Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Get Over It

6/11/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 11, 2021:

#3 JASON SUDEIKIS

Try as he may, Jason is still really broken over his breakup with his fiancee and baby momma, Olivia Wilde-- who left him for Harry Styles. A source says:

"They're going from strength to strength, and he's still massively upset and, to be honest, is still a little angry."

We feel for you, but this slap is to wake you da fuque up! Olivia walked away from your lengthy relationship and family unit for some young Oscar Mayer. It sucks. But you deserve better than someone who's going to throw everything away for some celery-stalk lovin'. Enjoy your current situation with British model Keeley Hazel.

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#2 Tiger King "Stars" JEFF LOWE & WIFEY LAUREN

Let's be honest. None of the stars of this Netflix documentary are upstanding citizens. Not. One. They're all a little "oak-y" as in "shady." The Lowes are right up there. Maybe even worse than Joe Exotic. I know, right?

These two wealthier-than-they-should-be-animal-"lovers" are now in trouble for DUI in Oklahoma City. According to police, the couple drove out of a parking lot, drove over a curb, then abruptly stopped. Lauren got out of the driver's seat and switched places with Jeff. But since he was drunk, too, well...

A police chase ensued. The two failed sobriety tests and reeked of booze. I expected more from these two. Like roaming the streets, drunk, while riding on tigers. But since their tigers were confiscated...

P.S. A big eff you to Netflix for even introducing us to these.... creatures. And I don't mean the tigers...

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#1 ARMIE HAMMER

So not shocking. This penultimate scumbag has checked himself into rehab. Because that's what celebs do when they want to paint on a halo for all of their (alleged) misdeeds. Armie has left the Cayman Islands for rehab near Orlando for addictions to drugs, alcohol. and sex. I mean, poor Armie has had a hard life. We just don't understand,..

"Everyone looks at Armie thinking that he's had some sort of privileged life-- and that must mean there were no problems in his youth and everything was peachy keen. But that's not necessarily the way things go. Just because you come from an upbringing where financial resources are plentiful doesn't mean life isn't without problems."

Boo hoo. Yes. He has problems. But they were probably ignored because he comes from money. There is no way his fantasies of rape and cannibalism just popped up one day in his adult life. Surely, he exhibited some freakiness to his closest of friends who should've been real friends and sought help for him.

But methinks this guy is beyond living a fetish. He really wants to hurt women and eat their flesh. So we'll see if he truly wants help or not. The odds are not forever in his favor.

P.S. Can someone douse you in some Arm & Hammer to get the stench of your douchebaggery out of the planet?

Triggered Much?

6/4/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 4, 2021:

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#3 STASSI SCHROEDER, Former Reality TV Star/Still Tone Deaf and Out of Touch

It's rough when you get fired. Ask us real people, who then have to scramble and hustle to make money-- unlike yourself, Pampered Princess. When Stassi got fired from her Vanderpump Rules gig for racially insensitive social media posts, it was a delicious swig of karma. This gal knows nothing but snark, egomania, and treating others like they're less-than. She was so crushed that she had to cancel her big gender reveal because:

"we just weren't in the mood to celebrate in such a big way."

Not in the mood? Perhaps you were more afraid of the potential backlash after stepping in it and getting dragged on the socials. What was that big celebration anyways? Renting a plane to:

"... fly around Valley Village saying either 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy' so our friends could walk out of their houses, and we could social distance and celebrate."

Thankfully, some baker baked a cake. And that was the reveal, along with a modest social media post. So sorry being racist-ish messed-up your plans. FYI: 99.99999999999% of us could care less what is coming out of your vajayjay.

P.S. Hopefully your daughter will grow up to be a wiser, more aware person than yourself.

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

I was all #TeamDemi as she shared her struggles with body image and addiction. But after social media-shaming an ice cream shop for offering sugar-free flavors and virtue-signaling, I had to walk away from your team. And now, Ms. I'm Gonna Tell You All How to Live is pleading to her fans to stop complimenting weight loss online. Because it triggers her.

"... complimenting someone on their weight loss can be as harmful as complimenting someone on their weight gain with regard to talking to someone in recovery from an eating disorder. If you don't know someone's history with food, please don't comment on their body because even if your intention is pure, it might leave that person awake at 2 am overthinking that statement."

