Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

More Than the Meats

5/25/2022

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There are some sick effin' people amongst us. One such person is a dude named Stephen Sharp. He was already under investigation for child porn when he decided to fess-up to his fetish. And what fetish would that be? Adding a secret ingredient to the Arby's milkshake mix while he worked as a night manager.

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And police have hard evidence, because the not-so-sharp Sharp took videos of himself tinkling in the mix. Maybe 30-40 people were served the tainted shakes. Gag. The next time something tastes funny, there may be a really gross reason...

Bald Monkey

5/18/2022

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Men and their hair. I totally understand the anxiety over balding. We women have anxiety over everything, so... While genetics come into play regarding baldness, so does how often you spank the monkey.

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Yes. Beating the bishop can be a cause of hair loss. But before you freak out, Dr. Umear Ahmad, a hair transplant specialist, says you'd have to be flogging the dolphin 24/7. For realz. I'm calling B.S. on this. What dude can even focus long enough to whack it 24/7? Exactly. We suggest you don't try this at home to find out if his theory is true.

Runner's High

5/11/2022

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Now I know why running is growing in popularity. And it's for more than fitness purposes.

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According to researchers, running strengthens the pelvic muscles and improves blood flow. Which means ladies, in particular, will have way more pleasurable and intense O moments. The key is running more than 12 miles every 7 days. Can we have really good ones and run only 6 miles?

Asking for a friend.

With a "C"

5/4/2022

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Not that the Loch Ness Monster has ever been confirmed, but apparently Nessie is not a monster after all. Molecular Ecologist Michael Sweet believes the monster is of a different sort. A pants monster more specifically. And even more specifically-- a hug blue whale penis.

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Apparently, we should change Loch Ness to Coch Ness Monster. Surely, it's a porno person's name already...

And he came to this theory how?

"Back in the day, travelers, explorers would draw what they saw... and this is where many sea monster stories come from." Mmmmkay. Moreover, a blue whale ween can be 10-feet long and look like, well, a monster. After his tweet went viral, Mr. Sweet reeled his whale penis back in. And not because his theory sounds ridic(k)ulous, but because there are no whales in Loch Ness.

Facial

4/27/2022

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Some people enjoy a good pie in their face...

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But this kind of pie is not of the muffin variety. Some dude is on the loose in Greenville, South Carolina, slapping innocent people in the face with a plate of whipped cream. The latest victim was some poor momma pushing her kid in a stroller down the sidewalk.

What is wrong with people? I'm sure he wouldn't like it if someone smashed his fruit bowl. Perhaps someone will retaliate and "stomp some grapes".

Bumbell

4/20/2022

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You know what? I don't care what you're into when it comes to your self-care routine. Wink, wink. But(t) this is just dumb. The things people insert into their rear storage unit is amazing, actually. A man in Brazil needed emergency surgery after a 4-pound metal weight was stuck in his booty hole FOR TWO DAYS!

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Two days!!!! WTH are you waiting so long for. Yes, there's embarrassment. But, there's also all that pain involved! Dude suffered "cramping, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and constipation." Ya think? He's all better now. Idiot.

A few thoughts:
Gives a whole different meaning to "gettin' a Brazilian" done.
Was he doing "bugels"? You know, butt kegels...
They don't call 'em dumbbells for nothin'...

Open Orifice

4/13/2022

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The things you can watch on TV. While there are plenty of sexy shows, this one takes the pie, er, cake. On Great Brittain's Channel 4, "Open House: The Great Sex Experiment" is all about the-more-the-merrier-lovin'.

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Curious couples are sent into "a sort of sex retreat in a country house." In said home, the couple becomes part of a "sex buffet" where people want to mingle in their naughty bits. Of course, there's jealousy, rage, weirdness, and some hookups that work out. Or is that in?

Good luck with all that!

Sausage Fest

4/6/2022

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Sometimes, a sausage fest refers to the actual meat product and there's a festival for one to go and eat said sausages. A sausage fest could also refer to a bunch of dudes in an area. In this case, a sausage fest is celebrating all things phallic.

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Right now, in the city of Kawasaki, the yearly Phallic Festival is (from)underway. This Spring fling has been popping up since 1969. Kanamara Matsuri is the "Festival of the Steel Phallus." The event revolves around the Shinto god Kanayama-hiko and the goddess Kanayama-hime. And there are all kinds of phallic stuffs all over the place: hats, puppets, artwork, candy...

The highlight is the parade and mochi nage where Shinto priests toss out rice cakes that people want to catch if they're looking to be blessed with fertility.

Hope nobody gets blasted in the face with a cake...

Tattoo Who?

3/30/2022

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Tattoos of names are a risky business-- especially if it's your sig other. Because sometimes that person becomes your sig bother. But(t) this is next level dumb. Kaylie Williams is looking for the man whose name she got tattooed on her booty. A man she doesn't even know.

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Ten years ago, the English woman encountered a group of guys having a stag party in Spain. Daniel Forde was one participant who convinced her to get his name inked on her azz at his cost. Now, she's wondering what happened to him. Perhaps they can reunite and she can convince him to get her name tatted on his ass.

Double Shot

3/23/2022

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The things you learn. The things you don't want to learn. The things that now leave your brain scarred. I never knew "urethra play" was a thing. It is. One can stretch that baby wide with repeated practice. Apparently, that's what a 45-year-old woman from Tunisia was into.

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Four (4) years after inserting a small glass tumbler into her lower-Franklin area for "erotic purposes", she went to the hospital with symptoms that appeared to be a urinary tract infection. Doctors took some scans and discovered the glass was still in her bladder. And it was encased in a 3-inch bladder stone.

WTF!?!?! How does one forget they've got a glass riding shotgun in their body!?!?!

After a two day hospital stay, she was released. Wonder if she kept the glass?

<<Previous

More Than the Meats

Bald Monkey

Runner's High

With a "C"

Facial

Bumbell

Open Orifice

Sausage Fest

Tattoo Who?

Double Shot

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