The Stars Have Fallen...

Offenders for the week ending January 5, 2018:

With the new year comes resolutions. Sometimes it's difficult to come up with something good to fail at eventually. That's where we lend a helping hand. We suggest a resolution for each offender this week.

"(Singing) Get me some Tetley, Lipton, or mother-effin Bigelow..."

​#3 MARIAH CAREY

First of all, kudos for agreeing to come back again to Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve after last year's internet-blazing craptastic performance. She did redeem herself. Kinda. Until she couldn't resist gettin' all diva-tastic when she inquired where her tea was after finishing her first tune: 

Girl, please. Just concentrate on hitting the notes and not farting so your uber-tight costume doesn't burst open. Nobody needs injured from your flying fashion shrapnel. Maybe if your massive mams weren't exposed to the sub-zero temps of NYC, you wouldn't need any tea during your five minute show! And here's another thought-- plan ahead. Have one of your minions fetch a beverage that they can hold for you on stage, and let you sup from whenever you beckon.

I know. It sucks to be one of us...

Your New Year's Resolution: Get Tanaka tea (bagged).

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"Just call me Countess de Liqueur..."

​#2 LUANN DE LESSEPS

On Christmas Eve, The Real Housewives of New York star was busted on charges of battery on an officer, disorderly intoxication, resisting arrest with violence, and crimes against a person. She even threatened to kill police and swung at an officer. This from the woman who wrote the etiquette book "Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair" (Was that Rick Flair?)

The count-less was truly embarrassed, has apologized, and voluntarily checked herself into rehab. But, her first ex-husband-- Count Alexandre de Lesseps-- is out of f*cks to give. He wants her drop his name. 

"After she remarried she officially lost the title and now he's demanding that she stop pretending to have a title she doesn't."

Ouch. 

Maybe you need an addendum to your little book that gives us step-by-step tips on how to Zsa Zsa Gabor a police officer. 

Your New Year's Resolution: Change your name to Betty de Ford.

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"My douchebaggery is vast..."

#1 LOGAN PAUL

No wonder other countries hate on us. We take assh&les and make them famous. Like social media "star" Logan Paul-- known for his short videos about... stuff. He has more than 16 million Instagram followers, so a lot of teens like his "stuff." He recently visited Aokigahara, a dense forest known as the "Sea of Trees" on the northwestern side of Mount Fiji. The beautiful forest is sadly known as a popular destination for people to attempt suicide. Well, as soon as Logan entered the forest, he discovered a man's dead body. So, why not make that tragedy the center of your next stupid video?

His video commentary was a tasteless, poor attempt at humor. And the world got really angry at him. But he did it for the views. Or he didn't... 

But... he's, like, totally sorry: 

And now he's taking a break from vlogging. Good. Bye, you self-entitled piece of smeg. 

Your New Year's Resolution: Eat a bag of steamy "Richards". Make that an extra large bag..

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PHOTO CREDIT:
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