Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

Flash Bang

8/3/2022

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Something about all that hardware makes people randy.

The Fort Gerhard military museum in Poland has a lot of artillery on display. Apparently, it's a turn-on for some couples. The museum had to take to Facebook to asks guests to stop having sex in the exhibits. Three times in one month couples have been stroking some rockets.

Maybe instead of a bucket list, these peeps have a f&ck it list.

On a Roll

7/27/2022

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Sometimes a tasty morsel gets into a disagreement with our digestive system and things happen.

via GIPHY

A man claims that a nasty ham roll has ruined his life. The dude visited a Christmas market back in 2017 and was lured by the delicious looks of a ham roll from one of the vendors. He said that within hours of eating this treat, he was treated to digestive distress and was "bedridden for five weeks."

And, he's had death farts for the past 5 years. He believes salmonella or e coli are to blame. The ham roll seller says he's not to blame. The forever farter wants over $240-thousand in damages. That's all you want? I'm assuming if your ass is so pugilistic, you'd be asking for more. I'm sure if you're all Hurricane Fartknocker, no one wants any naked time with you-- unless stench is a turn on. I'm sure it's difficult to be an office worker with the "cubicle of death". Methinks something's a little more sour here then your stomach.

Hard Workout

7/20/2022

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Hey-- if you can recycle, do it! One company is repurposing unused sex toys into footwear.

via GIPHY

Yup. Good vibrations all around! Thanks to what the company calls a "complex recycling system", Plastic Soul is taking it from the hole to the sole.

Maybe that shouldn't be their slogan. Or should it?

Blasted!

7/13/2022

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Please. Fart. I know. It's not polite to do so in front of others, but there are consequences if you don't.

via GIPHY

Earlier this year, Brazilian singer Pocah found herself in the hospital for holding in her farts. And now, influencer Viih Tube found herself in the same distress for the same reason. Tube (great name) was at the airport when her pains became so severe, she had to be put in a wheelchair while help arrived. She should've used her butt tube to evacuate the gas from within.

Doctors warn people that holding on to that gas just makes things worse. Meaning, that toxic fog is absorbed into your bloodstream and will manifest as a burp.

Let. It. Rip.

Whistle While You... Everything

7/6/2022

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Some people can whistle. Some people can't. Some people can make interesting sounds with their bodies. Unintentionally. Like this poor 72-year-old man who had the unintentional, unique ability to make his sack whistle. Yes, his sack.

via GIPHY

And it's fortunate his scrote could whistle, because it saved his life. Dude's lungs had collapsed and all that trapped air needed somewhere to go. Since he had an open wound on the left side of his bag from a recent surgery, the air was able to escape. He's all better now. Imagine in the pants orchestra he had going on with the farting and singing fruit bowl.

"G" Spotted

6/29/2022

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The best laid plans... Well, the goal was to get laid. But that got nixed by Grandma.

via GIPHY

Mackenzie Lynn Smith shared on TikTok how she decided to spice things up with her hubs. She slipped into a sexy, lacy, black lingerie-thingie to greet her husband in the garage. The garage door was still up (take the hint, wiener) so Mackenzie did a quick look around to make sure none of her neighbors would see her assets. Whew! All clear. So, she quickly jumped into the passenger side, all ready and randy. But her husband put his hand over his face, mortified.

Because grandma was in the backseat. Oops. But at least grandma gave the young lass some props:

"Well, hi, sweetie. Don't you look cute."

#DeflagatePart3

Wonder if she was wearing what would be equivalent to one of Granny's doilies? Do grandmas even have doilies anymore?

Trashy

6/22/2022

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They are durrrrty in Sweden. So much so, that some much needed dirty talk is encouraged.

via GIPHY

In an effort to clean up the streets, the city of Malmo has installed "talking trash cans" that share "racy messages" every time someone disposes of trash in a receptacle. Some of the messages include: "Oh yes, right there," "Come back soon and do that again," and "Mmmmm, a bit more to the left next time."

Love. It.

Fellate-O-Fish

6/15/2022

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You always hope to catch a big one when you're out fishing. Richard Kesar and Jon Loop were fishing the Ohio River in Indiana when Jon caught his first-ever blue catfish. Kudos! The fish had a few lumps around its midsection, but, hey-- blue catfish! When they brought the fish home and cleaned Mr. Blue, they found a ball inside. A ball that was asex toy. Oh, and a dildo.

via GIPHY

Richard's wife quickly covered their 3-year-old daughter's eyes while they were chuckling at the discovery. Poor Mr. Blue thought he caught the biggest worm of all time.

Some kind of Deep (Fish) Throat going on here...

Dildon't

6/8/2022

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The strangest of laws exist all over the country. And sometimes they are buried deep within to the point that nobody knows about them. In Texas, you can own as many firearms as you want. But when it comes to adult toys, well, the magic number is six.

via GIPHY

Texas Penal Code (how appropriate) section 43.23 deals with obscenity. Provision "F" (again, appropriate) states that anyone who owns "six or more obscene devices or identical similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same." This means no dildos or "artificial vaginas." Mississippi, Virginia, and Alabama have similar laws.

Ironic that southern states have issues with southern action...

More Than the Meats

5/25/2022

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There are some sick effin' people amongst us. One such person is a dude named Stephen Sharp. He was already under investigation for child porn when he decided to fess-up to his fetish. And what fetish would that be? Adding a secret ingredient to the Arby's milkshake mix while he worked as a night manager.

via GIPHY

And police have hard evidence, because the not-so-sharp Sharp took videos of himself tinkling in the mix. Maybe 30-40 people were served the tainted shakes. Gag. The next time something tastes funny, there may be a really gross reason...

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Flash Bang

On a Roll

Hard Workout

Blasted!

Whistle While You... Everything

"G" Spotted

Trashy

Fellate-O-Fish

Dildon't

More Than the Meats

About The "V" Spot...

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