that any allegations or reports of coercive, aggressive or abusive actions on my part, at any time, are absolutely false."

Riiiight. As we've seen Mr. Pudding Poop Cosby, a predator's reality is not everybody else's. So (allegedly) whipping out the wang to a co-worker was merely an innocent way of asking if there were any cream sticks in the commissary? And offering sex toys to co-workers was really just a white elephant party idea gone awry?

Thanks for "speaking out". Now go away.

You must be Egyptian, cuz you're livin' in denial. Fool.

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#1 KANYE WEST

Just when Ye might be making a wee bit of sense, he goes and opens his mouth... again. Even though you've gotten a steamy pile over your comments about free-thinking and support of our President, you really stepped in it when you commented about slavery. Being a choice.

"When you hear about slavery for 400 years-- for 400 years? That sounds like a choice. Like, you was there for 400 years and it's all of y'all? It's like we're mentally in prison."

I get what you meant. But your thoughts don't flow nearly as well as your rhymes. Sigh. Well, a TMZ reporter named Van got into a verbal scuffle with Yeezy:

Now let's address Kanye's new song called "Lift Yourself". A song. About poop?

"But they don't really realize, though.
This next verse, this next verse, though?
These bars?
Watch, this some shit go:
Poopity scoop
Scoop di-di whoop!
Whoopty di-di scoop poop!"

The urban Dr. Seuss needs to zip it.

Spoiled Meat

Jailhouse C&ck

Queen Bee...yotch

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

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