Instead of a kissing booth maybe there will be a.... nevermind.
FYI: It's en vogue to let the 'fro grow. As in, the southern-hemisphere-shrubbery.
That's because Fur Oil (that's what it is indeed called) makes things less barbed wire-y. If you want the au naturel life without the oh-what-have-I-done feeling, scrounge up the $44 for your pants Chia pet. The Fur Oil will apparently make you so much more pet-able.
Instead of a kissing booth maybe there will be a.... nevermind.
There are some things that are just unbelievable, but then you discover that it is beautifully real. And twisted. And so... male....
See, there's a male duck in the UK named Dave who couldn't get enough quacktion. For realz. He developed sepsis for overusing his wonder wang.
Vets had to amputate little Dave because he would mate with his female companions between five and 10 times a day-- whether or not it was mating season. And in quite the female response, his unwilling participants would wander off during sex or-- peck at his pecker. Even with his bobbed Bobbitt, he still craved the pink "quacko".
Use it or lose it. He used it and still lost it. Poor Dave.
Talk about ringing the holiday season in with a bang... No, really. And I don't mean any traditional firearms.
70-year-old Susan Roscillo, and her 60-year-old "friend with benefits" Robert Kellogg were caught in some "adult tag" on a sidewalk outside a theater on Thanksgiving night. A witness said the laid-y in waiting was on her back with her pantless-legs in the air while playing with Kellogg's "joystick."
Both have been appropriately charged for their inappropriate behavior. Yes, alcohol was involved.
The one-liners are endless:
Want some gravy for those taters?
Are those raisins in the cranberry sauce?
Can you get in that wishbone formation? Wink, wink...
Grandpa likes the breasts and thighs...
P.S. Kudos to Roscillo for being a cougar. Just keep it off the sidewalk in front of 12-year-old kids.
P.P.S. And all I can think about is Tony the Tiger saying "They're grrrreat!" cuz of the whole Kellogg's thing...
Surely, you've heard the phrase: "Stick it where the sun don't shine!" It appears some wellness folks are turning that saying on its hind end. Seems sunning ones "perineum" is all the starfish rage.
One wellness "expert" said: "In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butth*le, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on."
Maybe. But I won't be breaking any laws, either. I'm surprised Gwyneth Paltrow isn't behind this one. Anywho, if you wanna give it a try just drop yo clothes and drop down on your back. Legs up in a "V" formation, or grab them knees to your chest!
Let the sunshine in...
Can you imagine going for a walk and seeing these sunsoakers?
ME: "Look at that assh*le!"
ME: "No. I mean, literally, look at that assh*le!" (pointing)
P.S. This type of sunbathing also works for the "cookie jar"... Instead of a "pocketful of sunshine", she has a box full of sunshine. More is better, no?
Look. Adulting stuffs ain't fun. I've been cleaning since the age of two and cooking since the age of nine. I. Am. Tired. But... I still take care of business. Not Stephanie Carlson. This Ohio woman apparently couldn't clean one more thing and decided to try a different method-- fire.
She pulled into a Walmart (strike one) and decided her car was a filth pit. Time for a wash. But last I checked, Walmart doesn't have a car wash... Next (il)logical step? Set that bitch (the car) on fire (strike two). Carlson poured gas on the seats and dropped a lighter because it was a dirty car with a jacked up front wheel.
The car actually belongs to her husband, who was less-than-thrilled that his wifey poo went missing and torched his car (strike three). Don't think Jake from State Farm can help with this one...
It's not trending here-- yet-- but women overseas are trying to tightening up their "love canal" with... toothpaste.
Why are women doing this? Because they believe the toothpaste will take that highway from a four-lane down to a two-lane.
Why do some people believe "old wives' tales". Or Gwyneth Paltrow. Or stupid sh*t!?!? I mean, I understand "oral hygiene"... but not like this. Oh-- and don't laugh, guys. Some of your male counterparts are pasting-up their "toothbrush" with the hopes of being deemed "stand up" fellas...
Here's some medical advice from non-medical people: 5 out of 5 rational-thinking women say "DON'T PUT TOOTHPASTE IN YOUR JAYJAY!"
This is not the tingle you want...
You may be on vacation, but you need to be on your best behavior, nonetheless. Just ask German couple Renate and Volker. They were having a fabulous time aboard their TUI Cruises ship. Until things got hot and heavy, and loud.... as in, the-motion-of-the-ocean-is-matching-the-motion-of-these-bedsprings...
Apparently, the couple's cries of passion, followed by an equally-boisterous argument led to the couple getting das boot from the boat. (Doesn't the arguing usually happen before the sexual healing? wink wink) Of course, they're suing for vacation costs, and emotional damages.
If the boat is a rockin'...
I love Fall. It's my favorite season for a number of reasons: the colors; the cooler temps; the flavors (not pumpkin spice.) But I don't love Fall like this guy loves Fall.
A British man was busted for bustin' a nasty move with a pile of leaves...
Yup. Michael Golsorkhi was makin' the love with a pile of leaves in a restaurant parking lot. He was spotted with his trousers around his ankles, thrusting around-- in full view of families trying to eat dinner.
The 26-year-old was under the influence of some substances, and has been in trouble with the law before.
I can only imagine his pillow talk:
"You like how I rake them leaves, baby?"
"Oh, yeah. Your leaf fort is turning me on."
"I got your Fall cleanup right here..."
Who doesn't sit around a la birthday suit while enjoying and adult beverage? Usually, that's an activity done in the serenity of one's own homestead. But in England, the historic Coach and Horses pub is making more history. It's the first pub in the city in London to be granted a nudist license.
There are some rules, though. The nudity has to be pre-arranged and consensual, and occur on specific occasions. All that sticking to leather and vinyl chairs... Maybe they're made of wood?
We hear the term so often nowadays: Self-Care. We're just not taking the time to make time with ourselves... We're not talking about the old-fashioned tradition of Rosie Palm and Her Five Sisters. Pffft... We're talking about a jacuzzi, for "the boys."
There is a for-real product available on December 9th just for the boys, er, dudes-- the Testicuzzi. "One dunk of the boys into this fine testicle jacuzzi is sure to tickle your fancy and soothe your manliness.
Instead of a partner's face, or some rando coffee mug, you can tea-bag this. For just $39.95. Or the $10,000 limited-edition gold-plated version.
That's just nuts...
About The "V" Spot...
Welcome to what's floating around in my mind. Some serious. Some silly. But all me. You've been warned...