Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Brown Out

2/25/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 25th, 2022:

Sometimes one offender takes the whole damn thing. And this week it is...

#3, #2, #1 CHRIS BROWN

How hasn't this mother f*cker gotten canceled yet?

The time for empathy and excuses are over. You grew up in a home where you witnessed abuse. You were abused. And so we're supposed to keep giving you passes for when you "allegedly" abuse someone? Wrong.

For the umpteenth time, Mr. Asshat is accused of battery. This time, it's two accusations in two weeks. Earlier this week, a woman claimed she was drugged and raped following a yacht party in Miami in December of 2020. A second woman has now come forward and said that she, too, was raped on the same evening. Both women are suing this scourge separately, each for $20 million.

I can't verbalize enough how repulsive this cretin is. Yet people still buy his crap music and still pay to see him in concert, and still want to get close to him. It's all-the-way-around disgusting.

Seriously, this dude should change his last name to Assault N. Battery. What a douche!

Richardfest

2/18/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 18th, 2022:

This week, three former Kardashian significant others dominate this damn thing!

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#3 LAMAR ODOM

Khloe Kardashian's ex-husband has had a rough go of life. This dude effed up his marriage to Khloe, then nearly died from a relapse into drugging and drinking. Now, while a part of the Celebrity Big Brother house, he's admitted that he wants another chance. With Khloe. Oh. Hell. No. Glad he realizes what he lost, tho:

“I never thought about getting married again. I didn’t treat that good woman right.”

One of his co-stars then encouraged him to reach out to the family once filming is done.

Look. Reach out and do your apology tour. Then-- go away. Work on yourself and finding a healthy relationship.

And this is for you Khloe-- DON'T.

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#2 KANYE WEST

Some people like to spend the weekend just chillin'. But Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be-ex used the weekend to turn his Twitter account into an anti-Pete Davidson tribute. Ye decided to tell the world that Kid Cudi is off his new "Donda" album because he's friends with Pete. KC responded:

“You're whack for flipping the script and posting this lie just for a look on the internet. You ain't no friend. BYE."

But this didn't stop Kanye, oh no! He brought Pete's ex, Ariana Grande into the mess, as well as calling Pete "Hillary Clinton's ex-boyfriend." What does that even mean? Anywho, he then posted a photoshopped movie poster of "Fight Night" as a "West versus Davidson" battle, and then photoshopped a "Captain America: Civil War" poster to take shots at a bunch of other people.

Take. Your. Meds.

He apparently did that, and decided to literally buy a truckload of flowers for Kim.

Keep it up, and she's gonna put them on your grave.

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#1 TRISTAN THOMPSON

Another Khloe ex with this one. This wandering wangster wanged Maralee Nichols and now he has a nearly-2-year-old son-- that he tried to deny-- but then admitted to in January. When he was forced to fess-up to his wick-dipping, he said he would do the right thing and take care of his son. But guess what? This from a rep for Maralee:

“Despite news reports stating otherwise, Tristan Thompson has done nothing to support their son. He has not made any attempt to meet their son nor has he provided any financial assistance.”

Not shocking. His whole attitude previously revolved around the fact that he won't be playing basketball anymore so he doesn't have basketball money to support a kid.

Then you should've wrapped your snake.

Your child at least deserves your money. Because you're pretty worthless. Do the right thing for once. And not just care about the kid you had with Khloe, because you want to suckle off the Kardashian teat some more.

Hot in Here

2/11/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 11th, 2022:

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#3 NICOLAS CAGE

Congrats for making it to an entire year of wedded bliss with wife number five. Yeah. Number five. Nic had this to say about it:

“I'm really happily married. I know five is a lot, but I think I got it right this time."

Oh, goodie! Now that his personal life is settled... ish... for now, Mr. Cage wants us to no longer call him an "actor" (well, that's been easy to do.) Instead, he prefers we call him a "thespian."

“I sound like a pretentious fart for saying ‘thespian’ but acting now has become like lying. It sounds like I’m lying. If you’re a great actor, you’re a great liar. ‘Thespian’ seems more like it’s about finding some truth within and then projecting it for others to get it. At least, it does to me. But I’m not always on the same wavelength as everyone else.”

Not on the same wavelength? Duh. We prefer to call you a "caricature" of an actor pretending to be a thespian.

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#2 NELLY

Surprise on the 'Gram for Nelly's followers. A video of a woman playing his skin flute popped up. Nelly's peeps quickly deleted the video, but not before screenshots captured some of the action. Nelly apologized:

“I sincerely apologize to the young lady and her family, this is unwanted publicity for her/them. This was an old video that was private and never meant to go public.”

