Haus of V - Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Aaron's (Pitiful) Party

9/20/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 20th, 2019:

#3 50 CENT

Yo, Fiddy. Why u beefin' still with reality TV star LaLa Kent? We understand your real beef is with her fiancee, movie producer Randall Emmett. So why not go after him? Or is this like mob mentality where you go after what your enemy cares about the most? Sigh. Anywho, LaLa addressed this stupid feud on a recent TV appearance, so 50 decided to take to social media and make some memes out of some of her pictures, like:

"Shut up b*tch. You started with the wrong person good night"

Eloquent. But this is so much eloquent-er:

"Rise in shine puffy face. It's gym time but I'm sure your having a hangover. Welp. Here's to life buck O. LOL"

First, check yo grammar before you check someone. Next, must we make fun of a person who has publicly admitted they have struggled with the sauce?

Boo. Why don't you just sue her man to get your money back? Guess you need some beef to remind us you had some hits back in the day. Like, last decade.

#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I've never liked this woman one bit. Overrated. Bitter. Nasty. What sucks is that she has a forum in which to sling the mud-- without proof. Yes, we all have opinions about stuff-- but she has chronic diarrhea of the mouth. Somebody get this *B* some Imodium. Or a mouth plug.

Iconic beauty Christie Brinkley had to back out of the latest installment of Dancing With the Stars. Because she broke her arm while rehearsing, The injury required surgery, a metal plate, and screws. There's even photographic evidence of said injury. But Wendy doesn't buy it:

"... that looked fake as hell. Let me tell you what I see. What I see is a 65-year-old hot stuff who looks like if you were going to fracture anything, you should have said the tailbone. I don't see a wrist and a shoulder being fractured, but that was real cute."

In Wendy World, this is all a part of a nefarious plot for Christie to get her model daughter, Sailor on the show. Which has happened.

Well, methinks Wendy would know about fake. Have you see that weave of hers?

#1 AARON CARTER

Proving that fame and meager fortune doesn't make your life perfect, Aaron has been a hot mess since birth. No, seriously. The former teen pop star has had troubles with substances and the law. And now, his kinda-more successful brother-- Nick-- has filed a restraining order against him. Why? Oh, you know. That whole threatening-to-kill-his-pregnant-wife thing:

"In light of Aaron's increasingly alarming behavior and his recent confession that he harbors thoughts and intentions of killing my pregnant wife and unborn child, we were left no choice but to take every measure possible to protect ourselves and our family. We love our brother and truly hope he gets the proper treatment he needs before any harm comes to himself or anyone else."

Yikes! Meanwhile, Aaron says he hasn't even seen his brother or sister in over four years, so nobody's really gonna get hurt. Aaron dropped this on social media:

"Take care. We're done for life."

He's another shining example of how drugs are bad. Let's just say we've experienced his destructive behavior many moons ago...

Look, Aaron. You're only 32. You still have time to unf&ck your life!

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

9/13/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 13th, 2019:

#3 KYLIE JENNER

This is a preemptive slap, as in: don't eff things up so I have to slap you for legit reasons. Kylie was recently bestowed the honor of being the youngest self-made billionaire. Granted, all the Kardashians and Jenners owe Momma Kris for shopping Kim's buck-naked film for lots of cash and too much reality TV time. But I digress. Her family lovingly teases Kylie for being so damned rich:

"When we're in a group chat talking about where we should go for a trip, they're like, 'Kylie? You going to pay for it?'"

HA HA HA! Oh, the ribbing wealthy folk must endure!

We're excited when we can pay off our Carnival cruise beforehand. Just make sure your money is well-invested so you don't end up like MC Hammer or Lindsay Lohan.

#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

In a "DUH!" moment, Aunt Becky admitted that she should've taken a plea deal like Felicity Huffman did in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. Sources say she didn't realized the seriousness of the situation. Seriously?

"Lori was inclined to take the deal, but Mossimo said it would ruin both of their careers."

Uhmmm....
1. Damage done.
2. Jail time is better than a plea deal?
3. I thought you thought you were innocent...

Well, they are innocent. In their world. They believe they're being targeted for their wealth. Your wealth-- and throwing it around-- is what got you into this mess to begin with so, eff off.

Maybe Mossimo can design some fetch accessories for your orange jumpsuit.

