"Peel a raw potato and cut into thin slices, like you do it for French Fries. Put the slices into the freezer and wait until they are frozen. Insert the frozen potato slice in your anus and leave it inside for 30 seconds. Repeat the process for three to five days. The next three to five days, leave the slice inside for 30 seconds more each time."
So many potato puns:
ANAL Cut Fries
Beware if someone invites you over for their special mashed potato bar...