Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

In the Gutter

12/23/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

It's horrible when family sues family. Even worse when a child sues his parents. Even even worse-- when a grown man sues his parents for tossing his porn collection...

via GIPHY

And he won! Forty-two-year-old David Werking (it) sued his mom and pops after they threw away a "trove of pornography and an array of sex toys." David claims his stash is worth $25,000. His parents aren't so sure about that. The two parties have until February to work (rub) out a settlement. The parents claim their son has some"issues", and they did him a favor by ejecting the items. Methinks there was a lot of interesting items in his "trove"-- like things you only know about if you're on the dark web.

Anywho, I'm sure this was a hard case for everyone.

Get on Up

12/16/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

Mix-ups happen. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes, not so much. And other times, it's a draw. That might be how some dudes feel after generic Viagra and an antidepressant were packaged (HA!) together.

via GIPHY

Distributor AvKare is voluntarily recalling the pills after a third party vendor effed it all up.

Let's break this down: Either way, your spirits will belifted. One literally, the other figuratively.

#wienerroulette

Flying V

12/9/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

You really are "flying the friendly skies" with this flight attendant. Cuz she's offering more than a bag of peanuts on your trip. How 'bout some panties-- used or unused?

via GIPHY

A British Airways air hostess took some risque photos while in uniform, while in-flight to lure prospective customers with her extra services. For a mere $30 one can own her panties; for $66 (What? No '69') you can meet up with per post-flight:

"If you ever want adult entertainment on-board, all you have to do is give me a sum of money and you'll be treated to a whole (or is that hole) different experience of your choice"

While some are calling her a prostitute (So properly British. I'd call her a Mile High Ho), others are saying this is an example of how staff can't afford to live off of their wages from the airline.

Some airlines she could work for:
jetBlo
Queefer Airways
Areola Float
All Nipple Airways
Aer (cuni)Lingus
Southoftheborder Airlines

Stiffed

12/2/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

Some things are so earth shattering they should be celebrated, and honored, and archived. And now, it's time for the "little blue pill" to be immortalized forever via film. Get ready, kiddos, for Viagra: The Musical.

via GIPHY

Actor and playwright Kwame Kwei-Armah and Spike Lee will tea bag some paper to regale us with the origins of the erectile dysfunction medication. The film will be based on a 2018 article in Esquire by David Kushner that chronicled the original use for Viagra, and what it grew to become.

May we suggest some songs?

Let's play off of the song "Funkytown": "Won't you take me to, Boner Town...."
Also, we could rework "Karma Chameleon" as "Cum-a-chameleon".

What are your song suggestions?

Woodn't It Be Nice

11/25/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

When art and reality collide... Swansea Park in Wales needed a tune up. All those tree stumps are a blight. Here's an idea: make 'em look like wieners!

via GIPHY

That wasn't the intention, but that's what happened! The tree stumps were supposed to bere-imagined as mushrooms. Riiight. Apparently, mushrooms were enjoyed prior to the conception of this idea. Because these mushrooms look like man stuff. So, a woody area filled with wood. Plus, mushrooms look like flesh rockets anyways... Now, the whole damn park is being eunuch-ed.

Perhaps this should've happened in the first place... to everyone involved.

So, Ohhhh-maaaazing!

11/18/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

There are foods rumored to be aphrodisiacs-- producing that looove feeling. But apparently, the biggest pile of chocolate was no match for a chicken sandwich. In particular, a Popeye's chicken sandwich.

via GIPHY

Thirty-eight-year-old Vanessa Lee Jones of Florida (of course) was arrested outside of a Popeye's location at 10 in the morning. She was naked near a dumpster... pleasuring herself. Surprisingly, no drugs or alcohol were involved. Which means, that chicken made her reach for the taco!

I heard the Popeye's chicken sandwich was yummy-- it sold out everywhere when it debuted, but... who knew it'd give your tastebuds a mouthgasm so intense, you just needed to drop your pants and fiddle around.

#LoveThatChickenFromPopeyes

Pumped & Dumped

11/11/2020

Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...

Charity is a good thing. Why trash items when someone else can find purpose with them? Surely, someone has a need for a used dildo?

via GIPHY

A British woman posted a picture of some second-hand items she was giving away-- no money required. Apparently, she didn't preview her pics-- because several people called her out for posting two sketchy used items: The afore(skin)mentioned adult toys. Our gal played the blame game saying they were "her friend's" and that one of the items was a "pump" and, therefore, not a sex toy.

1. Hanging out with Austin Powers, are we?

via GIPHY

2. These items don't belong to you, yet you know a little sumthin'-sumthin' about them...

3. Perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt. These are "massagers". You know, to get those kinks out...

Shook Me All Night Long

11/4/2020

There's nothing worse than rude neighbors. Especially if they're always loud-- be it parties, music... or sexual relations.

via GIPHY

A Manchester, England woman claims her neighbor's loud happy-fun-time is ruining her life, and the lives of her children.

"At first, I thought it's going to stop, maybe she's got a new boyfriend and the novelty will wear off. But it just never ended."

Guess the dude comes... over... at the same time. But(t) sadly, there's nothing that can be done (except the happy neighbor lady) because Manchester Council says "it's a natural noise."

P.S. Does Mr. Boner arrive at ass-past midnight?
P.P.S. Congrats to neighbor lady throwing a pants part every night!

Dearly Departed Dolly

10/28/2020

It's sad when you lose someone so close to you: a friend; a family member; a lover. Especially since you may have horny-cided your "lover" into an early grave. Imagine a funeral service for your sex doll.

via GIPHY

A smart Japanese entrepreneur/artist is catering to heartsick solo-ish artists by holding memorial services for a measly $800.

"Many love them as if they were human members of the family... (and) don't want them to be shredded as garbage."

For that $800, your loved-on one will be placed in a casket, swaddled in burial attire (thank goodness), and adorned with garlands.

Is it tacky to bring your new blow-up buddy to the funeral?

Bummed

10/21/2020

Taxes. We all hate them. Not one person I know has ever been pumped about paying taxes. Some people try to evade payment in many ways. Like smuggling goods into their home country to avoid taxes. But 99.999999% of the time, they get busted. In this case, I actually feel badly for the airport security team who had to deal with this fool who felt hisrear storage unit would help him pull a fast one on India's version of Uncle Sam.

A man was caught with $60,000 worth of gold bullion... in his bum.

via GIPHY

Dude was all walking funny, which drew some attention. And then the sh&t was all over. At least the gold wasn't in nugget form. More like accommodating strips... to slip in an out of hiding easier. Vurp.

And apparently, someone else on the same flight tried to avoid getting their gold taxed. No word on where they hid their loot. Look, unless your exit strategy is lined in titanium, you're gonna get caught.

P.S. Is this why pirates call their haul booty? #BlameCaptainJack

P. P. S. I'd take this butt gold and try to sell it as a new thing called "chocolate gold". Get it? #badpun

<<Previous

Forward>>

In the Gutter

Get on Up

Flying V

Stiffed

Woodn't It Be Nice

So, Ohhhh-maaaazing!

Pumped & Dumped

Shook Me All Night Long

Dearly Departed Dolly

Bummed

About The "V" Spot...

Categories

Archives