Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)

From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

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#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO

I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

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#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite."

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Mr. Massengil

2/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 12, 2021:

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#3 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Boss was sauced. It's been revealed that the rocker was arrested back in November at Gateway National Recreation Area in Jersey for having some adult beverage action. He was cited for DWI, reckless driving, and consuming alcohol in a closed area. He's due in court in the next few weeks. Such a shame someone who's recently been virtually signaling is one to behave not-so-virtuously. But such as it is with celebrities and people with fat wallets: "Do as I say, not as I do."

Perhaps he should write an acoustic album of drunken ballads and name it: Booze in the USA. And while you're at it, go ahead and eat a Tunnel of Love-size back of d&cks.

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

I appreciate and support the notion of redemption. But this dude has a history of slingin' is ding dong around willie nillie-- so to speak. Why subject yourself to potential heartache-- again? It appears the two are back together. She's forgiven him for cheating on her a couple of times and believes he's a changed man.

Okay.

And... it appears they want to give their 2-year-old daughter, True, a sibling. They have the frozen embryos ready to go. That's the best option, Khloe, because history does repeat itself. Get your baby, but toss the baby daddy. Remember: Take your heart out of this equation and keep his hard out of your pants!

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#1 SHIA LABEOUF

The douche extraordinaire finally makes a statement, sort of-- regarding the lawsuit filed against him by FKA Twigs (Tahliah Barnett). As we shared previously, she says she was subjected to physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse, courtesy of Shia. Now, he's responded-- through his attorney's prepared statement:

"(Shia) denies generally and specifically, each and every allegation contained in (Tahliah Barnett's) Complaint, denies that (Barnett) has sustained any injury or loss by reason of any act or omission on the part of (Shia), and denies that (Barnett) is entitled to any relief or damages whatsoever."

His lawyers say the charges should be dismissed because "none of the acts alleged were based on sex and/or the conduct was not sexual."

?

She's claiming sexual abuse as well. So... what in the af do you mean? Dude, please. You're a giant steamy turd pile. I know it's hard for you to accept, but you're not a quality human-- if you're human at all.

Not Like Us

2/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 5, 2021:

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#3 BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN

What's that I'm hearing? Elsa singing "Let it Go"-- which is what you need to do, (tool) B. A. G.

As things seem to be headed towards nuptials for his estranged wife, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, Brian is dragging his feet on their divorce.

"(Megan) is very serious with MGK and sees him as her soulmate and life partner. Megan would like to wrap it up and get it finished as quickly as possible."

Ah, yes, the good ol' "stall tactic" of "If I can't have her, you can't either."

As much as it hurts, she doesn't want you. Go find your own "soulmate" and "once-in-a-lifetime" partner. Green doesn't look good on you. Get over the envy.

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#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN

Celebrities are not like us, as much as they like to tell us what to do and believe because they used to be like us. "Used to be" is the key phrase. Chrissy tries to stay connected with her followers on the socials by oversharing and by engaging conversation. But if the convo doesn't go her way, well...

Chrissy asked people to tweet: "What's the most expensive thing you've eaten that you thought sucked?" People replied with a variety of things. Then, Chrissy dropped her story:

"One time John (Legend) and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was $13-thousand. HOW DO (YOU) CASUALLY RECOMMEND THAT WINE. We didn't even finish it and it had been cleared!!!"

And that's when things turned. One person tweeted: "Y'all can accidentally buy a $13-thousand bottle of wine, but most Americans can't afford a $300 emergency." And that's when Chrissy threw a hissy fit. Check out these claws:

"Not everything I say on my twitter is going to be relatable to you because it is my life and my twitter and my stories."

True. But you asked for responses, you unaware, self-absorbed tw%t wrinkle. And... your story was lame. Most people-- even rich ones-- ask how much a bottle of wine is before they give the green light... AND that's the best story you've got? Like, "I spent $10-thousand on some wagyu and it was the size of a quarter." THAT's something to really get p&ssed about.

How 'bout you give yourself a break from social media? (And us in return).