Again, why you don't need any evidence of anything happening! By the by, perhaps his "Hot in Here" lyrics were just a self-fulfilling prophecy:

"Nelly hang all out
Mix a little bit
(Uh, uh)
With a little bit
(Uh, uh)"

Please tell me someone will name his next sexy video as "Hot in Her"...

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#1 KANYE WEST & KIM KARDASHIAN

I want to clunk their heads together. Because these two are acting like children. You're getting divorced. Kanye is jealous that Kim has moved on. Kim is tired of Kanye making their business all public and stuff. We're over it, too. So. Stop. Both of you!

These two dimwits are engaged in a parenting war on social media. Kanye isn't pleased that their daughter, North, is on Tik Tok. So, he says:

“SINCE THIS IS MY FIRST DIVORCE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT MY DAUGHTER BEING PUT ON TIK TOK AGAINST MY WILL?”

Kim responds, publicly:

“As the parent who is the main provider and caregiver for our children, I am doing my best to protect our daughter while also allowing her to express her creativity in the medium that she wishes with adult supervision — because it brings her happiness.Divorce is difficult enough on our children and Kanye’s obsession with trying to control and manipulate our situation so negatively and publicly is only causing further pain for all.”

You two bitchers are causing ALL OF US pain. Go. A. Way.

Here's a thought: pick up the damned phone and actually use your words to have a conversation with each other. What a concept!

A reminder: you're both supposed to be grown people. And your children don't need this-- whether it's Kanye's tantrum, or Kim's well-written, passive-aggressive statement.

No Ye!

2/4/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 4th, 2022:

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#3 SIMON COWELL

What's the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over and expecting different results. Or something like that. We're talking about you, Simon. The dude that broke his back in three places after wrecking his e-bike in 2020, decided that e-biking was a good idea again. No. It was not. Guess what happened? Dude tried to round a sharp corner, lost control because the pavement was wet, and crashed. This time, he broke his left arm, tore up his face, and suffered a concussion.

Kudos for wanting fitness. But keep it up, and your family is gonna be fittin' you in a pine box.

Allow me to call you what you've called many auditioners on Idol and Got Talent:

"You're an utter moron!"

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#2 TERESA GIUDICE, from Real Housewives of New Jersey

After finally divorcing that POS first husband, this housewife wants to keep that status accurate with looming "til death do us part" vibes with her current flame, Luis. After going to prison for some shady money issues, which her first hubby caused, you'd think she'd be more mindful of the money she's been able to make back. Meaning, protect your ass-ets.

But... she says she has no plans on making Luis sign a prenup.

Teresa may be great at flipping tables, but the dining room upstairs is a bit empty.

While appearing on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live, Teresa said she didn't want to do the prenup. Cuz.... ? Your 'soulmate' should have no problem signing a document if he truly cares about you.

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#1 KANYE WEST, or YE, or whatever he calls himself

Kanye has done and said a lot of questionable things in the past. But this is low. He's supposedly telling friends Pete Davison (who's dating his soon-to-be-ex Kim Kardashian) has AIDS.

"Kanye's been telling everybody within earshot" that Pete has AIDS. We're told Kanye's claim has made for a few awkward phone calls between Pete and mutual friends he has with Kanye -- who are confused and disturbed by the childish behavior."

Yes, I don't get the Pete Davison thing. I don't know why so many women are attracted to him. But, AIDS is not a joking matter. And, if you would play it cool you might have a shot at getting Kim back-- which is your goal. Because, that whole Pete's "d" worship ends quickly....

Speared

1/28/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 28th, 2022:

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#3 MGK, aka Machine Gun Kelly

So, last week dude got slapped for sealing his engagement to Megan Fox by drinking her blood. And now, we've the details about her engagement ring. Her painful engagement ring. Not because it's too tight, but because it has thorns on it. Yup. He designed a ring to hurt if removed:

"And you see this right here? The bands are actually thorns. So if she tries to take it off, it hurts. Love is pain!"

Sigh. You know what else hurts? Wearing your ring while trying to do stuff and then risking its damage because "love is pain." Does your d*ck come with thorns, because love hurts? Nevermind. I'm afraid of what the answer might be...

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#2 PAMELA ANDERSON

Pammy is divorcing husband #5. Wait, when did she even get a fifth hubs? She and Dan Hayhurst have called it quits after 13 months of marriage. The two connected during the lockdown in 2020. Oh, he was her bodyguard. So, two birds one stone?

