Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

Dean Wormer Was Right!

3/29/2017

But yet so many people do. So. Many. I've never been to Pevely, Missouri, but perhaps I should visit. People seem to be very open there. Very... exposed. And comfortable in a stranger's home.

Apparently, Catherine Therrell is a part of the Pevely Welcome Wagon. Or maybe she's an event planner. Anywho, imagine returning home with your two young boys to find a stranger sitting on your couch. Sitting naked on your couch.

Why was Ms. Therrell there? For a birthday party. That didn't exist. Homeowner Brianna Willey told her to put her clothes on and get the eff out of there! So, she put her clothes on backwards while the cops were called. And guess what? She was druuuuuunk-- three times over the legal limit. On top of that, this wasn't her first offense. Oh, no... she plowed into a home back in February. And yes, she was tore-up-from-the-floor-up in that instance as well.

Sigh.

I will give her credit for donning her birthday suit for the birthday party. But I'm wondering where she was holding the birthday present. In the back or front "storage unit"?

I wonder... what would an invitation to an adult birthday party be like? Assuming un-clothed Catherine thought she was attending an adult birthday party.

YOU'RE INVITED!

Attire: Wear whatcha were wearin' the day you were born ;)

Activities: Ring toss, cornhole, balloon fight, petting zoo

P.S. Don't stand too close to the candles on the cake!

PHOTO CREDIT:
Homer on couch www.giphy.com

Release Me!

3/22/2017

"Shaking hands with the unemployed" will get you fined.

Texas State Representative Jessica Farrar has filed legislation that would fine men $100 for "spanking the monkey" unless they're doing it in a "sanctioned session at a hospital or clinic." The crime would be considered an "act against an unborn child, and failing to preserve the sanctity of life."

Do you know how man broke men will be wandering the streets!?!?

Also, I doubt there's some soul in Heaven looking down at some guy in his mom's basement saying: "Damnit! That was me! That was me!" Doesn't "life" happen when egg and sperm meet? Can't have it without both parts. Not yet, at least.

So what's Farrar's rationale behind her legislation?

"A lot of people find the bill funny. What's not funny are the obstacles Texas women face every day (concerning access to healthcare.)"

Okay... What if someone "handles" things for the male? (gulp) Do they all get fined?!?!?!

I get it. But targeting men is not the answer. Are we gonna bust women after they've pressed the "love button"? Because after a solo session they won't be in the mood to procreate.

Look, there's enough B.S. legislation clogging up the system already.

Just let it go... grab a sandwich, and take a nap.

PHOTO CREDIT:
GIF www.giphy.com

WTF?

3/15/2017

Title really is fitting to the content of this post. Come along on a journey with me...

I love the Japanese. They've brought us anime and origami. Karate and Nintendo. Karaoke and emojis... the list goes on and on. But the thing I like about the Japanese the most-- they're total freak-a-leeks!

But I'm not judging. Not at all. I'm actually kind of rejoicing the life of 50-year-old Joji (No last name needed). The man loved himself some porn. And that's how he died-- UNDERNEATH HIS 6-TON PILE!

Six. Tons.

That's a lot of investment. In oneself, so to speak.

HELP!

Authorities don't know if he had a heart attack and fell into the pile, or what...

On top of that, Joji was missing for 6 MONTHS before anyone found him! And that's because the landlord wanted his rent. Apparently no servicing (not that kind) was needed in his apartment. Wouldn't one notice a 6-ton pile of porn?

Well... at least he didn't go blind. Or maybe he did and confused a banana with his udon and then the porn avalanche ensued. They say it's a blessing to die doing what you love. And he loved himself.

Hopefully he had wood when he ended up in a wooden box.

R.I.P. (Rest In Porn) Joji. May you find endless pie in Heaven.

HELP! The pire is farring!!!!

PHOTO CREDIT:
Sumo dude https://www.flickr.com/photos/bensonkua/
Gif www.giphy.com

He IS Sexy Back (side)...

3/7/2017

And the world can't seem to get enough!

Well, you anti-Trumpers, hate all you want. But tons of women and men are thanking him for this....

"Does this suit make my hiney look fab or what!?!?"

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had many, many panties-a-tinglin' when he appeared stateside and met The Prez late last month. Married, single, young, old, rainbow-of-colors folk all LOVE him. I'm kicking myself while typing this, because I can't believe the P.M. (Prime Moan-ister) has flown under my radar for this long!!! To quote the musical philosophers Salt-n-Pepa:

"Ummm, you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back/Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that..."

I've been open about my chilly disregard for many things Canadian (Nickelback, Avril Lavigne, really cold weather). But over the years, I've grown to appreciate our northerly friends. I do love Niagara Falls, maple syrup, and Canadian bacon (but only on a McMuffin-style sandwich). Now, I'll have to add The O.G. of the Great White North to my list.

I get what the frenzy is all about. Not only is this dude's backside totally smack-able, but when he speaks all that "oui, oui" stuff? Lawdy, please!

I can see the J.T. fantasy now: The two of you on a trip to Japan... to that one spa that lets you bathe in maple syrup. You could be the pancake to his ooey, gooey goodness. You'll be singing "Ooooh, Canada......"

And scene...

PHOTO CREDIT:
Justin Trudeau https://www.flickr.com/photos/batmoo/
Gif www.giphy.com

Dean Wormer Was Right!

Release Me!

WTF?

He IS Sexy Back (side)...

About The "V" Spot...

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Dean Wormer Was Right!

﻿Release Me!

WTF?

He IS Sexy Back (side)...

About The "V" Spot...

Categories

Archives

Release Me!