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#1 MARILYN MANSON

Calling this creature a P. O. S. gives pieces of sh&t a bad name. There are no words to describe his horrific and serial killer-esque behavior. His former fiancee, Evan Rachel Wood, has been an advocate for victims of abuse. And she's finally named names. Manson allegedly is the one who horrifically abused her for years. They met when she was 19 and he was 38, and she says he "groomed" her and abused her. Throughout their relationship, Evan says she was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. They split in 2010. And now she says she's no longer in fear of retaliation, slander, or blackmail.

In fact, Manson shared in an interview from 2009 that he wanted to murder Evan. So heartwarming. Four other women have come forward, including Jenna Jameson-- who said she dumped the flaming douchebag after he told her he fantasized about burning her alive. His ex-assistant, Dan Cleary, said he witnessed the abuse of women first hand but said nothing because of "the code". That bullsh*t thing that happens in the entertainment business. Speak up and get blacklisted and lose your job. Keep quiet and keep moving forward (think Bill Cosby x 1 million.)

Former Manson mentor Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has denounced the ingrown pube in a statement, saying he has been vocal over the years about his "dislike of Manson as a person"-- cutting ties 25 years ago. And Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland said:

"... He's not a great guy. Every single thing that people have said about him is f*cking true. He needs to be put in check and needs to get sober."

"Put in check"? Yes. Rehab? Eff that. Rehab is a way for celebrities run an hide and gain sympathy for bad behavior-- without consequence. Manson needs to pay for what he's done (allegedly). No amount of "rehab" is going to change what is in the fiber of his being. In this case, it's a lifetime of evil f*ckery."

He needs to be ejected from the planet, ASAP. A one-way trip to Mars should work. Or, some Old Testament-style punishment. Who's in?

Sixth Senseless

1/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 29, 2021:

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#3 PAMELA ANDERSON

Usually, "quitting" isn't encouraged. In this case, you need to quit with the whole "marriage" thing. Pamela just got married for a 6th time. Everyone else is saying five, but she did "marry" Jon Peters last year because she needed someone to pay her debts. Anywho, the latest train down the Pam track is Dan Hayhurst-- her bodyguard. They fell in love during the lockdown. How cliché and convenient. Kinda like the plot for "The Bodyguard"... Surely, they had no prenup because she has no money. But who needs money with all that love floating around?

The intimate ceremony happened on Christmas Eve. No family or friends were present, but everyone gave their blessing. The bride was not wearing white (we're assuming.)

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#2 DALE MOSS, former Bachelorette "winner"

We all knew when Bachelorette Clare Crawley "blew up" the show, leaving four weeks into her season with Dale that things might not (wouldn't) be "happily ever after". Especially after host Chris Harrison did that follow-up interview with the couple and asked what the next steps were and she maniacally squealed: "Baaabieeeeees!" And Dale looked like a deer in headlights.

Last week, Dale and Clare called it quits because they basically weren't on the same page. According to Clare, Dale's public statement of their split was the first time she heard they had split. Say what?

"I was made aware of a 'mutual' statement at the same time you all were, so I've needed some time to really digest this... I am crushed. This was not what I expected or hoped for and am still trying to process this."

If this is true, damn! Not the way to break up with someone. Buuuut, Dale claims both were aware of their issues. This is why you don't try to find "true love" on reality TV.

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#1 IOAN GRUFFUDD

I don't know how to pronounce this guy's name, nor do I care. So let's call him "Dick". Because that's exactly what he is. The "Fantastic Four" star and his wife are finished. Poor Alice Evans was blindsided:

"My beloved husband/soulmate of 20 years, Ioan Gruffudd, has announced he is to leave his family, starting next week. Me and our young daughters are very confused and sad. We haven't been given a reason except that he 'no longer loves me'. I'm so sorry."

He's now your "holemate", honey. As in "asshole".

After two decades, he's walking away? You know this fool probably got some of that "magical" tang and is all lusty and stupid. Good riddance. Dry your tears with all his money and go find a "toy" that will satisfy you without all the drama. Meanwhile, douse your husband's mangina in some honey and let some fire ants crawl all over him....

