If you need to know where the beef is, well... it ain't going anywhere.
While most creatures don't want to live a caged life, some don't mind cages. Especially cages that lock-up ones johnson.
Whatevs. But your ween might be in an unintentional solitary confinement if hackers break into a man's chastity cage. Uh-oh! In a hurry to rush out a slew of said cages to men wanting their schlongs jailed by their partners, the Chinese manufacturer failed to run its checks and balances to ensure that no hackers could enter unwanted. But guess what happened? Hacked! Which means about 40,000 men could've been locked-down-- and not in the fun way. Also, this first-run cage model doesn't have a manual overdrive, so...
If you need to know where the beef is, well... it ain't going anywhere.
Usually, getting paid to have the naked fun time (be it, mostly clinical) means the payee is a hooker or man-ho. But not in this case. It's for research...
Calling Dr. Dick and Dr. Kitty!
Sleep Standards is a website that provides content ranging from sleep-related advice to product reviews, and they're offering five couples $3,000 each if they're willing to make the bed springs whistle and give feedback on a bunch of different mattresses. The goal is to identify the best mattress for the lovin'. Legit research, no?
Couples will have to rate each mattress on: bounciness, noise, firmness, edge support, comfort, cooling, and overall score.
This rating criteria could also apply to one's partner... that's the score we all want to see!
Bon(er)us: the couples will get to keep one mattress of choice.
I hope the others are burned... cuz, ick.
Though men have historically skewed the measurement system to their advantage, not every man has a python in his pants. So why not celebrate the neolate!
That's right! Teenie Weenies are getting a small standing ovation via the new dating app:Dinky One.
The goal is to "normalize" men whose fruit bowl contains a plantain and not a banana.
"There are (those) who just prefer a smaller penis for comfort reasons... smaller men tend to compensate for size with additional skills..."
Dong is in the eye of the beholder... and that may really be true... what?
Carnal desires. Sometimes they just can't be controlled. So when one is feelin' frisky, one must act. Even if it's in the backseat of a parked car.
Oh. And that car was parked illegally... right outside a police station. In a "municipal vehicles only" parking spot. An officer spotted the car, the fogged windows, and the two 20-somethings bumpin' uglies. The couple, from Michigan (that explains everything), has been charged with disorderly conduct.
You couldn't find a Walmart parking lot for this?
It can be tough being a dude. Dudes aren't known to be the tidiest creatures around. Have you seen some of their abodes? So, it's no surprise that when it comes to being tidy... down there... issues can happen.
Men, beware of Pineapple Penis.
What in the AF is P. P.? Well, it happens when a dude shaves the base, and then as re-growth occurs, things get... stubbly-- like the pricks on a pineapple.
You fellas need to treat you woolly mammoth kindly. Don't accidentally chop the base or lop a coconut. You're not in a rain forest. Or are you?
Guys, if you want a cock-eyed view of what your doodle doo sees, then you need (?) The CockCam.
It was created to "spice things up" in the bedroom. Really? We're thinking there are gonna be a lot of fuzz...y... shots. Unless your schlong reaches jump rope length, all we're gonna see is some blurry cavernous regions and mistake your footage for the Grand Canyon.
The company says it's:
"A revolutionary sex toy that allows you to record all of your erotic moments at never seen before angles, store and view videos on your mobile device through the Secure Mobile App, taking your sexy home videos to the next level."
Again, unless you have a tricky dickey... what amazing angles and video will occur?
Talk about up close and personal...
I'm all for acting on inspiration. Sometimes that action is immediate. Sometimes, it requires waiting for a more appropriate time. Apparently, this couple is all about the former.
The Sky Star Wheel in Cincinnati is a 150-foot ride that offers passengers awesome views of the city and the Ohio River. And... of a couple riding each other inside one of the gondolas.
Yup. They were so caught up in the moment, they decided they didn't care who saw them knockin' da boots-- even children.
Well, it is spring. And spring has sprung in this dude's pants...
Once the ride "came" to a complete stop, police were there to arrest them and charge them with disorderly conduct.
I hope hazmat was called to clean that gondola.
"Wheel in the sky keeps on... grinding..."
We all experience sadness or depression at one point in our lives. For some, it's a lifelong battle. But I had no idea our body parts could experience sadness, until I came across this headline:
New Research Says Lack of Sex Makes Your Vagina Depressed
What? Like, it truly is a condition. Vaginal sadness. Actually, the scientific term is "vaginal atrophy."
Those suffering from said condition experience burning and itching sensations-- without any infection in the southern region. A lack of down-low action makes our vajay-jays depressed which can lead to that atrophy thing.
I sense a lot of pickup-line-material for guys everywhere...
Get to therapy-- stat! Is there a special couch to lie my cookie jar on so it can "speak" to the therapist comfortably? Perhaps one should just skip the talking and find Dr. Richard-- even if he's from the Adam & Eve catalogue.
Things we never needed to know. But since it's out there, and perhaps you haven't heard, I thought I'd scar you like I've been scarred.
Sharon Osbourne, wife of the infamous and somehow-still-breathing-rocker Ozzy, was spread open like a book on a recent episode of The Talk when she revealed details of her happy-fun-time time with Oz. She said getting nekkid with him is a "bone of contention" (nice choice of words there). Why?
"He's got a problem. He's just like a rabbit. I'm (only in to it) like, birthdays, Christmas. At this point in my life, it's special occasions."
Hey, it's great to ride that pony when the desire hits. But the visual of Ozzy all fossil-y and bark-like is just...
You'd think all the drugs and booze would have deflated the Oz balloon, but no?
And now rabbits are again ruined for me (see a previous post of the bunny dude).
And now when I hear some Ozzy songs, I'll be thinking:
"Flying Bone Again"
"Bark at Some Poon"
What's that saying? "Truth is stranger than fiction"? Yeah, that's it.
Sometimes-- okay, most times-- you just have to shake your head. Like with this fish tale...
When one is scuba diving, aren't there more important things to be concerned about than getting amorous with a giant clam?
Yes. You read that correctly. This brainiac, a 22-year-old dude named Sean, thought it would be funny to hook-up with the clam:
"It was just a joke at first. My friend was filming so I wanted to impress him and put my d*ck into the clam, but then it just wouldn't let go."
This is just all kinds of stupid. Couldn't imagine my life being dic(k)tated by the divining (diving) rod.
But... it gets even better. Because Mister Dumb$ss is allergic to seafood, he developed a severe allergic reaction after his encounter. Which meant a hospital stay.
(Bearded) Clams, anyone?
About The "V" Spot...
Welcome to what's floating around in my mind. Some serious. Some silly. But all me. You've been warned...