Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

Snatcher

9/15/2021

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Some people love to collect things. Like bobbleheads and Funko Pops. And then, there's underwear collecting...

Japanese police have accused a 56-year-old man with thieving women's underthings from coin-operated laundries. Oh, but(t) there's more! Police found 730 pieces of women's underwear in Tetsuo Urata's apartment. Get this, though. Police said it'd been a while since they've made such a large bust, saying they hadn't confiscated "such a large number of panties in years."

WTH? Not totally surprising, since the Japanese are known to be into the kink.

Question: The thrill in stealing panties involve unclean pairs? Because all those Snuggle bear ones would smell the same?

Free Willy

9/8/2021

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Who would have a problem with a big willy?

via GIPHY

A mom in the U.K. was furious at the Fantastic Sausage Factory for their Big Willy mascot. Willy is a large glasses-wearing wiener, complete with a bottle of mustard and ketchup in-hand. That's not the offensive part. Willy is adorned with a sign that announces who he is and humbly requests that customers not "sit on (my) Big Willy." While most customers get a big laugh from Willy, one Karen was infuriated when her 6-year-old read the sign out loud.

Slow your roll, girlfriend!

And seriously, didn't a wiener get you into motherhood? Perhaps that's the real issue here.

Crying Foul

8/25/2021

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Sometimes life deals you a bad hand-- like when it comes to your surname. Your great-great-great something-or-other arrived here and may have been given a bastardized version of the family's original surname. And sometimes, things don't work out-- especially if your surname is slang for something genitalia-related. Like "Cox".

via GIPHY

The governor of Utah recently received an anonymous letter complaining of his "foul, dirty name."

"I do not know if you know this, but when people say your surname it sounds like the word c*ck. It's obscene!"

Perhaps if this person would embrace a Cox, they'd be happier. Plus, Governor Spencer Cox could've had a way more "foul" name. Like, Harry Cox. Or Flex Cox. Or Dick Cox. Or say he was of Eastern European descent-- Flaccid Cox.

Sad this letter writer didn't have the balls to reveal his own name to Cox...

Whacked Job

8/18/2021

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Sometimes a dirty ol' thief gets exactly what he should-- a whoppin'! From Russia-- without love-- CCTV footage shows a man entering a sex shop, brandishing a knife, and demading money from the woman behind the counter. But she was not playin'. Instead of complying, she grabbed an 18-inch sex toy off the counter and beat him over the head before chasing him out!

via GIPHY

Talk about a dickhead...

Stroking Out

8/11/2021

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Nobody warned nobody about this! A Japanese man pleasured himself nearly to death! Legit!

via GIPHY

The 51-year-old's several-times-a-day handy habit caused a subarachnoid hemorrhage. As soon as he finished with spank #70 (we're guessing), he experienced headaches and vomiting. Apparently, the blood rushed to his bigger head-- so he went to the hospital and explained the situation. Doctors say he ruptured a vessel in his brain.

After two weeks in the hospital, he was sent home in excellent shape. Perhaps he'll back off the whack now...

Sneakin' & Sniffin'

8/4/2021

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Landlords can enter your dwelling at-will. Of course, protocol dictates giving notice before entering. But this landlord in Connecticut probs isn't the most by-the-book guy, considering he's accused of breaking into a tenant's apartment and sniffing her underwear.

via GIPHY

Check that. Sniffing her underwear and her daughter's. And it was all caught on video. After sensing someone had been in their place, and noticing some things may have been out of place-- mom set up a camera. And there Jorge Orellana-Arias was seen breaking in and heading straight for the bedrooms, holding undies up to his nose.

I once joked with a landlord that he could help himself to wine in the fridge and yes, sniff the undies-- so long as he put them back. He laughed, nervously. It was my way of saying, "I know what you're up to if you're thinking of being up to no good."

Perhaps Jorge is misunderstood. He was just checkin' out which panties would make for a good face mask, since the mandates might return?

No.... he's a perv.

Boxing Babies

7/28/2021

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No surprise that this action went down in New York. Supposedly, some parents were running a "kiddie fight club."

via GIPHY

Parents bring their 5-to-7-year-olds together to fight at some undisclosed location. The parents say there are specific rules-- like no kicking or punching. Okay? Then how da fuque are they fighting? Just slaps? Pinches? The adults say they got the idea after they saw how much their kids enjoy pretend fighting on the playground.

Oh, pretend fighting.

Though many parents say it was more than pretend... The thing is, if you're going to run this type of extra-curricular club, don't videotape it or talk about it. Did you not learn rule #1 of Fight Club?

Highway to Hell

7/21/2021

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My inner 12-year-old boy got a kick out of this story. A huge tanker truck burned for hours, shutting down I-75 near Troy, Michigan. The unfortunate incident happened bear the Big Beaver Road exit, which is exit number 69.

I. Can't.

Teachable moment: Trying to drive to the hole might get you in trouble... And, the "huge tanker" was burning. Need to practice safe driving.

via GIPHY

Hey, Batter Batter

7/14/2021

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COVID what!?!? It was a rock-out with your c*ck event recently in the UK. The four-day Swingathon 2021 had nothing to do with baseball, or swings. Well, maybe some swings were involved...

via GIPHY

There was a healthy attendance of 200 people, though 400 tickets were sold at $277 per couple. Tents were being pitched, as in four-person tents of pleasure, along with hot tubs, naked singing, fetish demonstrations, bouncy castles, a wet t-shirt contest, a mobile dungeon, and the Mr. and Mrs. Swingathon Competition.

Was there a talent portion, cuz that could get interesting...

Whatever floats your boat, or rings your ding...

P.S. I feel like this should be on the soundtrack.

Uncle Son

7/7/2021

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There is nothing more soul-crushing than when you're cheated on. Unless your partner cheated with a family member. Who then knocked your partner up. Oh-- your partner cheated with your grandpa and is carrying his baby.

via GIPHY

Samir Simpson-Bay shared his tale of woe via TikTok. Dude trolled his girlfriend's phone, only to discover years' worth of explicit messages and pictures between gramps and gf. She became preggo with gramps' baby. Now, Samir wants to raise the baby-- his uncle-- as his "son", though he's not the father. Samir says he shouldn't really be surprised, considering he knew that virile grandpa had another family living around the corner from his home with grandma.

I can't.

I know there's no Hallmark card for this situation. But I'm starting to think there's a market for such messy situations...

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Snatcher

Free Willy

Crying Foul

Whacked Job

Stroking Out

Sneakin' & Sniffin'

Boxing Babies

Highway to Hell

Hey, Batter Batter

Uncle Son

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