At least it was longer than her one to that old guy, which was maybe two weeks? So he could pay her bills...

It's time to stop the nuptial ride.

One more husband, and she'll have a full pack of hot dogs...

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#1 THE SPEARS FAMILY, Britney excluded

What a loathable bunch of f&ck nuts. Seriously. Leeches. Self-absorbed, opportunistic anus fondlers. Britney is telling her sister, Jamie Lynn, to have a seat. What a coincidence her memoir hit the public eye during the height of the Britney conservatorship battle. Not. Well, Brit's people have sent a cease and desist.

"We write with some hesitation because the last thing Britney wants is to bring more attention to your ill-timed book and its misleading or outrageous claims about her. Although Britney has not read and does not intend to read your book, she and millions of her fans were shocked to see how you have exploited her for monetary gain. She will not tolerate it, nor should she."

Britney's team says that Britney was the breadwinner of the family who suffered ill treatment from Dad, Jamie. And she ain't taking anymore mistreatment, so STFU.

Meanwhile, Britney's lawyer also hit daddy dbag Jamie with a response to his wanting Britney to pay his legal fees. Lawyer Matthew Rosengart accused Jamie of already paying himself at least $6-million from the estate for "fees", so if he's already out of money, tough shizz.

If I were Britney, I'd be telling these fools to lose your number.

Bloody Valentine

1/21/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 21st, 2022:

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#3 MEGAN FOX AND MACHINE GUN KELLY

No surprise these two are engaged. Megan shared the news via the IG:

"Somehow, a year and a half later, having walked through hell together, and having laughed more than I ever imagined possible, he asked me to marry him. And just as in every lifetime before this one, and as in every lifetime that will follow it, I said yes. And then we drank each other’s blood.”

The fuque!?!?! I don't get the fascination with the whole drinking-your-blood-means-we're-bonded-for-eternity thing. It doesn't. Blood means nothing. Ask Angelina and Billy Bob.

They drink each other's blood. They say their love is like a tsunami. Sigh. They've lasted a long time, by Hollywood standards. But will making things legal ruin it? And stop drinking blood. Y'all ain't from Twilight...

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#2 PRINCE ANDREW

Hope all that alleged underaged Epstein stripping down was worth it. Cuz the Queen Who Will Never Perish just stripped her hubs of his military titles and royal patronages. On top of that, he has to defend his civil lawsuit with his own coin. Lizzie is mad af!

No more official use of "His Royal Highness", but he can retain it for funsies. Can we give him the title of The Duke of Fossil F&ck?

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Defense is keeping his lip zipped. (Too bad Phillip didn't keep his pants zipped, allegedly). But Lt. Stuart Hunt had this to say:

"I'm just glad he's not associated with the military now. Whether he's guilty or not, he has brought things into disrepute... He's not fit to serve in an honorary rank. He has forgone that right by getting into this sort of situation.”

So proper, and so... ouch!

Wonder if Prince Andrew has a Prince Albert? Vurp.

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#1 LISA BONET

Girl, you've run out of good luck. After being married to that fine specimen, Lenny Kravitz, you then snagged some Jason Momoa. Only to divorce him, too. WTF? You're done with marrying awesome men. This dude found and restored the first car you ever owned as a surprise gift for you. This dude slept in a van while filming Game of Thrones-- his first big break in acting. And now that he's enjoying success and has opportunities to seize, you want to peace-out.

Lisa hinted at the pending break-up while guesting on a podcast:

“Definitely learning how to be authentically me, learning to be new, and following this invitation from the universe to step into this river of uncertainty. We’ve eliminated all this extra noise, and now it’s time to grow our roots deeper into our own values.”

What? You're a fool. The reason why the marriage of 4 years (after a total of 16 years together) fell apart? She didn't want to visit Jason on any of his movie sets.

Triple slap and a booby punch for you!

PrettYe Woman

1/14/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 14th, 2022:

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#3 DRAKE

For you 'Bama fans out there, you can blame Drake for the loss of the national college football title to Georgia. Alabama was favored to win, and Drake was all "Roll Tide". There's rumors of a "Drake Curse" because most of the teams he supports, lose. In fact, it's been documented that if he wears a jersey, poses for a photo with an athlete, or is thinking about supporting a team, they will lose.

Basically, you're the Yoko Ono of sports...

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#2 KANYE WEST

Ye is smitten with model Julia Fox. They met on New Year's Eve and then they spent some time together. And he treated her like a queen. She said when they went to a Manhattan hotel, he had a whole suite of clothes waiting for her.

