Haus of V - Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Fashion Fail

4/20/2018

Offenders for the week ending April 20, 2018:

#3 KENYA MOORE

The Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member has saved her peach-holding job with a bun in the oven. Yup. She dropped that bombshell during the reunion show, but was playing coy about the details.

"We will definitely be welcoming a boy or a girl in... late this year."

The internets started speculating that the newlywed may not be incubating the latest diva (or divo) from hell herself. Well, Kenya has been known to buy men to help her create a relationship storyline for the show. Is she doing the same thing now?

"The producers still don't really believe that she is pregnant so until filming happens, and the story unfolds, they're not guaranteeing her anything."

You better not be lyin' about this, girl. Too many women struggle with infertility and suffered miscarriages. This would even be too low for you.

#2 MARIA BAMFORD

I raise my hand. I didn't know this scum blower is comedian. Or actress, or whatever. But this anus fold wants to file a restraining order against the President of the United States. Why?

"(Trump's) comments about North Korea, Russia, and the nuclear arms race poses such a danger it has caused her anxiety and depression."

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

She especially tinkled in her shorts after hearing this quote from our President:

"I too have a nuclear button and my button works."

I'm feeling all light-headed and panicky just reading that! (LOL)

Look, bitch. Good job fame-whoring; bad job at knowing how our government works. The Prez has a button, but can't push it unless everyone agrees. Go back to school, fool.

#1 KARL LAGERFELD

Why should we give two f*cks about what this fossilized schlong who won't take off his over-priced Blue Blocker sunglasses has to say about anything!?!? (Deep breath....) Because he's just so asinine. In case you were wondering, Karl is "fed up" with the #MeToo movement.

"What shocks me most in all of this are the starlets who have taken 20 years to remember what happened. Not to mention the fact there are no prosecution witnesses."

Maybe they finally feel secure enough to say something. Have you ever been sexually extorted (and not by someone you paid for on Backpage?) Then zip it! And another thing, creepers don't creep in public because they don't want witnesses.

Then, we spewed this last shart of verbal diarrhea:

"If you don't want your pants pulled about, don't become a model! Join a nunnery, there'll always be a place for you in the convent."

I. Can't. Even.

How 'bout we slap you?

Too bad this wasn't a wardrobe malfunction, because failing at being human is far worse.

That Other Pink Thing Is Your Brain...

4/13/2018

Offenders for the week ending April 13, 2018:

"Yah, Yah, Yah, I am Lorde..."

#3 LORDE

In our first glowing example of needing to use one's brain... Lorde posted an Instagram pic with the title "day off" with her awaiting bathtub and the caption:

"And iiiii will always love you"

Oh no, you din't! Lorde's fans were less-than-pleased with her obvious Whitney Houston death reference. In case you've forgotten, Whitney was found dead in a hotel room tub in February 2012. She suffered complications from heart disease and long-term cocaine usage and accidentally drowned.

Lorde is sorry, though:

"Extremely poorly chosen quote. I'm so sorry for offending anyone-- I hand't even put this together I was just excited to take a bath."

Girl, you wish you could sing like Whitney and have even a fraction of the career she had. Your singing sounds like a grouchy vagina in heat.

"Hay, Girlz. I'm comin' for ya!"

#2 TRISTAN THOMPSON (& KHLOE KARDASHIAN)

In our second example of upper-pink-failure... We all know you're a baller, but you don't need to show your balls off to every magic box walking around. Yes, you have money and fame and all the ladies want you. Or more like your baby for the pay day. If these fellas would actually use their brains, they'd be covert in their philandering ways-- not in NYC mackin' on an Instagram model who's looking for 20 minutes of fame. Sigh. He's been caught in video, in photos, and tawdry texts were spilled all over the internets.

Khloe K just gave birth to your baby. And speaking of Khloe-- girl, please. You've never heard the saying:

"If he'll cheat with you, he will cheat on you"

Maybe she was just looking for a donor, and maybe he was just trying to help wayward skanks. You know, give 'em a leg up...

So help us if your dramz infects the CAVS during the playoffs. Grrrrrr!

#1 TONY ROBBINS

Our primo example of thinking before speaking... This sham of a life coach needs some coaching of his own. He was recently caught on video slamming the #MeToo movement, saying women are just trying to gain significance:

"If you use the #MeToo movement to try to get significance and certainty by attacking and destroying someone else, all you've done is basically use a drug called significance to make yourself feel good."