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN

Oh, Charlie. You've been scary and entertaining throughout the years. From #Winning, to Tiger's Blood, to Heidi Fleiss-- the ride that is Charlie has been interesting. But one thing that's not forgivable-- not living up to your responsibilities. Ex-wife Denise Richards has taken Chuck to court, claiming he owes $450,000 in back child support.

"Charlie has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in Two and a Half Men to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children."

The hot mess is also accused of diverting more than half-a-million dollars to family members (apparently, other than his children) to hide it. Charlie responded via social media:

"D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail."

So eloquent. So bullsh*tty.

Not sorry you have two children with Denise and two with your other ex-wife-- in that case you claim you can't get work. Why? Because of your own damned self. You can keep doing the wrong things when it comes to yourself, but you need to do the right thing when it comes to your kids.

Who's the real coward?

#NotWinningDadofTheYear

Battlestar Bitch-lactica

9/6/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 6, 2019:

#3 FARRAH ABRAHAM

I really don't know know who Farrah is, other than a reality TV show "star" and hot effin' mess extraordinaire. She rose to fame on her back, so to speak. Her pregnancy at age 17 got her cast on the show 16 and Pregnant. She's been in the spotlight for a variety of non-good reasons, and most recently for a wardrobe malfunction.

Farrah was wearing a floral dress cut low in the front, and slit up to her, er, slit while walking the red carpet at the Venice Film Festival. Well, we all got to see where her baby came from because she wasn't wearing any drawers. That's fine and good. A breeze flowing through the valley is nice. But do that someplace else. We don't need to see your roast-beef-snatch.

#2 JOHN TRAVOLTA

Perhaps, Saturday Night Fever should retire from presenting at awards shows. After his infamous flub at the 2014 Oscars where he butchered Idina Menzel's name by calling her Adele Dazeem (not even close), he pulled another Ravolta at the 2019 VMAs. After announcing the winner for "Video of the Year", he mistook drag queen Jade Jolie for Taylor Swift.

But he said he didn't flub it up.

"There's so many people that bombarded the stage, that I was looking for (Swift). So, the video has me looking, trying to find her. But, you know, I thought it was so funny the way it was interpreted. And it's cool, I didn't care."

Glad you didn't care, but maybe TayTay did-- considering her track record with oddities at awards shows (Kanye).

Quit while you're ahead.. or something.

#1 BRANDI GLANVILLE (former reality TV "star") & TAMRA JUDGE (current reality "star", Real Housewives of Orange County)

There's nothing worse (actually, makes for good entertainment) than when two "stars" duke it out on the social media. Drunken-potty-mouth Brandi rose to fame on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, regaling viewers with stories of her former "supermodel" days and her cheating-now-ex-husband. This chick has her own podcast or vlog or something that keeps her "out there". She's very good at taking shots at everyone and everything, because again, it keeps her "relevant."

She decided to tweet some oak tree shade at fellow reality TV star Tamra Judge after an episode of RHOC in which rumors of a cast member "pulling a train" surfaced. Brandi threw the first punch:

"I have much to say on the toxic trick that is Tamra but I'm going to enjoy my holiday wknd first & address it on my next you tube episode. C-T f-king wait."

Okay. Nice use of "trick"? Tamra struck back:

"looks like someone needs a little attention. Who knew saying 'kelly is the new Brandi' she'd lose her shit. It's not like I called her a hypothetical a-hole."

Uhhhmmm. I think you meant "hypocritical". Damned spell check?

The exchange went back-and-forth, but you can find out for yourselves. The not-shocking thing: Brandi was drinking while tweeting.

There really should be a law against that. And making people famous for nothing. Cuz if that's the case... I'm right here...

Judge NoNo

8/30/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 30.2019:

#3 JUDGE GREG MATHIS

Say it ain't so! Judge Mathis is known for his take-no-foolishness personality on his TV show. So, it's sad to hear he's accused of being a total classless diva. He allegedly got really angry and spit on a valet who took too long to retrieve his Rolls Royce at a restaurant in Detroit. The valet was getting someone else's car and it took a hot minute to get the judge's ride. Dude, I can maybe understand some road rage (parking lot rage.) But here's the thing: you can find our own damned parking place and walk to the restaurant, or-- you could keep your cool and just wait. But the worst part is spitting on someone. That's one of the grossest things you can do. What if someone in your courtroom spit on you? Yeah. They'd be in a lot of trouble.

Judge Hock claims that he's innocent-- though there are several witnesses...

