Offbeat News and Observation From Writer Kathy Vogel

Derailed

1/30/2023

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It ain't easy being a raccoon. I mean, you're already labeled a thief because of that natural mask you're wearing 24/7, and then there's the whole dumpster diving and whatnot. But this poor racoon was going through it. During a recent cold spell in Georgia, a railway worker spotted a raccoon right up on the tracks. He was frozen to the tracks. Worst yet, his little raccoon testicles were frozen to said tracks.

via GIPHY

Neil Mullis is the hero of the day:

"I poured the warm water under his bottom while a co-worker worked the shovel under his butt to try and break him loose."

It took about 5 minutes to free the raccoon from his stuck-on situation. It then scurried off into the woods. Hopefully, to one day reproduce again.

Tastes Like Chicken?

9/28/2022

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I'm all for an adventurous palate. But I'm not down for this. You might be, though. Chazz Chips has just released a new "vagina-flavored" potato chip.

via GIPHY

Yes. A snatch snack. The company claims you'll "remember your wildest love adventures" with each bite. I couldn't get an exact beat on the ingredients, you know, to best determine the true flavor of these coochie crisps. Salt and vinegar? Tuna melt? Sour cream and pubes?

Unfortunately(?), these chips are only available in Europe. For now.

Charged

9/21/2022

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This 66-year-old woman is all charged up. The Dublin woman went to the doctor's office where they discovered she'd been storing over 50 batteries in her body.

via GIPHY

She had ingested 55 AA and AAA batteries that docs were hoping she'd pass naturally. After only 5 made their way down the Hershey Highway, the others had to be removed surgically. A total of 46 were in her stomach, the rest were in her colon. Which they had to "milk" out. GAg.

Apparently, she has one of those conditions you'd see on a TLC show.

Real Love

8/17/2022

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You can find love after a divorce. Even when you divorce yourself.

via GIPHY

Brazilian OnlyFans model Cris Galera's marriage to herself lasted 11 months. But she divorced and found true love with Miqueias Rocha, the person running her digital marketing on social media. The secret to their love? They cook together, but they live in separate homes because she likes her privacy, and he does, too.

May they have many years of wedded, separate-living bliss.

Bun-gee Jumping

3/31/2021

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I've thought about bungee jumping, as in "Maybe I'll try it one day. When I'm 85 and have nothing to lose." My concern is that I won't bounce back, and will simply splat into the ground. So, props to all you daredevils out there doing daredevil-y things. But this... THIS is not something I would try. Bungee jumping with the cords attached-- to my butt.

via GIPHY

Yes. You read that correctly. Cords attached to one's ass. A Russian thrill-seeker put on his best thong and decided to jump off an 89-foot bridge with the bungee cords attached to his butt piercings. Witnesses say he was heard screaming all the way down. How in the af did his piercings not rip out?!?!? Unless he had secondary cord attachment, how did he not become one with the ground?

I suspect vodka was involved in this stunt. As most things in Russia are fueled by vodka.

Porno-tined

2/19/2020

It's good to have a positive outlook; Be a silver-lining type of person. So when you're quarantined because the Wuhang-Clan-Coronavirus-thing might get you, why not make your outlook... rosy?

via GIPHY

As in palm.. or with a partner. Whatevs. Passengers aboard the Diamond Princess Cruise Ship are quarantined off the coast of Japan. That's a lot of worry and boredom. What to do... free porn! Camsoda is an adult entertainment webcam company that's offering "free entertainment-- in the form of free adult webcam sessions with sexy cam models" for all 3,500 passengers.

How generous. But is the Wi-Fi free on board. Or do you have to pay for that... package?

Love Boat

11/13/2019

You may be on vacation, but you need to be on your best behavior, nonetheless. Just ask German couple Renate and Volker. They were having a fabulous time aboard their TUI Cruises ship. Until things got hot and heavy, and loud.... as in, the-motion-of-the-ocean-is-matching-the-motion-of-these-bedsprings...

via GIPHY

Apparently, the couple's cries of passion, followed by an equally-boisterous argument led to the couple getting das boot from the boat. (Doesn't the arguing usually happen before the sexual healing? wink wink) Of course, they're suing for vacation costs, and emotional damages.

If the boat is a rockin'...

Dirty Raker

11/6/2019

I love Fall. It's my favorite season for a number of reasons: the colors; the cooler temps; the flavors (not pumpkin spice.) But I don't love Fall like this guy loves Fall.

A British man was busted for bustin' a nasty move with a pile of leaves...

via GIPHY

Yup. Michael Golsorkhi was makin' the love with a pile of leaves in a restaurant parking lot. He was spotted with his trousers around his ankles, thrusting around-- in full view of families trying to eat dinner.

The 26-year-old was under the influence of some substances, and has been in trouble with the law before.

I can only imagine his pillow talk:

"You like how I rake them leaves, baby?"
"Oh, yeah. Your leaf fort is turning me on."
"I got your Fall cleanup right here..."

Bang Up Job

10/15/2019

There's nothing worse than getting thieved. Thieves should be publicly slapped. Get a J-O-B and then buy your own stuff! But this thief got what he wanted?

A North Carolina residence was robbed of jewelry, coins, and... a 12-inch electric vibrating wand, for funsies...

via GIPHY

So. Many. Questions:

So, were these items all hangin' out with each other in the nightstand drawer?
Or was this an inside job, so to speak? Because the items stolen were quite specific.
Was the vibrating item mistaken for another type of massager?
Was said item used?

Hide your women. Hide your children. Hide your "toys"...

Un-Satisfied Customer

10/9/2019

The customer is always right. At least that's how so many people try to justify their rude-ass behavior to anyone in the service industry. But I digress. Customer satisfaction is important, even when you're buying the services of a prostitute.

via GIPHY

Michael Pratt decided to spend some time with a pro at a Baton Rouge motel-- rightfully named Shades. But he didn't feel he got what he paid for, so he asked for his money back. If that's not bad enough, this tale (or is it tail?) takes another turn when the hooker than called police to complain that her client asked for his money back, and because the 61-year-old "got aggressive."

Police arrived to the shady motel and arrested the dude for soliciting prostitution, while the said prostitute was arrested for hooker-ing and drug-related charges.

Must be hard to find good service these days...

<<Previous

Derailed

Tastes Like Chicken?

Charged

Real Love

Bun-gee Jumping

Porno-tined

Love Boat

Dirty Raker

Bang Up Job

Un-Satisfied Customer

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