Whoa. Pump the brakes. Continue working with your therapist. We'll handle our issues if you'll handle yours. By the way-- your triggers are yours to learn to manage. It isn't our job to tiptoe around everybody because something like air can be a trigger.

P.S. Were you "California sober" when you spewed on social media?

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#1 LARSA PIPPEN

Enjoy the only time you'll ever be #1 in anybody's book, and it's because of your classy behavior (said sarcastically.) This over-the-hill, clout coin seeking, homewrecking ho-bag should really keep all her holes shut. After her lover, NBA player Malik Beasley got entangled in her poon of doom, he woke up and realized he erred. He publicly apologized to his wife (Montana Yao, who he kicked out his home along with their 2-year-old son), and asked for forgiveness.

Sad, but entertaining-- Montana and Larsa traded shots on the socials. But then Larsa had to low blow. Perhaps low-blowing is something she's good at:

"When I thought about him and how he treated your child, he's not the type of man I want around (me). Any man who would deny his child and then leave the mother penniless is not a real man. He cried entirely too much. He's cheap, but then again you never saw any alimony so you already know that."

Is that why things are over? Is it because the great Scottie Pippen (who you're still married to) isn't giving you enough money? Could be the only reason you were gobblin' a man as old as your son... Your dumbass boy toy doesn't want you. Scottie hasn't wanted you for years. And The Kardashians want nothing to do with you. Ouch.

P.S. Thanks for letting everyone know that you have an OnlyFans account. Maybe you can find a new sucker to suck on there.

What Goes Around Comes Around

5/21/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 21, 2021:

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#3 PORSHA WILLIAMS, Castmember/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Messy. Straight up messy. That's the only way to describe a person who gets engaged to her friend's ex-husband two months after "dating" him. Oh, and fiance Simon Guobadia's divorce isn't final yet. Minor detail. But who cares? Porsha is just so damned happy!

"Our relationship began a month ago-- and yes we are crazy in love. I know it's fast but we are living life each day to its fullest. I choose happiness every morning and every night. Tuning out all negative energy and only focused on positive wishes. He makes me so happy and to me, that is what matters most."

Oh. So he kisses your big booty. Because you are a lot of woman to handle. Lots of baggage you're hauling around. Good luck on your third engagement. Next time, try dating from a pool not flowing into your friends group.

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#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

This b&tch. Seriously. This. B&tch. Quarantine was rough on a lot of people. So many went through it. Hard. But apparently things were so hard for Gwynie, her diet suffered. She binged on quinoa-based cocktails every night and ate tons of... BREAD! Nooooo!

Really? Drinking your coochie-wah whiskey named after your grandpappy because you come from money and have tons of money isn't roughing it. And eating your luxury bread and pasta? Try ramen and cold Spaghetti Os from the can. But thank you, social media, for leveling-up the snarky responses:

"Everybody, please let's have a moment of silence. Things got really bad for Gwyneth Paltro during quarantine. She broke down and ate bread. I know, I know... tragic."

"In 2020, for 99% of the planet, breaking down = emotional collapse at loss of loved one, livelihood, home. For Paltrow it meant eating bread."

I know some place she can shove a French loaf...

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#1 CHRISSY TEIGEN

I loathe thieves and hypocrites. Chrissy is the Queen of Hypocrisy. While she spews her platitudes and virtue signals everyone publicly, she herself is a complete douche. She called out Matthew Perry and Ben Affleck for being "creepy" for being on the Raya dating app. Who asked you #1? And #2, who cares?

Then, Courtney Stodden refreshed Chrissy's memory-- publicly-- about all the times she bullied her. She showed the receipts of screenshots where Chrissy tweeted that a teenage Courtney should take a "dirt nap" and DM'd her that she should "go kill herself." Imagine that, the woke folk worst than the average folk who have enough character to not bully someone. Of course, Chrissy is all kinds of sorry, calling herself:

"(then) a sad, insecure, attention seeking troll".

Past tense. Really? Still present tense. You're still a troll, and still attention-seeking, Like that not-so-original stunt of leaving Twitter because you needed a break, only to return a week later, because... attention needed! Sorry not sorry you lost a couple of endorsements over your past actions. Karma is ultimately woke, because there is no discrimination. She visits everyone.

Joshhole

5/7/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 7, 2021:

Sometimes the slap has one offender so egregious, the entire list is dedicated to that one offending POS.