Sure. It feels good to speak up about sexual extortion or abuse. Glad you are here to show us the way, queef fondler.

A woman in the audience challenged Robbins, but was cut off. Then, he said that men are afraid of hiring attractive women because of the movement. Yup. We've been waiting for this precise moment in our history to exact our revenge because not all of us want to touch random penises.

But he's sorry:

"Sometimes, the teacher has to become the student and it is clear that I still have much to learn. I teach that 'life happens for you, not to you' and what I've realized is that while I've dedicated my life to working with victims of abuse all over the world, I need to get connected to the brave women of #MeToo."

Kudos on your beautifully-contrived-not-heartfelt-statement from your PR department.

Here's a little somethin' for ya:

#MotivateThis #UndercoverSexist #ThisPinkWillKickYourPinkNubbinCleanOff

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Motor City Madmouth

4/6/2018

Offenders for the week ending April 6, 2018:

"I look good. But I'm still trashy."

#3 BLAC CHYNA

Aren't amusement parks supposed to be... amusing? While it's true that there are potential douchebags wherever one travels, there's no need to give in to one's own dbaggery. Of course, we are talking about known scum sucking opportunist, Blac Chyna.

This picture of motherhood-- wearing her full-on war paint and Spandex to Six Flags Magic Mountain for quality time with her kid-- got into some kind of fight with another group of park enthusiasts. Someone allegedly yelled some nasty names at her, while someone else supposedly tried to touch her daughter's hand. Anywho, it ended with the classy move of Blac throwing a stroller at her antagonists. And, I think this fool threw her own baby's stroller at them. Girl, bye.

"Being famous is hard enough dealing with scrutiny but when someone feels comfortable to come and touch our child it's a whole other story..."

Agreed. No one should try and touch your child. So maybs we can get a new personal security team, because those peeps are supposed to prevent rogue commoners from getting too close, no?

"Come and get me, wolfpack!"

#2 COREY FELDMAN

I don't doubt that you experienced many Hollywood horrors. And I'm sorry that your quest to raise money for a tell-all truthful (not a documentary) film and molester name-naming didn't happen.

Are you auditioning for The Boy Who Cried Wolf? It was mildly acceptable when you claimed that your life was in danger if you were to reveal the names of the known Hollywood child molesters. But to claim a murderous werewolf pack of degenerates tried to stab you to death? Sigh. Supposedly, three men approached his car and one stabbed him with a knife-- or syringe-- while his security was distracted. (What's up with this trend of nut-less security?)

Corey's attorney says the attack was truly fueled by road rage. I see... Did someone get mouthy?

But Corey insists it's all a conspiracy!

"I do know for a fact that that conspiracy has to do with every false accusation that you've heard about me in the media in the last six months. And I do know who the organizer of that conspiracy is and I do know who it's being lead by-- and I do know why. It all has to do with the pedophilia claims I've made."

Then name names and be done with it. The truth shall set you free, right? Please get the help that you need. Hopefully, this slap will wake you up!

"My mouth runs just as fast as I play!"

#1 TED NUGENT

This one hurts. I've met you in person. You're cool. A rock-n-roll legend. I respect your outspoken-ness, though I don't always agree. The Parkland school shooting has sparked all kinds of debate in this nation. While I believe in our constitutional rights, I believe we need balance. And yes, I agree that people can be manipulated by others to fulfill the puppet master's agenda. But I do not agree with the notion that all people are complicit in a conspiracy.

Fact: The frequency of school shootings are rising-- for whatever reason.

Fact: Children are scared. Confused. Looking to us as grown folk to help remedy the situation.

To call the Parkland survivors "soulless" and "mushy brained" is wrong.

Whether they're indeed being used or not, if someone feels convicted in a thought or philosophy-- we need to respect that. A person that has a differing view is not necessarily soulless. You may feel they are "lost" or "misguided", but they are still humans.

We need to cut through the bullsh*t and try to make change. So, all you celebrities with millions of followers need to stop name calling, start using what brains you have, and try to use your platform for change. If you truly give a sh*t.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Stormy Weather

3/30/2018

Offenders for the week ending March 30, 2018:

"I'm a loser jackass..."

#3 KEVIN FEDERLINE

Congrats on turning 40 and spending your entire life being a paid-for-dick. Because you are a dick. And not even a good dick at that. But you did manage to wang Brittney Spears so, you're at minimum a lucky dick.