P.S. I would love if Judge Mathis had to go before Judge Judy. She would set his ass on fire!

#2 WADE ROBSON

Just a few days ago, I watched comedian Dave Chapelle's latest special on Netflix. The reason why I threw his title in there-- comedian-- is because people forget that comedians tell jokes. At times those jokes are inappropriate, foul, and hilarious. But when I go to or view a comedy special, I'm under the assumption that anything is fodder. And Chapelle has never been one to play P.C. In fact, I dig that he will 'go there' with anyone, any situation, any race or gender. But Wade here is pissed off. Chapelle does a bit about Michael Jackson's accusers, saying he-- Dave Chapelle-- is a victim blamer. He also jokes that if something bad is going to happen to you, at least it was Michael Jackson who did it (allegedly) to you. Wade has accused the late King of Pop (after his death) of molesting him. Wade says Chapelle and Netflix are trivializing sexual abuse.

Uhmmm... no. Not the case. No one thinks sexual abuse is an inconvenience or not a horrible thing. But again, this is a comedy special. I'm pretty sure viewers aren't going to go out and attack children.

#1 MILEY CYRUS

Usually when one protest-eth too much, whatever they're protesting is true. And they don't want to admit it. After announcing her shocking less-than-a-year-of-marriage to hubby Liam Hemsworth, and her oh-so-cozy time-spending with Brody Jenner's ex gal-- people have been speculating that she cheated on Liam. But that is not the case! Miley dumped her bag all over social media:

"I can accept that the life I've chosen means I must live completely open and transparent with my fans who I love, and the public, 100% of the time. What I cannot accept is being told I'm lying to cover up a crime I haven't committed. I have nothing to hid. It is no secret that I was into partying in my teens and early 20s. I have not only smoked, but advocated for weed, I've experimented with drugs, my biggest song to date is about dancing on molly and snorting lines in the bathroom. I f&cked up and cheated in relationships when I was young. I had to make a healthy decision to leave a previous life behind. I am the healthiest and happiest I have been in a long time. You can say I am a twerking, pot smoking, foul mouthed hillbilly, but I am not a liar."

Well technically, you never said why you split. So you're not technically lying, right? But you're probably still a cheat. And congrats on your "meatless" life change.

P.S. If the split is amicable, why did you throw all of Liam's stuff out? Guilty?

Don't Know Nothin'

8/23/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 23, 2019:

#3 LARRY KING

After 22-years of marriage, 85-year-old Larry and his 59-year-old wife are calling it quits. An insider said:

"They've been living separate lives for many years. They love their kids."

The couple share two sons, ages 20 and 19. Methinks the age gap is a big reason, and his need for "supplements". Look, you've had eight (8) marriages to seven (7) women. Wondering "is it me?" Yup. It's you. Let's retire marriage from your life.

P.S. Is it Larry's bank account that's attractive, because he can't have a Wonder Wang. Not that I really want to think about his fossil crotch...

#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

Guess ol' girl is feelin' the heat, because now she's all remorseful for her involvement in Operation Varsity Blues-- you know, that little scandal in which she lied (allegedly) and cheated (allegedly), and paid her daughter's way into college (allegedly.)

"She's embarrassed and hurt, and she knows that her reputation has been ruined for life."

Duh! But I thought you were 100% positive that you did nothing wrong and that you'd be vindicated?

"She honestly didn't think what she was doing was any different than donating money for a library or athletic field. That's the crux of why she pleaded not guilty."

Guess "dumbass" is her defense? What about all that photoshopping your kid into pictures of the rowing team... when she's never rowed (ho-ed possibly-- but not rowed.)

Keeping living in your bubble, girlfriend. And enjoy your orange jumpsuit. Maybe your fashion designer hubby could make a snazzy one for you!

#1 TODD AND JULIE CHRISLEY, stars of "Chrisley Knows Best"

He made all his money in real estate and got himself a nice little reality TV show, but the walls have come crumblin' down (shout out to John Mellencamp.) He and his wife turned themselves in for indictments of tax evasion, wire fraud and conspiracy bank fraud. But they pleaded not guilty. An insider said:

"It looks like they moved assets, they didn't report income, they hid income, they did a lot of different things."