"It felt like a real Cinderella moment. I don’t know how he did it, or how he got all of it there in time … Like, who does things like this on a second date? Or any date!”

She said their relationship is "organic".

Just. Stop. You're not going to make Kim jealous, Ye. She's swimming in all that Big D energy with Pete Davidson. Yes, hard to believe... but it's true.

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#1 ANTONIO BROWN

The NFL is the biggest cauldron of dramz. And Antonio is top-shelf drama. Dude got released from the Bucs after he got bent and decided to strip his uniform off and flex for the fans before leaving the field over... I'm not sure. He claims he got cussed out by the coach because he didn't want to play injured, but then there's a question to whether he's injured, and then Antonio decided to show the receipts. Phew. Did you get all that? And now, he's coming for the GOAT, Tom Brady.

“Tom can’t do nothing by himself, this is a football game. If Tom Brady’s my boy, why am I playing for an earnest salary? You my boy, though, right? [Rob] Gronkowski is his boy, right? How much did he get paid? So, why is AB on a prove-it deal? Who’s better than me over there? Let’s be real.”

Why must dbags address themselves in third person!?!?! Yes, the answer is in the question...

Dragging Tom doesn't make you look any better.

What can Brown do for you? Act a fool and get shown the door. Kudos.

Massengil Time

1/7/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 7th, 2022:

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#3 JAKE PAUL

There's a scent of vinegar in the air. Must mean a Paul brother is around...

Jake says he'll leave the world of boxing if UFC president Dana White agrees to his list of demands:

"1) Increase min fighter pay per fight to $50K (it's $12K now); 2) Guarantee UFC fighters 50% of UFC annual revenues ($1bn in 2021); 3) Provide long term healthcare to all fighters (you previously said brain damage is part of the gig…imagine the NFL said that). There are many UFC alums who have publicly said they are suffering from brain damage."

Great that you have a "cause", though your sincerity is in question since you're just a famous attention whore. And calling yourself a "boxer" is quite the loose interpretation.

P.S. What do we have to do to get you to retire from humanity?

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#2 TRISTAN THOMPSON

What does Maury Povich say? You ARE the father! It's not like any of us doubted that. Maralee Nichols was right all along. And now Tristan has confirmed his happy (?) news via the socials.

“Today, paternity test results reveal that I fathered a child with Maralee Nichols. I take full responsibility for my actions. Now that paternity has been established, I look forward to amicably raising our son.”

And... he apologized to Khloe Kardashian-- who is one of his baby mommas-- who he tried to "reconnect with" and maybe even have another child with...

“Khloé, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve the heartache and humiliation I have caused you. You don’t deserve the way I have treated you over the years.”

Exactly.

P.S. Do you have a bet with Nick Cannon about who can father more kids?

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#1 JASON DERULO

Jason got into a scuffle with two people in Vegas the other night. Why? Because someone mistook him for Usher. At the Aria resort, Jason threw a punch and connected with a man's face after he claims he was cursed at and called Usher.

The victims did not press charges. Jason was asked to leave.

Dude... there are worse people you could be called. Like, Chris Brown. The Situation. Any member of LFO. At least Usher is hot and has had a lot of hits.

P.S. Since you sing your name at the beginning of most of your songs, you should just walk around singing your name IRL so people won't think you're Usher.

Ending on a Low Note

12/31/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 31st, 2021:

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#3 COMMON, known rapper

Rapper Common and comedian Tiffany Haddish were all booed-up during the lockdown. And they were going strong for a year-- so deeply in love. And then... Splitsville. The reason? They're both so busy post-lockdown that there's no time for affection.

Hold that.

Tiffany is now saying that's not the case:

"He might be the type of person that never really settles with somebody, maybe he’s like, you know, like a bee going from flower to flower to flower. I don’t know. I wish him nothing but joy and happiness, you know. He will always be cool.”

Not if he's not being forthcoming on why y'all broke up! I guess he likes the "common" B.S. excuses instead of the truth.

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#2 MEGHAN KING, former Reality TV "star" turned "Influencer"

Called it! Meghan's quickie marriage to Cuffe Owens is done-sy. And for this thrice-divorcee, she's crushed:

“I am rattled. This situation is profoundly devastating.This is obviously not what I imagined when I made my vows — and I’m shocked and saddened by the way things turned out. I am moving forward with my children (not Cuffe's) as we privately process our pain and begin to let go of shattered dreams.”