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#3, #2, #1 JOSH DUGGAR

The former star of "19 Kids and Counting" apparently is all about kids. He has six of his own and a seventh on the way with wife, Anna. And apparently, he's a pedo. Let's travel back in time to 2015, when TLC canceled the show after it came out that Josh molested four of his sisters. Four. Of his sisters. The family patriarch, Jim Bob (for real), said this at the time about his eldest son:

"He said he was just curious about girls and he had gone in and just basically touched them over their clothes while they were sleeping... There were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes. This was not rape or anything like that."

I can't with this family...

Back to our present time: Josh's workplace was raided last week by The Feds and he was arrested. He's been charged with receiving and possessing child pornography. His lawyers managed to get him out of jail while he awaits his trial. But he's staying with friends of the family because he can't go home and be under the same roof with minor children. He can only have supervised visits with them. Homeland Security Investigations Special Agent Gerald Faulkner testified that one file found on Joshhole's computer-- which showed children from 18-months to 12-years-old-- was

"... in the top five of the worst-of-the-worst that (he'd) ever had to examine."

During the raid, Josh asked:

"What is this about? Has someone been downloading child pornography?"

Really? Guilty much? When the agents asked if he had seen or possessed some he replied:

"I'd rather not answer that question."

GTFO!

And to top things off, he's smiling smugly in his mugshot. What a complete affront to humanity.

He should have his pedo ween cut off and be forced to wear it around his neck. Then, the Hunger Games-type hunt begins where it's us versus him in the woods and he has no weapons. Children should hunt him with common items used as weapons to bludgeon him, then we'll set him ablaze on live TV so that everyone knows that we don't tolerate molesters.

Are we good with that?

Royal A-Hole

4/30/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 30, 2021:

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#3 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO

Reality TV stars are not really stars. But they are. Even though many are just glorified degenerates. Like this Jersey Shore ween breath. While on probation for a previous domestic violence incident last year, Ronnie finds himself potential facing another charge. Apparently, there's some shady shizz going on here, because Ronnie tweeted this:

"I take all experiences as lessons. You learn who really cares about you when your down and out and than you see who doesn't! But I guess they call it the weeding process. Thank you to my real friends who haven't left my side and haven't betrayed me."

His girlfriend, Saffire Matos, had this to say:

"Ronnie and I are fine. There is a lot of misleading information floating around out there. With anybody who reached out with concern I appreciate it with all my heart, but everything that's being portrayed out there are not facts."

So, did one of y'all's "friends" call police and make an accusation? Or did they make a call because they're concerned?

We need to stop making asshats famous. Perhaps we can slap him out of stardom.

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#2 PRINCE HARRY

And the Duh Award goes to I'm-a-prince-but-don't-call-me-prince Harry. So, there's this little (large) rift between him and the royal family after he and Yoko, I mean Meghan, did that Oprah interview. He went back for Prince Phillip's funeral and was surprised by his family's "frosty reception." Well what in the actual f&ck did you think the reception would be!?!? "Hey, Harry, come give us a hug while you publicly stab us all in the back because you're all entangled in that celebrity snatch."

As a result, a source says Harry might not return to England this summer as planned for the unveiling of a statue of Princess Diana. Most likely, Harry will use the birth of his second child as an excuse to not make the trip. How convenient.

It appears that when you said your vows, you handed over your balls. And your brains. You can't put your family on blast publicly, royal or not, and expect everything (besides attitudes) to be cool. Apparently, Meghan's Magical Muffin emits something that erases your sensibility. Hope it's worth it.

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#1 MICHAEL LOHAN

It's no wonder that Lindsay and her sibling are a hot mess. Look at their parents: Dina, who's enjoying a long-term engagement to a man she's never seen in person, and Michael, a criminal ingrown ass hair. He's in more legal trouble for an alleged "patient brokering" scheme. He's one of 100 people accused of bringing patients into drug treatment centers in exchange for illegal kickbacks.

This is the same guy that opened his own drug rehab facility. Because he really wanted to help. Apparently, he was learning to help himself.

How utterly repulsive. It's crucial to match the patient with the right program for the best chance at success. You truly fit the "lo" in Lohan. Taking advantage of someone's devastation to profit yourself guarantees a special place for you in Hell. Enjoy the weenie roast.