The two face jail time, though it may take a long time for the case to conclude. The couple claim they're being framed, and that they had no idea anything shady was going on. Here's a lesson for budding reality TV stars-- all your sh&t is going to be "out there". So, if you're involved in anything suspicious-- everyone will know. And there are people looking to take you down. Just ask the Guidices from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. You wanted fame. You faked fortune, and now someone's about to get deported.

Hey Todd & Julie-- guess you "Don't Know Best". Boom.

P.S. Bet your kids are laughing at your karma since you bullied them so much on your show...

Twit Epidemic

8/16/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 16, 2019:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm castmember

People can be hateful, hell-bent on destroying someone else. And people with privilege and money are even more hateful because they feel they can get away with it. This disgraced former politician served time in a federal prison for intent to sell a large amount of cocaine. He's been accused multiple times of assaulting women. He was exited from a reality TV show. And now, he won't stop fighting his baby momma, Southern Charm castmember Kathryn Dennis-- whether in court or via social media. This dude is on a smear campaign and is determined to hurt her every way he can.

Kathryn's mother recently died after a long battle with cancer. So, this psycho ass hat felt it was the perfect opportunity to kick someone when they're down. On the day of this woman's passing, Rapenel (alleged) posted a picture of his mother with his children by Kathryn on Twitter. Low blow. One Twitter follower called him out:

"Really? Timing is everything. You suck more every day."

True. Perhaps he'll go back to prison and suck whatever every day.

#2 OLIVIA JADE

This bratty rectum fungus has made a major life decision. She's not going back to USC! You know, that university that her mommy and daddy (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuilli) lied and cheated (allegedly) to get her into. She's now going to return to her career as: Social Media Influencer.

"She never wanted to attend USC to begin with, and now she is sure that USC isn't the place for her. Right now her goal is to rebuild her brand and business."

Good luck. She lost a ton of jack after brands dropped her during the scandal. Her "people" are trying to convince her to start her own brand of something-- cosmetics, clothing. Whatevs. But since she has no ethics, perhaps her brand should test on animals, make clothing in sweatshops, etc... Here's an idea-- She could pimp things for liars: burner phones, clean urine samples, Ashley Madison subscriptions....

Here's another idea: Eat a large bag of dicks.

Speaking of eating some Oscar Mayer, Miley is apparently done with meat and is going vajeegan. After less than a year of marriage to Liam Hemsworth, she's decided to call it quits. In a mutual statement:

"Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."

Privacy? This cooch waffle is nothing but an open-spread-eagle book. How many times have we been tortured with pics of her crotch? And that damned tongue sticking out of her stupid head! Anywho, she left her hot hubs for Brody Jenner's ex-wife Kaitlynn Carter. Miley and Kaitlynn took a girl's trip to Italy, and when they returned-- Miley dumped Liam. What a coincidence.

Seriously, who would ever want to be near this petri dish? Like the air around her would be heavy with funk. You really are a virus, Cyrus. MRSA times a thousand. How much penicillin will it take to wipe you from the planet?

Wilted Rose

8/9/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 10, 2019:

#3 GIGI HADID

I'm not into the reality show The Bachelorette. But I have plenty of friends and social media that's all about it, so I know what's happened. Tyler Cameron was the 2nd place "winner" but then ended up going out with Bachelorette Hannah after the show though he didn't win... and then in another soap opera turn, he decided to hang out with model Gigi Hadid. He's a tool, cuz not only is he swinging his schlong all over the place-- he missed a court appearance in Florida to go out with Gigi. But I digress.

This slap is about Gigi.

Girl, you are the "it" supermodel right now. You can have the best of the all-beef franks out there, and you're choosing a reality TV show creep? He's not even cute. And, he's obviously looking to keep his name out there by taking you out. Why entertain this fool? Are you slumming it? Best get a big supply of batteries instead of grabbing any sausage sammie that's available.

Wake up!

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

Haven't heard a nauseating peep from this one in ages, and then-- BAM! Made the list for a second week in a row. Last week, this offensive wench was worried about being "f&ckable" at her age, and now she dropped some eff bombs on Instagram Live when someone dared to question her cooking abilities:

"Do I actually cook? Yes, I f*cking cook! Goddamnit. You think I would write -- you think I would pretend to write cookbooks if I didn't cook?"

Uhmmm... yeah. There are plenty of "cooks" who write books and don't cook. Egads! So trashy for someone who claims to be so classy. Touchy much? Rule #1: don't engage a troll on social media. And if you do, no nastiness. Be savvy.