OMG! Sooooo dramatic! What in the af did you expect when your flighty-ass married this ween after THREE WEEKS of dating?

But, damn, they were three of the most fab weeks after meeting up on the Raya dating app.

“[We] texted for a day or two, then spent five straight hours on the phone the first time we spoke. By the time that call ended, Cuffe was booked and packed for a flight to St. Louis that took off in about eight hours. Within a week, we were back on the East Coast, meeting his family, and starting to plan our future together. We didn’t leave each other’s side for weeks.”

Methinks his being Biden's nephew was the main attraction. Cuz you could get extra clout coins for that move...

P.S. Is she going to marry a "Collar" next?

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#1 KANYE WEST

I actually feel a wee bit sorry for ol' Kanye. Cuz he is reeking of desperation. Kim. Doesn't. Want. You. Anymore. This dude had been spending most of his married time on his ranch in Montana, away from Kim and the kids. And now that she's moved on-- he says he wants to stay married to her. And on top of that? He just bought a $4.5 million mansion in Hidden Hills, CA. Across the street from his soon-to-be-ex wife.

Perhaps you shouldn't have had such loose-lips, which embarrassed your entire family, and will come back to shame your children. Yes, your kids want you to stay together. Because, kids. But Kim isn't moved. In court papers:

"Irreconcilable differences have existed and continue to exist between [West] and me, which have caused our marriage to irretrievably break down. No counseling or reconciliation effort will be of any value at this time. There will be no prejudice to [West] if our marriage is immediately dissolved, especially given the fact that throughout our marriage, we adhered to the terms of our premarital agreement and maintained the separate property character of our assets.”

And on top of that? She's asked the court to declare her "single" while they work out custody.

Go write another record about all this and move on... And out of that new house!

Mr. Pig

12/24/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 24th, 2021:

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#3 TRISTAN THOMPSON

Well lookie who's raising his hand now? Only because the evidence cannot be disputed. You ARE the father! T-Dog admitted that he a "sporadic" (do you mean "sploogeradic", ongoing sexy time with Maralee Nichols. Who recently gave birth to a baby boy. But... Tristan isn't admitting the baby is his. Mmmmkay. He said in paperwork to counter paying child support:

“We did not have any dates in the traditional sense at any time; there were no dining at restaurants, going to movies, traveling or any other indicia of a normalized relationship. There was only Snapchats of 'where' and 'what time' we would hook up and what hotels would be used."

Right. You can't get pregnant from dinner, even if she was eating "meat". Duh! Hookups unprotected can create a baby. Did you miss health class in junior high?

We'll see who's the papa. Right, Tristan?

#controlledbyhissnake

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#2 BEN AFFLECK

Oh, Ben. You were looking so good until you opened your mouth and threw shade at your ex, Jennifer Garner. Their marriage ended on good terms. But Ben said he'd still be a drunk if he had stayed married to her. And then he left it at that without further explanation. What he claims he meant to say was this:

“We probably would’ve ended up at each other’s throats.I probably still would’ve been drinking. Part of why I started drinking was because I felt like I was trapped."

Ouch. Considering your ex-wife drove you to rehab-- even after your divorce-- and has been a stand-up kinda gal. This is shady. Because it sounds like she was the reason you have addictions.

Ben claims his words were misconstrued. And supposedly Ben's current Jen (Lopez) is furious at his loose lips. She doesn't like messy. And this is messy. A source said:

"They both agreed that they wouldn’t talk about their private lives in any depth after what happened last time they were together."

And JLo is trying to build a good relationship with Ben's kids. This doesn't help.

#onceadumbassalwaysadumbass

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#1 CHRIS NOTH

Well, it appears Mr. Big is Mr. Pig. And Just Like, as the Sex and the City sequel dropped-- so did allegations of sexual misconduct from three women... and a whole slew of stories about his alleged abuse and anger issues. A spokesperson for Noth denies any wrongdoing:

“The story is a complete fabrication, and the alleged accounts detailed throughout read like a piece of bad fiction. As Chris stated yesterday, he has and would never cross that line."

Zoe Lister-Jones, who encountered him while working on Law & Order, called him a sexual predator. And his ex-girlfriend, Beverly Johnson, got a restraining order against him after he:

“punched [her] in the chest and ribs”

And threatened to kill her. Allegedly.

His agent dropped him. A deal to sell his tequila line fell through. And his current wife is no longer wearing her wedding ring, and will probably spend the holidays without him-- as he's hiding out in New York.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

#byebig

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Hot in Here

No Ye!

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Bloody Valentine

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Ending on a Low Note

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