Offenders for the week ending July 21, 2017:
Says it all...
#3 GWYNETH PALTROW
Dr. Twatski's at it again! How did we survive all these centuries without you? Her latest medical marvel-- stickers that promote healing. And if you make them with just the right materials and stick them on your body in the right places-- MAGICAL HEALING! Dr. T had this to say:
"Human bodies operate at an ideal energetic frequency, but everyday stresses and anxiety can throw off our internal balance, depleting our energy reserves and weakening our immune systems. Body Vibe stickers come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."
Oh, and for just $60 you'll get a 10-pack of supernatural bullsh*t thingies! Can't I just use a cool scratch-n-sniff sticker like I had as a kid and call it a day?
How 'bout this? I'm gonna stick some duct tape on your mouth. That sticker will heal the rest of us.
"Human bodies operate at an ideal energetic frequency, but everyday stresses and anxiety can throw off our internal balance, depleting our energy reserves and weakening our immune systems. Body Vibe stickers come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."
Oh, and for just $60 you'll get a 10-pack of supernatural bullsh*t thingies! Can't I just use a cool scratch-n-sniff sticker like I had as a kid and call it a day?
How 'bout this? I'm gonna stick some duct tape on your mouth. That sticker will heal the rest of us.
What a charmer...
#2 R. KELLY
Dude... We know your history of freek-a-leekness, but this. THIS is just beyond... This is slavery. Sex. Slavery. Multiple reports are surfacing that the AARP Lothario has been keeping a number of women (some very young) in homes in Chicago and Atlanta as members of a "sex-obsessed, abusive cult." Former members of his inner circle and parents of the women are standing strong with their claims that:
"he tells them what and when to eat, how to dress, how to cut their hair, when they sleep... you have to ask for food. You have to ask to go use the bathroom. He's a master at mind control. He is a puppet master."
This gives a whole new spin to a few of your songs: "It Seems Like You're Ready" & "Feelin' Yo Booty"... disgusting.
Of course, R's crew is vehemently denying the accusations. Cuz he's such an innocent... Just like poor Bill Cosby. By the way, you're not Hefner. You're more like Rapener.
I think you need to get back into that infamous closet. In fact-- make it your coffin.
"he tells them what and when to eat, how to dress, how to cut their hair, when they sleep... you have to ask for food. You have to ask to go use the bathroom. He's a master at mind control. He is a puppet master."
This gives a whole new spin to a few of your songs: "It Seems Like You're Ready" & "Feelin' Yo Booty"... disgusting.
Of course, R's crew is vehemently denying the accusations. Cuz he's such an innocent... Just like poor Bill Cosby. By the way, you're not Hefner. You're more like Rapener.
I think you need to get back into that infamous closet. In fact-- make it your coffin.
"I walk erratically, too!"
#1 AARON CARTER
Oh, the irony! Remember how he mocked Shia LaBeouf for another DUI arrest by saying:
"You won't catch me getting any DUIs."
Guess what? BUSTED! Yup. A motorcyclist called 9-1-1 to report an erratic driver. Aaron admits he was driving erratically, because his alignment was out. And so that's why he was driving poorly and... he was profiled by police. Since Aaron is a white man with tattoos driving a white SUV, well-- automatic criminal! Plus, the cops knew he was a famous person.
BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA! Who the f*ck could actually recognize Aaron Carter!?!? I saw his mugshot and thought he was Vanilla Ice. NOT a compliment! And for the record. Aaron wasn't drunk and he doesn't do drugs.
"I take Xanax, Propranolol for high blood pressure medication, and I took oxycodones for my (jaw injury)."
Oh, and he did weed nine hours before his arrest.
You could've had a great career. But instead, you're washed-up at 29 and look like a trailer-park-Justin-Bieber impersonator.
"He who lives in a glass crack house should not cast a stone..."
"You won't catch me getting any DUIs."
Guess what? BUSTED! Yup. A motorcyclist called 9-1-1 to report an erratic driver. Aaron admits he was driving erratically, because his alignment was out. And so that's why he was driving poorly and... he was profiled by police. Since Aaron is a white man with tattoos driving a white SUV, well-- automatic criminal! Plus, the cops knew he was a famous person.
BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA! Who the f*ck could actually recognize Aaron Carter!?!? I saw his mugshot and thought he was Vanilla Ice. NOT a compliment! And for the record. Aaron wasn't drunk and he doesn't do drugs.
"I take Xanax, Propranolol for high blood pressure medication, and I took oxycodones for my (jaw injury)."
Oh, and he did weed nine hours before his arrest.
You could've had a great career. But instead, you're washed-up at 29 and look like a trailer-park-Justin-Bieber impersonator.
"He who lives in a glass crack house should not cast a stone..."
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