Offenders for the week ending February 17, 2017:
This week's Slap-ees will each receive a Vogee Award (Yes, my own award.)
"I love you..."
#3 AARON CARTER
In a bizarro interview in which he started out with a claim that he paved the way for Justin Bieber, he then took a complete left turn into Rankville with a revelation about his first celebrity crush Sandra Bullock. I don't know when this was, but A.C. was hangin' with Demi Moore and her kids somewhere, when Sandra walked into the room. Aaron got so nervous at seeing his beloved crush, that he...
Farted.
And then, Sandra walked away.Way to blow it, so to speak. I personally think he was trying to impress her, because boys are icky and gross. The bigger question I have is why did Demi and the kiddos stick around? Is there some kind of pleasure derived from sitting amongst a fart cloud? Is that how Bruce Willis or Ass-hton Kutcher wooed her?
Enough of that. Before you know it, the sentiment "I *heart* you" will become "I *fart* you."
Your Vogee Award: Worst One Cheek Sneak
Farted.
And then, Sandra walked away.Way to blow it, so to speak. I personally think he was trying to impress her, because boys are icky and gross. The bigger question I have is why did Demi and the kiddos stick around? Is there some kind of pleasure derived from sitting amongst a fart cloud? Is that how Bruce Willis or Ass-hton Kutcher wooed her?
Enough of that. Before you know it, the sentiment "I *heart* you" will become "I *fart* you."
Your Vogee Award: Worst One Cheek Sneak
"I didn't shave my head, but I look like a ballerina hooker."
#2 KATY PERRY
During a red carpet interview for a pre-Grammys telecast, Hate-y took a random and unnecessary shot at Britney Spears. Ryan Seacrest asked her about her hiatus from music. She spewed:
"It's called taking care of your mental health... I haven't shaved my head yet."
Wow! That's not throwin' shade. That's throwin' a whole damned eclipse! You've worked with her, AND on top of that-- Brit-Brit has said publicly how much she admires you. Shame!
We all make mistakes. Sadly, Britney's head-shaving is a part of pop culture history. But do we need to keep bringing it up? I'd consider your marrying that dirty-butt Russell Brand cray-cray, but are we all picking that scab? (Wait. We just did. Not sorry.)
Why don't you go make-nice with Left Shark and leave Britney alone!
Your Vogee Award: Best Placement of The Letter 'B' in Bitch
"It's called taking care of your mental health... I haven't shaved my head yet."
Wow! That's not throwin' shade. That's throwin' a whole damned eclipse! You've worked with her, AND on top of that-- Brit-Brit has said publicly how much she admires you. Shame!
We all make mistakes. Sadly, Britney's head-shaving is a part of pop culture history. But do we need to keep bringing it up? I'd consider your marrying that dirty-butt Russell Brand cray-cray, but are we all picking that scab? (Wait. We just did. Not sorry.)
Why don't you go make-nice with Left Shark and leave Britney alone!
Your Vogee Award: Best Placement of The Letter 'B' in Bitch
"Raise your hand if you think CeeLo is loco?"
#1 CEELO GREEN
WTF was that costume he wore to the Grammys!?!? He was covered head-to-toe in a gold suit, complete with a gold mask. Was he feeling left out, so he awarded himself, himself?!?! Or maybe he's a new superhero:
C-3P-No!
Or, is he trying to make his song "Crazy" a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe he's trying to make us all forget he pleaded no contest to providing a woman ecstasy against her will. Or his questionable tweets about rape:
"Women who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!"
And this gem:
"If someone is passed out, they're not even WITH you consciously! So WITH implies consent."
Or...maybe he's outing a freak-a-leak faction that's into bumpin' uglies with people dressed up like trophies. It's all so beautifully mind-boggling.
P.S. Kudos to you. We ARE talking about you... even if the talk isn't flattering.
Your Vogee Award: The Ultimate Desecration of a Precious Metal
C-3P-No!
Or, is he trying to make his song "Crazy" a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe he's trying to make us all forget he pleaded no contest to providing a woman ecstasy against her will. Or his questionable tweets about rape:
"Women who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!"
And this gem:
"If someone is passed out, they're not even WITH you consciously! So WITH implies consent."
Or...maybe he's outing a freak-a-leak faction that's into bumpin' uglies with people dressed up like trophies. It's all so beautifully mind-boggling.
P.S. Kudos to you. We ARE talking about you... even if the talk isn't flattering.
Your Vogee Award: The Ultimate Desecration of a Precious Metal
PHOTO CREDITS:
Katy Perry https://www.flickr.com/photos/oouinouin/
C-3PO https://www.flickr.com/photos/zetotal/
Katy Perry https://www.flickr.com/photos/oouinouin/
C-3PO https://www.flickr.com/photos/zetotal/
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