Tastes Like Chicken

1/22/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 22, 2021:

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#3 OLIVIA WILDE

Girlfriend. What in the af are you doing? Throwing away your long-term relationship and family for some fresh wiener... Olivia dumped her fiance, Jason Sudeikis, for singer/actor(?) Harry Styles. I mean, good for you that Harry likes older women (she's 10 years his senior), but to walk from a 9-year relationship cuz you're all smitten with some young bloke you met while on the set of a movie? Pffft. You have two young children with Jason-- who's sadly still believing you'll come back. Look, Harry's stroked your ego and you've stroked his... harry. So... wake up! There will be a time when Harry will tire of your 9 pm bedtime and diaper change.

I get it. It's like having veal. That young, tender meat. It's all delicious and fulfilling until you realize you actually like steak. And then you'll want to go back to steak, and then you'll find all your belongings on the front lawn...

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#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I don't understand this big mouth's popularity. Because I assume if you still have a TV show, people like you? Wendy strikes me as the type of person you don't want to ever know. Because she's POS-y. A lot. Her brother outed her for not attending their mother's funeral, instead, opting to go to lunch with her ex-husband.

"I don't understand not giving a salute to the one person who was always there and showed you support. How can you not go to the funeral and hold up the one parent and family members you have left?"

Ouch. She did go to the wake. Doesn't that count? Well, Wendy decided to unleash on her brother, publicly:

"... let me tell you something right now. All you are is my brother. You better stop talking the way you're talking, because now it's dripping into my (TV show) comment page. He's pegging me to be a person I'm not. Honey, you don't want me to start pegging you to be the person that you are, with full-blown receipts. I could fill the audience with receipts. By the way, do you like my dress, Tommy? He would like a dress like this... "

So, you want to out your brother as a cross-dresser because you didn't go to your mom's funeral? One's an action, the other is one's identity. Perhaps he's only "a brother" to you because you suck.

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#1 ARMIE HAMMER

This dude. He's been living in denial-ish after some scandalous and scary DMs were leaked, revealing his penchant for cannibalism. Yes. For real. He just admitted that a burner Instagram account, which showed revealing pictures of Armie and drug tests and bikini babes-- is his. He made some comments about Miss Cayman Islands, alluding to some intimate knowledge of her, but then confessed he doesn't even know her and was just trying to be funny. Okay. But are you just trying to be funny about your carnivorous desires? This from his ex-mistress:

Paraphrasing: I want to break and barbecue one of your ribs...

And this DM he sent to one his, whatevers:

"You just live to obey and be my slave. If I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket so I always had a piece of you in my possession..."

There's letting your freak flag fly, and then there's Hannibal Lecter... If these stories aren't true, why did you back out of your latest film?

Maybe there'll be another "Silence of the Lambs" reboot and he can star... Hopefully, dude will never open a restaurant. Wouldn't want to know what the secret ingredient is...

Whiny Manbitches

1/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 15, 2021:

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#3 KEN JENNINGS, Jeopardy! Champ and ?

Ken went on an apology tour ahead of his celebrity hosting stint on Jeopardy! because he wantsto be the next Alex Trebek. (Not gonna happen). In years past, the maybe-children's-book-author tweeted horrible things about the disabled community. Why?

"(they) worked as jokes (in my mind)... (but) dismayed to see how they read on screen."

So, you didn't read your tweets before tweeting. Gotcha. Here's one "funny" gem:

"Nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair."

Why? Because you wouldn't consider them relationship material because they're not like you?

This is sadder: a not-cool insincere asshat like you pandering for the kindness vote. You knew you were being offensive. Because you have no comedic skills (Hello, John Mayer.) That's why your mea culpa. Let's rename you Ken Jerkoff. It's appropriate.

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#2 BRAUNWYN WINDHAM-BURKE, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Orange County

First off, most people that do the hyphenated last names are potential pretentious pricks. In your case-- giant p.p. because your hyphenated name isn't even real. Two slaps for you and we're just getting started here. When I think of hot messes, you come to mind. The laugh of a hyena. Your judge-y, hypocritical ways. Your double-standards. Let's address the latter.

After a gajillion years of marriage and seven (7) kids with her husband, Sean, Wynnie is now a lesbian. She has a girlfriend, but will not be getting divorced, because... ?... She needs help with the kids that range in age from adult to toddler. Confused yet? She sees her gf, Kris, twice a week. But then she said if her hubs started dating someone, well:

"I'd be heartbroken."