K-F*ck, who's seeking more child support from Brit (because 20 grand a month isn't enough for two kids), decided to throw himself a blowout birthday bash in Vegas. I'm sure he paid for it with his own cash. Speaking of cash, that was the name of his bash-- CASH. Nice subtle message when you're trying to get more money. What a douche. At least he donned his best sweatpants and sweatshirt and dragged his wifey to the V.I.P. section for bottle service. Did I mention his party was at The Crazy Horse III gentleman's club?

Classy.

But the topper was his birthday cake designed with stacks of $100 bills printed with his face. He was quite pleased:

"This is the dopest cake I've ever seen."

Why couldn't you have hyperventilated into oblivion when you blew out the candles?

Back when he had fitness... not FATness...

#2 ALBERT BELLE

You never fooled us. You've always been bad-boy Joey Belle. Guess who got busted while spring training was wrapping up in Arizona? This pathetic excuse for a man. More known for his violent outbursts and temperament than his ball playing, Al was arrested for DUI and indecent exposure.

According to witnesses, Al pulled his pants down and was tinkling behind the front door of his car. A woman who saw his bare butt voiced her disgust, to which Albert responded (allegedly):

"Don't look then. If you gotta go, you gotta go."

Then, a father and his daughter were equally less than pleased, to which Albert responded by shaking his fruit bowl at the family.

Is that a corked bat, or are you just happy to see us?

Ick. Keep your jiggly Jell-o ring mold to yourself.

"DUH... DUH... DUH..."

#1 STORMY DANIELS

This ho hurricane really needs to stick a plug in all her holes. So, if we're to believe you banged the President before he was president why are you speaking out now? If you weren't a victim and chose to play the skin flute-- who cares? How convenient that you decided now to forgo your NDA and that whopping $130,000 alleged hush payment and share with the world what a wonderful example you are for women.

Yawn.

I really couldn't give two balls about who's in bed with whom before they become President. I do care about a president getting his knob polished while on the phone with a foreign dignitary while in the Ov(r)al Office. Wait... that did happen.

So, you admitted that you weren't physically attracted to Mr. Trump, but you rode that pony anyways because you might be cast on Celebrity Apprentice and further your pristine career. You even allegedly said you knew you'd never get cast because of your porno life, yet you still bumped uglies anyways. Hhhhmmmm.

It's time for this storm to dissipate.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Tattoo Boo!

3/23/2018

Offenders for the week ending March 23, 2018:

"I'm a ho pirate."

#3 KYLIE JENNER

Why we make these tw*t biscuits celebrities, I'll never understand. But they're great fodder for us. Kylie's taking the heat for giving her newest Kylie Cosmetic blushes salacious names-- because she has a lot of teenage fans. Some of those names include: X Rated, Virginity, and Barely Legal. Social media lit up like the Fourth of July with fury:

"Kylie Jenner decided to name her cheap blushes with even cheaper names. Seems they're named after her life, underage-dating a 20-something dad. Bravo @krisjenner."

Well, when you don't live in reality while the rest of us do-- you don't think of consequences. Frankly, there's no thinking at all.

Here are some blush color names you might want to consider for your next autobiographical blush batch:

Angry Beaver
DNA Dumpster
Schlong Serenade

Or my favorite: STFU Forever F&ck Face.

"Don't mind while I violate you..."

#2 KATY PERRY

Katy's taking the heat for smooching 19-year-old Benjamin Glaze against his will during his recent American Idol audition. He confessed to the panel of judges that he had never kissed a gal because:

"I wanted to save it for my first relationship, I wanted it to be special."

Awwww! But now he's been violated. See, Katy sprung up and offered her cheek (so glad it wasn't her ass cheek) for him to peck. Dissatisfied that Benjamin didn't make the "smush" sound when he kissed her cheek, he tried again. That's when she pulled the ol' switcherooski and he ended up kissing her on the lips.

Gag!

That mouth has been on dirty-butt Russell Brand, known manwhore John Mayer, and many, many more questionable meat platters!

Even though he didn't make it to Hollywood, the kid has class. He says he doesn't feel sexually harassed, and says the kiss doesn't count because it was just physical contact with no emotion behind it. Which is probably how Katy's justified all her dong diving.

"I really am a toolbag!"