Bet you won' like it when I call you a "testicle junkie"... now, go make me a gourmet grilled cheese.

#1 SHEP ROSE, Southern Charm cast member

This guy comes across as this cool-every-dude, but he's got teeth. and ol' boy bites. Hard. Not so southern charming. After watching him on this show, he's just a big man-child. With a ton of family money. He doesn't have to work, gets mailbox money on the regular, and has no problem asserting his "intelligence" and "superiority" over the peasants.

In a really sh&tty move, the 40-year-old frat boy thought it'd be funny to record video of himself harassing a homeless woman in New York collecting cans. He said:

"Look at me. Nice cans! I mean, the cans you have!"

HA HA HA! Not. That's the funniest joke ever. Get it. Cans? Lame. Then, when the woman covered her face and yelled "No!", he refused to stop.

His fans eviscerated him on social media. But, he cares about no one.

"Omg. I offended you! Ok. Here's the plan, sensitivity training 5 times per week. Then intensive therapy (hot yoga?) followed by a public flogging in the town square. Then i move to Siberia and live in an igloo for 4 months. At this point. I think I'll be cleansed of your disapproval."

He also tweeted that people should simply unfollow him.

I'd say I'm shocked by his lack of compassion, but I'm not. You should be grateful every day that you will never be in that woman's situation. Disgusting. Degrading. Disrespectful. What a crap blower you are!

Slappable

8/2/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 2, 2019:

#3 LUANN de LESSEPS, Real Housewives of New York City Castmember

Despite her multiple trips to rehab and her arrest, her lawsuit from her children, this chick still thinks she's a classy dame.

Ol' girl has been making ends meet with a cabaret show. Mind you, she can't really sing. Like, turtles banging sound better. But, she's riding on the notoriety of her misdeeds and her reality TV show life. So much so that she claimed she was cast in Chicago on Broadway. She said during the recent RHONY reunion:

"I want to tell you all right now, that for someone who can't sing, I just got cast... So, you know, take that and shove it up your ass. How's that?"

Is this language you'd advise us to use in one of your etiquette handbooks? Okay, then. Why don't you shove something up your ass? Like your lies. No Chicago for you, though your people claim there's a scheduling conflict. Nice going, former Count-ass.

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

So, people still interview her because she's still famous. Sigh. But she was getting deep with some talk show host about women and aging, and how it's so tough for her because people think she's beautiful and now she's getting older. WAAAAH!

Yup. It happens.

"To get wrinkles, like, get closer to menopause, and all these things... what happens to your identity as a woman if you're not f&ckable and beautiful?"

Uh, my answer would be that you could always f*ck yourself...

Oh, and you can take comfort knowing that you're always slappable...

P.S. Don't you have something on that GOOP website of yours that can make you more... coitus-able?

#1 KATHY GRIFFIN

Some people are so repulsive to me, I'd rather have 10 consecutive pap smears than hear their name mentioned ever again. This is how I feel about our #1 offender. I've tried to like her. I've tried to find her funny. I can't.

All she seems to be good at is spewing nastiness and beefin' with whomever she feels like. Her latest victim: Andy Cohen.

"She's made up a lot of stuff about me in the past few years that has just been untrue and sad. I hope she finds some peace."

She's also feuding with Ellen DeGeneres, Perez Hilton, and Harvey Levin. Guess when you're trying to find relevance, you just fight with someone to get out there. Even though she says she's trying to find her peace in life after the Donald Trump photo scandal.

We prefer she find peace on another planet.

Tweet Attack

7/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending 07/26/19:

Our slapees are reality TV stars. What does that say about who are considered "stars" nowadays? At least they're doing stupid stuff get slapped for! Woo hoo!

#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey Cast Member

Italians are known for being passionate and hot-tempered. Teresa rose to Housewives fame after flipping a table in a moment of rage. When asked about Season 10 of the show, she said her anger is next-level:

'What happened, I didn't expect it to happen. I'm shocked. It's just screwed up, you know? Let me just tell you, I was more mad this season than when I flipped the table."

Supposedly, her anger was directed at co-star Danielle Staub-- the same person that enraged her enough to flip that table in Season 1.

Best check yoself. Are you still on probation? Surely, you don't want to wear those bracelets again.