Really, bitch? You sobered up (allegedly), went and had a lady experience (even though you've engaged in threesomes in the past). and realized that you're all #TeamMuffin because alcohol made you a faux wiener lover. That's number one. Number two-- YOU. HAVE. A. GIRLFRIEND. Sean is to stay celibately pining for you?!?!?

I don't know how to say this tactfully, so... Eat a bag! You'll apparently hate it!

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#1 AUSTEN KROLL, Cast Member/Southern Charm

This is another example of why reality TV is the bane of our existence. Because people like this gain notoriety. In real life, you'd see this dude at a bar and say to yourself: "That guy's a douche." A whiny, extra-vinegary douche because he can't display any class. It doesn't exist. Case in point... a troll on social media commented on one of his Insta pics that his ex-girlfriend (and fellow cast member) Madison could do better than him. Instead of flaming that person, he lit-up Madison instead:

"Patricia's hairdresser can do better than me... I die."

So... you slammed your buddy Shep for making fun of Madison's career as a hair stylist (when you were dating). And now you're doing the same thing. At least she's able to support herself and her son, run a business and own a home. You're just starting a "brand" of beer... ish. In between getting drunk at bars most nights of the week.

You're a 33-year-old frat boy. Grow up. Do you need some tampons and Midol for your cramps, whiny mangina?

Cockodile Tears

12/18/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 18th, 2020:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS & MEGHAN KING

These two are complete idiots. And sadly, they've reproduced. The feuding exes can't keep their drama off of social media. From accusing each other of loose morals, to an accusation of purposely exposing family to COVID, to being abusive, and now this. Jim is claiming his ex-to-be is a filthy P-I-G. In a video he posted, he said:

"Today's the big day. I got my house back. Tenants (your family, Jim) moved out, and I get to clean it up and put it up for sale. Hopefully somebody cleaned it up a little bit, but we will see."

Video shows the house not as tidy as one would expect, with bags of stuff left behind, fingerprints on the appliances, and... poop in the toilet.

Sigh.

Flush it-- like your marriage, girlfriend. It's understandable that this has been a bitter divorce. Jim was not there for you when you finally got pregnant, and then one of your children has medical needs. But lashing out publicly is not a good look-- even if he's doing that to you. Both of you STFU permanently.

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#2 PEREZ HILTON

The celeb blogger took to YouTube to cry literal tears because he's been permanently banned from TikTok. Literal tears. Over a social media platform! He says his:

"World is crumbling."

Really, asshat? The real world is crumbling before us. A pandemic. Civil unrest brewing. People losing their jobs. And you're a grown ass man. A 42-year-old man who's begging TikTok's most popular personality, Charli D'Amelio to help you get back in TikTok's good graces!?!? And you don't know why people are comin' for ya and reporting your content? Your memory is slipping, perhaps. Earlier this year, you took a shot at Ms. D'Amelio. The 15-year-old...

"Anyone else think it's inappropriate for a 15-year-old to dance to this?"

She was dancing to "Sugar" by Brockhamtpon while wearing a bikini. And since Charli has 100+ million followers, they got a little angry. And mobilized to cancel you.

Don't snark unless you can handle retaliation.

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#1 SHIA LABEOUF

I really don't know why this dude is even a celebrity in the first place. Your acting is meh. Your looks are meh. And your humanity is subpar. One of his former girlfriends, FKA Twigs, is suing Shia, accusing him of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, and-- knowingly giving her an STD.

During a Valentine's Day trip last year, FKA claims that Shia repeatedly got angry with her, drove recklessly, and threatened to crash the car if she didn't say that she loved him. Later at a gas station, he allegedly threw her against the car, screamed in her face, and forced her back in the car. Former girlfriend Karolyn Pho said Shia once drunkenly headbutted her and pinned her to the bed. Both ladies say that he was extremely jealous and didn't like them to look at waiters at restaurants, and had rules about how many times a day they had to touch him.

His response? He denied many of the allegations, but...

"I'm not in a position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel. I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, or any rationalizations. I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I'm ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say."

Yet, you continue this said pattern. And yes, you've been to "rehab". But apparently, it hasn't worked. Probably because you really don't care. Empty words from you, again. Because a guy who's remorseful doesn't get photographed with a face mask that reads: "Love me like you hate me."

