I don't know what it is about Florida, or summer sausage and Florida and summer sausage... but for whatever reason, the two are like peanut butter and chocolate. Over the past year, there have been numerous stories of dumb criminals stealing summer sausage. Here's our latest heist-er:
"... any sausage that can be kept without refrigeration. Summer sausage is usually a mixture of pork and other meat such as beef or venison. Summer sausage can be dried or smoked, and while curing ingredients vary significantly, curing salt is almost always used. Seasonings may include mustard seeds, black pepper, garlic salt, or sugar."
Well no wonder 41-year-old David Randall Bertram of Fort Walton Beach, FL, ran from a Publix with $10.38 worth of of summer sausage! He was caught by police, but he ran from the cruiser (sausages in hand,) then jumped off a bridge. The drop was eight feet-- but he was uninjured. Whew! Cops had to taser him twice before they could escort him to jail. If that weren't bad enough, he gave a false name while being processed. That's what bothers me the most. Why? Be proud of your crime! You're willing to jump off a bridge for it! Use your damn name!!!
I can only imagine his faux name: Harold Johnsonville? Eduardo Eckrich? Timmy Dean? Fred Evans?
I hope he wolfed-down the sausage before his arrest! Unless it was a gift... Ick.