#1 BEN AFFLECK

Dude. How many midlife "crises" can you have!?!?! And if you're gonna have two jillion crises, own 'em all! Back in 2016, Benster was spotted with a massive back tattoo-- like, a full-back tattoo. He claimed it was for a movie role.

Well guess, what. NOT! He was recently spotted, sans shirt, with the full-color phoenix rising artwork on his back. And it wasn't pretty for many reasons. Justifiably, the internets went all bat-shit over B-Aff's gaffe. Twitter user Crystal Methanny had this gem:

"Next time you're feeling sad, remember that you're not Ben Affleck so you (probably) don't have a tattoo so big and so ugly and so universally ridiculed that you had to lie and say it was only temporary and just for a movie when it is so clearly not."

Ben's maybe-ex-wife Jennifer Garner is a little disturbed by the supposed meaning behind the tacky tat:

"A phoenix rising from the ashes. Am I the ashes in this scenario? I take umbrage. I refuse to be the ashes."

She should get a phoenix rising tat, too. Except she's definitely rising from the ashes of that asshat.

P.S. Looks like a color wheel threw up on you.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

C U Next Tuesday...

3/16/2018

Offenders for the week ending March 16, 2018:

"I'm fierce and I know stuff, and... I don't."

#3 MEL B

I guess Mel's next career move should be a comedian, since she was just joking about the Spice Girls performing at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding. She claimed the spicy ladies were all invited and would sing, but.... Mel C said her invitation must've gotten lost in the mail.

"Oh yes there's been quite a lot of press interest there, my invite hasn't turned up yet. It was all that snow..."

Well, the Spice Girls are Prince Harry's fav and the girls have been talking about reuniting... but the gals won't be providing the zigazig-ahhhh. Guess that'll be happening on the wedding night.

Maybe we should change your moniker to Scattered Spice since you can't figure out what in the AF is going on!

"All that talking makes me so sleepy..."

#2 PAMELA ANDERSON

Pam's ex, Tommy Lee, is going to press charges against their son Brandon for allegedly knocking him out cold the other night. Tommy claims he was kicking Brandon out of the family home, while Pam and Brandon say Tommy is a nasty-ass alcoholic-- and that Brandon was in the midst of an intervention when the melee ensued. Just like with her legs, Pam couldn't keep her mouth shut-- and spilled all the tea.

"I pray Tommy gets the help he needs... He's not acting like a father, but this is nothing new... Nobody understands the lifetime of disappointment this man has brought our family... Jealous of his sons talent and beauty from the day they were born... He is sick. The definition of narcissist/sociopath..."

Messy. And we really didn't need to know this. If you recall, Tommy spent some time in rehab in the late 80s.

I get that you want to protect your kiddos from their wayward drunkard daddy, but going public with such detailed information serves no one and makes the situation worse for everyone.

Please do us all a favor and just stick to seducing Julian Asshat. Thanks.

"I'm a f&cking classy b*tch!"

#1 JENNIFER LAWRENCE

I really used to dig you. I don't know if it's your diarrhea of the mouth that's turned me off or if it's your I'm-a-silly-gal-just-like-you-I'm-so-f*ckin-sweet-and-cool bullsh*t narrative... Wait, it's both. Yes, I know for certain why I get the dry heaves at the mere mention of your name. And this further proves my assessment that you're a complete slut bucket.

Hollywood queef garglers like you are supposed to be better than us. More evolved. Deep thinkers. The righters of wrongs. And more recently, the face of woman power. Well, you ain't for women if you're calling fellow females "c*nts".

During an appearance on Watch What Happens Live, she slammed reality TV star LaLa Kent with this poetic line:

"Bitch you's a c*nt."

Thanks for the hood language, basic white girl. Ms. LaLa was not pleased:

"You're one of the highest paid actresses on the planet... you claim you are pro-women and you call another woman a c*nt? You're gross."

Maybe she meant it as a compliment. Because she is one.

Burn.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Back For More...

3/9/2018

Offender for the week ending March 9, 2018:

because we're not a toolbags...

#3, #2, #1 ARIE LUYENDYK JR.

For the second time in slap history, I'm devoting this entire rant to one repulsive individual. Congrats, Arie Luyendyk Jr. Your multiple soul-sucking appearances on The Bachelor/The Bachelorette have earned you a whole lotta slap. As stated previously, I don't watch this show. But I can't escape you-- and your sack-less ways. ABC touted the season finale as "shocking" and "like no other." Well, it was indeed some stanky bullsh*t.