Eff. Off.

I've said it once, I'll say it again because it's 100: Your name most def should be changed to Shia LeDouche. You're just a ginormous POS.

Malik the Dee-ck

12/11/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 11th, 2020:

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#3 OLIVIA JADE GIANNULLI

The YouTube influencer (-ish) has broken her silence over her parents conviction in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. She chose Jada Pinkett-Smith's Red Table Talk to share her innermost emotions, because she felt "safe" there (insert eye roll). She said that at the time of the scandal:

"When it first happened I didn't look at it and say, 'Oh my God like how dare we do this?' I was like, 'Why is everybody complaining? I was confused what we did.' That's embarrassing to admit."

That you're such a dumbass that you didn't know it was wrong to have your parents (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli) pay $500 thousand to fake your resume and get you into USC? It's apparent you have no brains and no moral compass. Seems like, someone didn't teach you right from wrong. And you really have no clue how the real world works. Yeah. Listening to you ramble on about how sorry you are was vomit-inducing.

Look. You're not sorry. Because we got the receipts of how mad you were at your parents when the scandal broke because they ruined your life and that you lost endorsements... Waaaaah! But... she's turned over a new leaf, y'all. She says she's working with inner city youth, and plans to continue working with underprivileged kids moving forward.

Gonna pay their way into a top-notch school? Cuz methinks you're not a good example for any human. And.... can you be anymore cliche. "Working with underprivileged kids" just glares an even bigger spotlight on your privilege.

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#2 LARSA PIPPEN

Why are you out so much? Because it's your season-- ho, ho, ho-bag! This tone-deaf trollop keeps posting stupid shizz on social media. After basically telling everyone to STFU about that picture of her holding hands with married NBA player Malik Beasley-- because we don't know the story, she's posting her sympathies to those "dealing with heartache." Oh, you mean like Montana Yao-- Malik's wife. Are you praying for her, too?

"God, I pray for healing & comfort for anyone dealing with heartache. I pray that they find refuge in You in the midst of their pain. May You continue to give them the strength to keep going. To push through these dark moments & know You are with them every step of the way."

Wow. Bitch, sit down! And please stop bringing God into your trampdom.

What's next? Are you gonna play the victim and say that Malik lied to you and said what? That he and his wife were on the outs? So it's okay to wang tango with him? And you wonder why the drama-loving Kardashians want nothing to do with you... you give messy a bad look.

P.S. Close your legs to married men-- especially those as old as your son. Vurp.

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#1 MALIK BEASLEY

The NBA baller was perhaps balls-deep in Larsa Pippen. That's bad enough. Because of the whole "I'm married". But what's more repulsive is that this low-life cheating poon chaser kicked his wife and their 2-year-old son out of the family home. Why? Because his wife dared file for divorce because he was caught cheating. Montana Yao took to social media to say:

"(We) were told to leave our family home ten days ago, and just like you all, I'm pretty confused."

The victim getting shamed because she stood up for herself and their child. It's one thing to be a complete ween to your spouse... but to throw out your own flesh and blood? There aren't enough bad things that could happen to you to make up for this. We could start with ripping your balls off, setting them ablaze, and shoving them up your ass... then throwing salt on your wounds. Sounds so magical...

You're exactly the kind of wasted genetic material that gives men a bad rep. Take his card back, gents! Toss him out of your "club" called manhood.

Stronger

12/4/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

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#3 JAKE PAUL

A YouTubeTw&t on the list...

He fancies himself an athlete, after defeating former NBA player Nate Robinson in a recent boxing match. It was a knockout, even. And... Jake was already injured when he entered the ring. He had a broken nose. What a tough guy! First of all, it looked like Nate flopped. Second, why not box someone that's an equal physical match? Oh.... cuz you might get your pimply ass handed to you.

This ginormous d-bag is now challenging Conor McGregor to a match.

HA HA HA! Is it possible to punch someone's teeth out through their butthole?