#2 MR. & MRS. JAX & BRITTANY TAYLOR, Vanderpump Rules Cast Members

I thought the "honeymoon" phase of a marriage was supposed to last a year or two. For this reality TV couple, it was a whopping month! Anyone that watches this show shouldn't be surprised. Methinks their engagement and wedding was just for a payday. See, sweet Kentucky native Brittany finally made an honest man out of manho Jax Taylor. HA HA HA HA! This dude is notorious for letting his snake slither into whatever cave is warm and moist. So, it was quite amazing that Brittany forgave his cheating, as well as his shaming behavior. He has a tendency to talk down to women, treat them like dirt, and lie like a welcome mat. But Brittany has a forgiving nature (need more screen time), and the two became closer than ever- especially after Jax's father passed away unexpectedly.

After dropping 10 grand on an engagement party, and who knows how much on a fairytale wedding, things are rocky. Why? Because he's still a man-child P.O.S. and she can stop spending above their means.

"It has just been one thing after another. Brittany is already accusing Jax of having a wandering eye and she doesn't know how she is ever really going to trust him... Jax is freaking out about money now, too."

And... they don't have a pre-nup.

I'm sure the next step is getting pregnant-- for the cameras. Gag. Thanks for making a mockery of marriage...

#1 KYLE RICHARDS, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Cast Member

You are the perfect example of how one should think before social media-ing. So many people live for that instant share-my-thoughts-with-the-world. Unfortunately, thinking rarely occurs before you hit "post". Sigh...

After Part 2 of the "reunion show", Kyle went on a 29 tweet rant. Twenty, Nine. Da fuq? We won't re-post the rant because y'all have better things to do. Maybe find it when you're sitting on the toilet and need to pass... time. Anywho, the drama of the show this season was over O.G. Lisa Vanderpump's dog rescue and a scandal involving a cast member adopting a dog but not returning it per contract, blah, blah, blah. "Puppy Gate" put me off the show forever. Sadly manufactured for a storyline. But the worst part was the rest of the cast members ganging up on Vanderpump-- a woman who had just lost her brother to suicide, and her mother passed away. Way to show your support.

So, to feel the need to rant on Twitter is sad. Who gives a f&ck? You "ladies" are a bunch of bullies with money and fading beauty and desperation for attention. To tweet about how tough your life is is laughable-- considering how you all have treated Lisa V. Perhaps there's jealousy that she can walk away, that she is uber wealthy through all her businesses and that she looks fabulous while doing it all.

Take your playground pettiness and shove it. Think the Botox has pickled your brain.

LA LA Land

7/19/2019

Offenders for the week ending July 19, 2019:

#3 LIL WAYNE

It must've been the heat that made Lil a little crazy. Cuz ol dude was gonna walk away from the Blink-182 Tour he's co-headlining. Four songs into his set in Virginia, he stopped:

"Hold on. I just want the people to know, if you're wondering, please forgive me, but I am so not used to performing to a crowd. And there's not too many. Like, still, that's not my swag. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to do this tour, but make some noise for Blink-182 including me anyway. This might be my last night though."

Apparently, he came to his senses. Or his people made him come to his senses. Cuz Lil Wayne is still on the road. Y'all don't need a lawsuit.

#2 KIM CATTRALL

Put the menopause claws away, sister! We get it. She hates former Sex In The City castmate Sarah Jessica Parker. But do you have to mention it every time someone remotely asks you a question about a reunion or new movie? When asked about the possibility of a third movie:

"Never. It's a no from me. You learn lessons in life and my lesson is to do work with good people and try and make it fun."

We get it. Sarah was allegedly mean to you (?) It's all you talk about, actually. Why give her any juice if it is true?

#1 HOLLYWOOD

Yes. An entire zone is getting the slap hand.

We understand the desire for diversity. That's why we believe y'all should create original, fresh movies and TV shows. Can we back off the remakes? Can we leave iconic movie characters alone?

Hollywood is patting itself on the back for casting a young, beautiful, African American woman in the new James Bond flick-- and giving her the 007 numbers. See, Bond is coming out of retirement and returning to MI6 and discovers his numbers haven't been retired. The producers of the Bond franchise believe the character needs to grow.

No. He doesn't. I recall women of all colors included in these films in the past. Oh, and they're notlonger calling Bond Girls, Bond Girls. They are women. Fine.

Look. James Bond is historically a womanizing, smack-a-dame-on-the-ass, suave, man-ho, with cool weapons. Keep him that way. Why not make Atomic Blonde a dude then? Oh...