Offenders for the week of March 2, 2015:
"Mic check, mic check, one, two, one, two!"
#3 JON GOSSELIN
OFFENSE: Pathetic
Like a cold sore, he's baaaaaack! And he thinks he's a club DJ! Check that, he's a bowling alley DJ. Woot! He brought his mad skills to Laurel Lanes' Brewsters Pub in Maple Shade, NJ. No one was on the dance floor, but his supposed fans packed the bar area. Sure.
This new career move is on the heels of several setbacks last year-- like being evicted.
Please. He's just trying to gain sympathy. WAAAAAAA, poor Jon! Granted, your ex-wife ain't no walk in the park, but... I'm going to call it like I see it. You're a fat, lazy buddha who's lost previous jobs because you're a flaming toolbag. Not feeling sorry for you. Since you're Asian, I know it's hard to find your sack-- but it's dangling there (somewhere). Since you say you want to be a good dad, quit getting fired from your various jobs! And by the way, you were an engineer. An engineer! There aren't any engineering jobs out there? Or is the only thing you want to engineer is parking your micro weenie inside some 20-year-old tramp?
You're 40-years-old. It's time to stop playin' with your Fisher Price record player and get a real J.O.B.! And by the way, it actually takes talent to be an awesome and successful club DJ. You're successful at being a waste of space.
P.S. I wonder what name you went by? DJ Pot Sticker? MC PuPu Platter? Actually, your name should be DJ Dipsh*t.
OFFENSE: Pathetic
Like a cold sore, he's baaaaaack! And he thinks he's a club DJ! Check that, he's a bowling alley DJ. Woot! He brought his mad skills to Laurel Lanes' Brewsters Pub in Maple Shade, NJ. No one was on the dance floor, but his supposed fans packed the bar area. Sure.
This new career move is on the heels of several setbacks last year-- like being evicted.
Please. He's just trying to gain sympathy. WAAAAAAA, poor Jon! Granted, your ex-wife ain't no walk in the park, but... I'm going to call it like I see it. You're a fat, lazy buddha who's lost previous jobs because you're a flaming toolbag. Not feeling sorry for you. Since you're Asian, I know it's hard to find your sack-- but it's dangling there (somewhere). Since you say you want to be a good dad, quit getting fired from your various jobs! And by the way, you were an engineer. An engineer! There aren't any engineering jobs out there? Or is the only thing you want to engineer is parking your micro weenie inside some 20-year-old tramp?
You're 40-years-old. It's time to stop playin' with your Fisher Price record player and get a real J.O.B.! And by the way, it actually takes talent to be an awesome and successful club DJ. You're successful at being a waste of space.
P.S. I wonder what name you went by? DJ Pot Sticker? MC PuPu Platter? Actually, your name should be DJ Dipsh*t.
"Hip we be. Pip, pip!"
#2 OXFORD UNIVERSITY
OFFENSE: Weak
As if this fool doesn't have enough platforms to spew nonsense, this prestigious institution of higher learning invited Kanye West to give a lecture.
What. The. F*ck!?!?!!?
Kanye gave this sage advice: "One of my biggest Achilles' heels has been my ego. And if I, Kanye West, the very person, can remove my ego, I think there's hope for everyone. People say I have a bad reputation. I think I've got the best reputation in the building."
Apparently, there isn't hope because you haven't removed your ego! It's actually grown exponentially with your lunacy! My only hope for you is that you choke on a bag of steamy "richards".
But this slap is really intended for Oxford.
You don't need to be hip. Because sometimes "hip" isn't smart or worthy. You're Oxford friggin' University. Act like it! Weren't there any humanitarians or successful entrepreneurs available with an inspirational message? Or perhaps an "average Joe" who became something amazing? Nope. Let's have this mouth-breathing fool speak to our youth.
No wonder we kicked your ass in the Revolutionary War.
OFFENSE: Weak
As if this fool doesn't have enough platforms to spew nonsense, this prestigious institution of higher learning invited Kanye West to give a lecture.
What. The. F*ck!?!?!!?
Kanye gave this sage advice: "One of my biggest Achilles' heels has been my ego. And if I, Kanye West, the very person, can remove my ego, I think there's hope for everyone. People say I have a bad reputation. I think I've got the best reputation in the building."
Apparently, there isn't hope because you haven't removed your ego! It's actually grown exponentially with your lunacy! My only hope for you is that you choke on a bag of steamy "richards".
But this slap is really intended for Oxford.
You don't need to be hip. Because sometimes "hip" isn't smart or worthy. You're Oxford friggin' University. Act like it! Weren't there any humanitarians or successful entrepreneurs available with an inspirational message? Or perhaps an "average Joe" who became something amazing? Nope. Let's have this mouth-breathing fool speak to our youth.
No wonder we kicked your ass in the Revolutionary War.
"I'm rolling over in my grave."
#1 CONRAD HILTON
OFFENSE: Pansy puss in boots
Exemplifying all that is wrong with society today, this rich bitch pleaded guilty to assault. What did our golden boy do? He had an airplane meltdown last July in which he threatened to "f*cking own the peasants on this flight". HA HA HA HA! That's the best you got? He was such a complete d-bag that he had to be handcuffed to his seat.
He then proceeded to yell at the passengers and flight attendants, shouting: "I'm going to f*cking kill you!" "I will f*cking rip through you!"
And then, the ultimate sissy-boy threat:
"I could get you all fired in five minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out!"
Bravo! Way to show that you've got nothing between your legs. And, just for the record, we "peasants" are productive members of society. Unlike yourself. All that you managed to do was be born. And that's only because your momma worked hard and pushed you out.
Conrad faces six months in prison and a measly fine of $5,000. We can only pray that you become the buns for Bubba's meat. Wouldn't that be scary for such a manly man such as yourself?
As we peasants would say: "Suck it, Richie Rich!"
OFFENSE: Pansy puss in boots
Exemplifying all that is wrong with society today, this rich bitch pleaded guilty to assault. What did our golden boy do? He had an airplane meltdown last July in which he threatened to "f*cking own the peasants on this flight". HA HA HA HA! That's the best you got? He was such a complete d-bag that he had to be handcuffed to his seat.
He then proceeded to yell at the passengers and flight attendants, shouting: "I'm going to f*cking kill you!" "I will f*cking rip through you!"
And then, the ultimate sissy-boy threat:
"I could get you all fired in five minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out!"
Bravo! Way to show that you've got nothing between your legs. And, just for the record, we "peasants" are productive members of society. Unlike yourself. All that you managed to do was be born. And that's only because your momma worked hard and pushed you out.
Conrad faces six months in prison and a measly fine of $5,000. We can only pray that you become the buns for Bubba's meat. Wouldn't that be scary for such a manly man such as yourself?
As we peasants would say: "Suck it, Richie Rich!"
PHOTO CREDIT:
Jon Gosselin https://www.flickr.com/photos/rittysdigiez/
Oxford University https://www.flickr.com/photos/28143834@N00/
Hilton https://www.flickr.com/photos/shoelessjoe/
Jon Gosselin https://www.flickr.com/photos/rittysdigiez/
Oxford University https://www.flickr.com/photos/28143834@N00/
Hilton https://www.flickr.com/photos/shoelessjoe/
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