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#2 ISABELLA ROSE

Who dis, you ask? She's one of the demon spawn of disgraced actress Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli. You know, the parents that bribed people to get their two dumbass daughters into college. Well, mommy and daddy are serving their prison sentences right now, and Isabella (a YouTube influencer) is overcome with grief that she needed a getaway. A very expensive weekend away at the five-star Rosewood Miramar Hotel in Santa Barbara. She was spotted with a male friend, frolicking on the beach, while sporting a cutesy sweatshirt with the phrase:

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Your level of hotness is quite subjective. #yourfacelookslikemymentrualcramps

And, way to keep a low profile-- considering you're too stupid to get into college on your own merits. Oh! And way to not respect your parents-- even though they were also stupid enough to actually bribe someone in the first place.

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#1 BRANDON BLACKSTOCK

This guy is Kelly Clarkson's soon-to-be ex-husband. And the sooner, the better. Not only did he blindside her with wanting a divorce, he wants a sh&t ton of her money. While Kelly gets a win in her category regarding custody of their two children, this pube flosser wants $436 thousand a month in spousal/child support. Even though Kelly has primary physical custody, and he has to travel to L.A. for his three weekends a month. What does he need all that support for? Plus, he has the stones to ask for $2 million in attorneys' fees (he has 7 lawyers)!

Eat. A. Steamy. Bag. Of. Warted. Weens.

These two have a pre-nup, so I don't know what else he thinks he should be getting here... He needs a kick to the head, for one thing.

Kelly's former manager is Brandon's dad. Then Brandon became her manager. Girl.... you should've seen this was all kinds of shady. Plus, there's that saying: "Don't shit where you eat".

As sung in your own words: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Practice What You Preach

11/20/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

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#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS, Real Housewives of Orange County former castmember; baseball dude

These two assh&les actually give the physical anatomy a bad name. It's obvious this soon-to-be-divorced couple hate each other. Loathe may be a better word. But their loathing is even beyond that. Jim Edmonds may have been a baseball "legend", but he's more legendary at being a horrible, cheating spouse. (Way to bang the nanny!) And Meghan is a self-righteous, sanctimonious princess who really, really needs to eat a sandwich.

Jim had COVID a while back. And now Meghan has it. But one of Jim's daughters from another disastrous marriage is claiming the Meghan intentionally exposed the entire Edmonds family-- including Meghan's own kids-- to COVID. I would like to think no one would use this as a weapon on anybody else, but... some people have ill intentions. Anywho, everyone's airing their dirty shorts because that's the thing to do. I hope these two "adults" never reproduce again. With anyone. But thanks for the messiness. Because we all feel better about our awesome lives compared to yours.

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#2 ISAIAH WASHINGTON

(Yeah, I know. The gif is of Katherine Heigl. But there aren't any gifs of Isiah, so...)

Nothing like re-engaging in an old beef. Isaiah and his former "Grey's Anatomy" co-star Katherine Heigl are butting heads again-- this time on the socials. Over his controversial exit from Grey's over a decade ago, thanks to her accusation that Isaiah called one of their co-stars a homophobic slur. In a tweet earlier this week, he shared a photo of Heigl and this:

"This woman once proclaimed that I should 'never' be allowed to speak publicly again. The world agreed with her proclamation back then and protested for my job and my head in 65 languages. I wish I was on Twitter in 2007, because i will NEVER stop exercising my free speech."

No one knows why he went all rage-y. Perhaps he's vying to the the first person cancelled before cancel culture became a thing.

Look, Isaiah. Just zip it and use a voodoo doll for your aggressions like the rest of us...

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#1 ELLEN DEGENERES

I absolutely cannot stand a hypocrite. And Ellen is a huge, stinky pile of hypocrite. The same Ellen that faced serious allegations of racism, unfair work practices, and toxicity in the workplace, has the audacity to keep shoving down our throats her "Be Kind" mantra. With that sentiment in mind-- words she allegedly does not live by-- she just released her "Be Kind" subscription box just in time for the holidays.

Oh, yipee!

Ellen says the box is all about spreading kindness with brands that do the same. All for the low price of $55.

So, let's review. You're most likely an undercover-ish beyotch who has this facade of "peace, love and unicorn farts", who still doesn't realize that your fans (average people) are trying to stay afloat during this never-ending pandemic. Sure, spending $55 on your box of bullshit sounds awesome! Not.

Hey, Ellen. Why don't you crawl inside your box (whichever one you choose-- wink, wink) and be kind to all of us and disappear.

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