The final two ladies vying for Arie's hand in marriage were Becca and Lauren. Arie proposed to Becca. They went house shopping together and were planning on committing for the long haul, but after five weeks...

"I told Becca I would choose her every day and I know I made that commitment, and it kills me that I'm going back on that, but I have to follow my heart... Just thinking about the possibility of something with Lauren is making me want to risk it all, because I really feel like I made a mistake."

Yup. He dumped Becca to propose to Lauren. What a warted ween. Both Arie and ABC took a lot of heat on social media for airing the whole mess unedited-- calling it "cruel" and "unnecessary".

Lauren deserves Arie and Becca is the new Bachelorette, so all is well. There were rumors that Lauren received Arie's demon seed, but that wasn't confirmed during the big finale. Fingers crossed, that it's just a rumor. We have enough idiots breathing our good air.

Arie, you give your fellow Dutch peeps and the entire male gender a bad name. Please go away. Like, vacate the Universe. Thanks.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

The BachelorWhore

3/2/2018

Offenders for the week ending March 2, 2018:

What job do you have?

#3 HEATHER LOCKLEAR

WTH has happened to you!?!? This former bombshell must've been bombed when police were called to her home on a domestic violence issue:

"(she) was uncooperative and agitated. She was not only verbally uncooperative, but physically abusive to officers... she attacked three of our deputies and was arrested. There was also evidence that she had battered her boyfriend."

She's been in rehab several times over the years-- most recently last January for substance abuse issues.

Do we blame Tommy Lee for this? Did too much of the rock-n-roll-bad-boy lifestyle taint you over the years?

"I'm in da money! I'm in da money!"

#2 KEVIN FEDERLINE

If he wasn't a depositor in The Bank of Brit Brit, we'd never know who this toolbag is. He had his lawyers put his ex-wife, Britney Spears, on notice because he wants mo' money for child support. I guess her recent lucrative run in Vegas didn't get past him! KFed claims their two sons need to maintain an equal lifestyle with both parents at all times. Plus, his life was inconvenienced because he had to adjust his schedule so the boys could spend time with their mom.

Inconvenienced? This ass scab hasn't worked a day since he met Brit in 2004! Oh, he probably needs some extra cash because he does have another kid with another woman. Yeah, remember how he dumped his pregnant girlfriend when he met Britney?

Yup. Total P.O.S.

The only thing he's good at is walking around with his hand out. Or his d*ck out...

"... I'm a complete asshole."

#1 "THE BACHELOR" ARIE LUYENDYK JR

I watch enough bad reality TV, but The Bachelor has never been in my repertoire. But I know that Arie is a boring, unlikable hoe jammer. If you've never seen this show, the premise revolves around the bachelor's search for true love. Each season ends in a proposal, but only one has actually gotten married. Perhaps people are using this platform for instafame? Nooooo. Anywho, Arie is The Bachelor for a second time. And he continues to prove what a ginormous sack sore he really is.

Caroline Lunny was favored as an early frontrunner to win Arie's affections but, alas, was sent home. She had presented the former race car driver with a mix tape of her favorite songs. Arie in turn, used her tunes while in the fantasy suite with another woman-- who happened to be her good friend. Wha!?!?

"It's fine, because he knew that we were really close, but I was kind of, like, 'That's a little off-sides buddy, playing my f*cking mixtape.'"

Uhhhh... maybe his fantasy is a threesome?

If this weren't bad enough, Arie just may be hated for pulling a switcheroo-ski after the final rose is given. And he says he's ready for backlash from the season finale. Rumor has it that he gets un-engaged, then gets together with his second-place true love because she's... wait for it... preggo!

Is this the Maury Povich show? Do us all a favor and get the snip-snip so you aren't adding to the fool count on this planet.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Not So "Dope"

2/23/2018

Offenders for the week ending February 23, 2018:

Actually...

#3 NBC

I'm convinced this network is the home of complete nut beaters-- like Megyn Kelly and Matt Lauer-- all awash in arrogance and ignorance. First off, network announcers REFUSE to pronounce Pyeonchang (that place that's hosting the Winter Games) properly-- even though they know how. Pyeongchang is pronounced with with an "ah" sound. We "ang" things over here. NBC Broadcasting and Sports chairman Mark Lazarus is all out of f&cks to give. The reason for ignoring what's correct and proper?

