Perhaps this should've happened in the first place... to everyone involved.
Check out what's hittin' the spot this time...
When art and reality collide... Swansea Park in Wales needed a tune up. All those tree stumps are a blight. Here's an idea: make 'em look like wieners!
That wasn't the intention, but that's what happened! The tree stumps were supposed to bere-imagined as mushrooms. Riiight. Apparently, mushrooms were enjoyed prior to the conception of this idea. Because these mushrooms look like man stuff. So, a woody area filled with wood. Plus, mushrooms look like flesh rockets anyways... Now, the whole damn park is being eunuch-ed.
Perhaps this should've happened in the first place... to everyone involved.
There's nothing worse than rude neighbors. Especially if they're always loud-- be it parties, music... or sexual relations.
A Manchester, England woman claims her neighbor's loud happy-fun-time is ruining her life, and the lives of her children.
"At first, I thought it's going to stop, maybe she's got a new boyfriend and the novelty will wear off. But it just never ended."
Guess the dude comes... over... at the same time. But(t) sadly, there's nothing that can be done (except the happy neighbor lady) because Manchester Council says "it's a natural noise."
P.S. Does Mr. Boner arrive at ass-past midnight?
P.P.S. Congrats to neighbor lady throwing a pants part every night!
They say this election is the most crucial in our history. So, you must vote. If that's not enough incentive, how about a free vibrator?
Billy McWilliams (I was hoping his name would be "Buck" for obvious reasons) is the owner of Erotique adult store in Bozeman, Montana. In an effort to bridge the "orgasm gap" (?) he's gifting a total of 2,200 (shouldn't that be 2020?) red, white, or blue vibrators to women who pledge to vote on November 3rd.
His tagline: "Someone has to help us come together."
And with his involvement, it's like he's your pervy naked-time partner. Ew.
Each gift is bagged with a sticker, reading: "I came and I voted."
Hope no one takes this pole to the polls...
It's really cool when you're recognized for being the best at what you do. It's cool to receive accolades, and even take home some hardware-- like a trophy. Russia's finalists for Teacher of the Year were mortified (as was the audience) over this year's statue. A big glass wiener-looking thing.
Yup. And even creepier? Each finalist (primarily women) had to walk across the stage and touch the award for "good luck." A bunch of oil companies sponsored the event and was mortified at the pervo implications. They say the trophy is an artsy pelican.
Okay, Russia. We see you. And that Schlong Award you're trying to pass off as a "pelican." Because oil, historically, has been a killer of pelicans. So winning this award is a career-(rear)ender?
While most of us are practicing "social distancing" so we can protect ourselves and our loved ones from the Coronabitch, others, well...
One Florida (shocking) couple threw caution to the wind. And their pants. Because when a randy moment strikes...
The two were bumping uglies in front of a hospital, in plain view of everyone. Gag. From the police report, dude's:
"penis, testicles, and buttocks were displayed within view of nearby citizens."
Was this in celebration of a negative Coronavirus diagnosis? Was it because they were hosting a two-person "let's purposely get COVID-19 party"?
Perhaps he was offering to sanitize her front storage unit...
P.S. Why isn't it ever people we'd want to see naked getting naked?
The customer is always right. At least that's how so many people try to justify their rude-ass behavior to anyone in the service industry. But I digress. Customer satisfaction is important, even when you're buying the services of a prostitute.
Michael Pratt decided to spend some time with a pro at a Baton Rouge motel-- rightfully named Shades. But he didn't feel he got what he paid for, so he asked for his money back. If that's not bad enough, this tale (or is it tail?) takes another turn when the hooker than called police to complain that her client asked for his money back, and because the 61-year-old "got aggressive."
Police arrived to the shady motel and arrested the dude for soliciting prostitution, while the said prostitute was arrested for hooker-ing and drug-related charges.
Must be hard to find good service these days...
Put down those razors and forget waxing. The "Bald Eagle" look for your cookie jar is OUT. Full-on growth is IN.
Fashionistas at Vogue magazine have spoken. And they say The "shrub" is the new Brazilian. We need to thank(?) our Hollywood sisters on their tireless efforts advocating against pube discrimination. New York holistic gyno Dr. Eden Frombergis is as happy as a bearded clam:
"Women are becoming increasingly aware that our bodies are a lot more than the visual or sexual playthings."
I'm going to have to give this a hard "no". Why? Because when a woman reaches a certain time in her life, her hair turns gray. All. Of. It. Turns... "77 South" is deteriorating... And nobody wants to travel south and see Don King in a head lock.
I don't get these designers/fashionistas... No real-life person would wear any of the weirdo/craptastic outfits they trot-out during New York Fashion Week. And who's to say this trash is "fashion"? Case in point:
You read that correctly. Vagina. Wigs.
A South Korean designer created these punk-inspired crotch coverings (meant to be worn on the outside for all tosee) for good reason:
"to assist irregular silhouettes... to bridge the gap of hard versus soft."
Let's break this down:
1. Irregular silhouettes... all I can visualize is some porno-Alfred-Hitchcock rendition of some chick's hoo-ha.
2. Hard vs. soft... Like a cushion for an unscheduled wiener landing? Foam the runway!
I thought we ladies didn't want our our cookie jars on display. You know, that whole "treat me like a person, not an object" thing. Plus, if a lady were to show off her natural southern fro in pub(l)ic, she'd get arrested.
Fine. I'm going to design bell bottom thigh highs and make this a complete 70s throwback.
Lovers of Demi Moore's 80s Don King-esque landscaping from that infamous Playboy spread are rejoicing... Vurp.
There's nothing more precious and memorable (for either good or bad reasons) than when one loses the "V Card".
74-year-old David Huggins said he was seduced by an alien when he was 17. The close encounter happened in the woods. Of course it did.
"I think she wears a wig I'm not really sure, big black eyes and long black fingernails."
Angelina Jolie really is an alien!
Look! Her milkshake brings all the boys to Mars!
During a TV interview, Huggins said he first encountered aliens when he was a wee (wee) Jersey boy. When asked why aliens would choose a deli worker from the Garden State, he responded:
"I was always there for a reason and I would do whatever they ask me to do."
Indulge me these bad puns:
That alien sure took Huggins "to the moon and back"!
Did she say the encounter was "out of this world"?
Talk about 50 Shades of "Grey"...
I'm done. To see Mr. Huggins and to learn more about his alien love connection, CLICK HERE.
We as a world are just obsessed about our genitalia. Really, we are. If you're in a situation where you have someone who wants to see you naked and make-nice with you, I don't think someone is going to judge your "southern style"-- unless there is something grotesquely wrong.
First, the bleaching of the "starfish".
Now, in Thailand... the whitening of the "banana".
Yup. In Bangkok (no kidding), a clinic is whitening more than 100 men per month! One staff (hee hee) worker commented:
"We have to be careful because it's a sensitive part of the body."
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
This clinic first received notoriety for their "3D Vagina" procedure, which uses the customer's own body fat to make the cookie jar fuller.
Anywho, why would one need to whiten the wang? Is it because dark colors are slimming? Is it because white symbolizes the Divine and aids in mental clarity?
It costs about $650 for five sessions. Yikes! Forget the laser, I can help you out for less-- and I'll use a Crest whitening strip!
P.S. The title of this post is misleading... Because my momma (the Korean Tasmanian Devil) told me two reasons why I should never date an Asian man:
1. They're cheap.
2. The "egg roll" is more like a "bamboo shoot"...
About The "V" Spot...
Welcome to what's floating around in my mind. Some serious. Some silly. But all me. You've been warned...