OFFENSE: Jealous witch
This just in: Chloe is "over" Jennifer Lawrence, calling her "crass" and "annoying". Oooooh, burn... awesome playground taunt. (Not really.) In a recent interview, the actress was asked if she worried about being typecast. She said she's "afraid that maybe people think there's more personality than acting ability."
That's where she took her shot at JLaw, who's known for being goofy and uninhibited on the red carpet. Chloe also commented on herself in the interview, saying she's not a great movie star, and that she "doesn't have the charisma" of one... that she's not that girl that "everybody adores and loves and wants to f*ck."
Wha? Cuz that's not crass at all...
Quit being the First Lady of Sullen. By the way, you are an Oscar-nominated actress, I think you're doing just fine... Oh, that's right. Jennifer Lawrence is an Oscar winner. And you're an Oscar wiener.
Sour grapes much?
P.S. Pull down your bloomers and stop sounding like a bitter-biddy!
P.P.S. JLaw says your name sounds like a disease...
OFFENSE: Downward dirty dog
Things had been almost-smooth-sailing for Chris and his on-again/off-again GF Karrueche Tran... until now. And a "bouncing" little incident. I'm not talking about his bouncing fruit bowl (but that does come into play), I'm talking about his 9-month-old bundle of joy! That he didn't have with Karrueche.
Yup. Chris knocked-up some chick. Coincidentally, Chris has been begging Karrueche to have a baby with him.
To add insult to injury, Chris is angry that his girlfriend won't answer his calls. Really? Why should she?
There's really no way to explain your way out of cheating on your girlfriend!!!! What would be your explanation? Your undies fell off and your "heat seeking missile" found a warm, open target?
You're a disgrace to your gender... and basically, to all of humanity. I'd like to put your junk in a vice grip... then rip!
OFFENSE: Nasty beyotch
This so-called journalist decided to take shots at Kelly Clarkson's weight. She tweeted:
"What happened to Kelly Clarkson? Did she eat all of her backing singers?"
Then she wrote: "Look, chubsters. Kelly Clarkson had a baby a year ago. That is no longer baby weight. That is carrot cake weight."
When called-out for her fat-shaming, she said there is no such thing. Instead, she said there is only skinny-blaming: "It doesn't hurt me if I hurt someone's feelings. If you're in the media, you have to accept what comes your way."
Okay. So here it goes, crotch-waffle. When did you become a nutritionist or a health expert? Oh. You're. Not. You're an old, prune-faced talking head. A hooker's jay jay looks better than your jacked face.
And-- of course we can't hurt your feelings. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO HEART OR SOUL. You're not even good enough to be a piece of poo on a car in lower Akron.
You are the problem with our world. We all need to get over this body-shaming trend. Perhaps if you got friendly with some Oscar Mayer, you might not be so cranky. Then again, you're just projecting your own self-hatred onto someone you're deep-down-inside jealous of.
By the way, Kelly is a class act. Her response to all of this?:
"I'm awesome! It doesn't bother me. It's a free world. Say what you will. I've just never cared what people think. It's more if I'm happy and I'm confident and feeling good, that's always been my thing. And more so now, since having a family — I don't seek out any other acceptance."
Take that, you weathered wenchbag!
Chloe Sevigny https://www.flickr.com/photos/orangeintense/
Chris Brown https://www.flickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography/
Angry cat https://www.flickr.com/photos/spakattacks/