"It's cleaner."

Oh. Then maybe we should call you "Dick" because it's "cleaner", and clearly that's what your name should be. But this isn't the network's only faux pas. Secondly, Dan Hicks and Bode Miller were announcing an Alpine race in which a low-ranked skier ended up winning the gold. But these two twits announced the favored athlete as winning and refused to admit their mistake.

NBC, you win the gold in Dumbassery.

"I'm so ripped and ready for this!"

#2 RUSSIAN OLYMPIC ATHLETE ALEXANDER KRUSHELNITSKY

Russia is already in a timeout for doping, and the country's athletes can't compete under the Russian flag. So you'd think a Russian athlete wouldn't want to get caught doping. Wrong! Alexander Krushednutsky must've thought "hey, we're already in trouble..."

A.K. failed his drug test-- twice. He had meldonium in his system. The heart medicine increases blood flow and boosts stamina. You need that for ski jumping. Or bobsledding. Or speed skating. Or for... curling.

Curling...

Seriously!?!? There's so much pressure in curling that you need to take performance-enhancing drugs!?!?!? Have you seen some of these curlers? I imagine their "training" consists of slamming Big Macs, burritos, and Mountain Dew, then power napping on the couch!

Curling!!!!!

Guess he was stoned. Yes, slap me for the bad pun.

"I'm the only one clapping for my sh*tbag performance..."

#1 FERGIE

Not the former Duchess of York, but The Duchess of BEP (Black Eyed Peas). In case you missed it (and your ears hope you did), Fergie put her special spin on our National Anthem. A spin that resulted in a crash and burn. In what can best be described as Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday Mister President"-banging-a drunk jazz singer, there wasn't a dry eye in the house at the NBA All-Star game.

Because of the laughter.

What in the actual hell was she thinking? Cuz you know she rehearsed. You know her people had to have heard her rendition, yet..... Please. Just sing the anthem with some class and less ass.

Maybe she was trying to seduce a younger, suave, cash-stacked baller since she's divorced...

We should sue her for earhole assault.

Perhaps The Duchess should be renamed The Douchess.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Boston Tea-r Party

2/9/2018

Offenders for the week ending February 2, 2018:

"There's really nothing to see here..."

#3 JOE KENNEDY III

Joe Kennedy The Turd has continued in the family business-- shady politics. The Dems picked this perpetually-high looking lad to deliver the rebuttal to the State of the Union address. Perfect fit, actually, because he made an ass of himself. I didn't even hear a word of what he was saying, because I was fixated on his glazed-doughnut-face.

Was that drool? Too much lipstick on a dipstick? Or did he fellate Krispy Kreme?

I'm sure y'all can afford to get some intern to check your face before your appearance on national TV.

Or did you drive her into the Potomac?

"Let's get crunk, y'all!"

#2 KEVIN HART

Oh, Kevin. You're wife has forgiven your multiple indiscretions. She allows you sleep in the garage and not have to pay her a big ol' divorce settlement. So why oh why can't you get your shizz together?

Case in point: Super Bowl Sunday. He was so excited that the Eagles won, he had to rush the stage to get to the trophy. For realz. Oh, and he dropped an F-bomb while "chatting" with the dudes from the NFL Network.

Why give a drunk guy a mic? Duh.

At least he took his gaffes and turned it into a teachable(?) moment via social media:

"To all the kids out there, I just want to say don't drink. When alcohol is in your system, you do dumb stuff."

Here's some advice: Keep your love snake in your pants. And when your wife tells you it's a bad idea to run up on stage drunken and foolishly... listen.

"I've got something in my eye..."

#1 TOM BRADY

WTF? Yes, we know you're a competitor. And yes, losing sucks. Having class never goes out of style. You should try it some time. After the Eagles won, Bratty couldn't bring himself to congratulate Nick Foles-- the Super Bowl winning quarterback and game MVP. Foles, though, exuded enough class for the both of them by saying it was crazy on the field and that's why Baby Tom didn't make his way over to congratulate him.

At least Tom's wife, Giselle, did the right thing. She posted on social media:

"Congratulations Eagles for winning the Super bowl, what a game that was!"

She also consoled her kids by reminding them that this was the first Super Bowl win for the Eagles.

As Beyonce would say: "Who runs the world? Girls."

Change your name to Tomasina and maybe you'll have more balls.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com