What A-Rod

4/23/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 23, 2021:

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#3 HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Poor rape-y jailbird is having a tough life behind bars and can't be extradited to L.A. to face more sex crime charges. WAAAAAAA! Why? His lawyer says his client is going blind and is losing his teeth and he's scheduled to have those things fixed, so... Eff that! As long as this douchenozzle can hear and speak, he can physically answer to charges. Unfortunately, this affront to humanity hasn't lost his inadequate cocktail weenie.

Why is he even still breathing?

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#2 USHER

Oh, Raymond. Perhaps one of your "Confessions" should be that you knew you were making it rain with fake dollars. But hold on-- it was all a misunderstanding. Usher was visiting Sapphire Las Vegas-- he was just there for dinner and drinks, wink wink-- and somebody left behind some "Ushbucks"-- fake money with his own name and face on it-- as a tip. The club's management says Usher paid his tab with real money and left a generous tip-- also in real money.

Supposedly, the Ushbucks were used to promote his upcoming residency in Vegas in July.

Sure. I'm thinking some fool in his entourage most likely tried to swing big, but had little cash flow, so why not use the Usher fake money...

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#1 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Really, A-Rod? You can't control your bat, striking out with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer. Lopez. After four years of coupling, these two are finished-- thanks to Alex's penchant for swing at whatever curve ball comes his way. And you ruined it all for a reality TV star that you didn't even sleep with!?!?!

Sources say JLo doesn't trust him, and she can't live that way. The two are amicable, as they need to find a way to separate their businesses and real estate. What's really unfortunate? Their children (from separate relationships) are all around the same age. and are best friends. They will suffer the most.

How many muffins can you slam, Asshat?

P.S. Jennifer-- you knew his reputation. There is no magical vajeen that can stop a poonhound from sniffing around.

Dumbstruck

4/9/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 9, 2021:

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#3 REGE-JEAN PAGE

Oh, Rege. You've broken a million hearts with your announcement that you won't be returning for season 2 of Bridgerton. Yes, you felt as if you "stuck the landing" with the first season (there's more "sticking" we want from you, wink wink.) But you were being offered $50-thousand an episode for three episodes. Granted, I highly doubt you would've been shirtless or naked in those episodes (we can dream), but... what's my point? Oh. Take the damn money. And take your clothes off. You should be allowed to walk around naked at all times. I don't even know why I'm spanking you, errr, slapping you. Oh, because you're denying us your fine-ness. That's why.

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#2 LARSA PIPPEN

This hurricane of drama has decided to step away from drama because it's too much to handle. HA HA HA HA! Yes. This still-married to Scottie Pippen revolving-door-for-wiener has ended her relationship with Malik Beasley-- who was also married. And is young enough to be Larsa's son. Gag. A source said:

"He was going through a lot and the time wasn't right."

The timing wasn't right? Going through a lot? Like him kicking his wife and toddler out of their home for your ass? You were okay posting Insta pics of the two of you holding hands way back in November and clapping-back at people for calling you out for your sus behavior. And then you got all righteous telling people that they didn't know the truth, and that love is love.

The truth is: There's no wiener you'd turn down. And, you live your life with so much drama that the Kardashians don't want anything to do with you. The Kardashians!!!! Who are all about staying in our faces!!!! What does that tell you? That you're beyond messy.

P.S. Poor Malik. He's lost his wife and now his ho. BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

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#1 CHER

I can't believe this relic is still relevant. Well, she's not but you can't blame an old girl for trying. Because her fossilized heart was so full of emotion, she had to verbally vomit to the world that she would've prevented George Floyd's death had she been at the scene.

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAA!

Does she even know where Minneapolis is? She tweeted that she'd been talking to her mom and crying while watching the Derek Chauvin trial and said to her:

"Mom, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I kept thinking, maybe if I'd been there, I could've helped."

Yup. Crazy. Is the air in Hollywood different than our air? Because all these celebrities sound completely crazy. What in the af would you have done? Assaulted a police officer? Shimmy down a naval ship gun in g-string Depends? Thanks, oh mighty half-white privileged out-of-touch celebrity for swooping down and saving all of us minorities!

Is there any way we can get you to Sonny Bono yourself outta here?

Devil's Advocate

4/2/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 2, 2021:

HONORABLE MENTION: Machine Gun Kelly. Dude was cheating on his hot-azz girlfiriend, Sommer Ray, with now-soulmate/girlfriend/effbuddy/equally-hot-azz Megan Fox. MGK and Megan met while filming "Midnight in the Switchgrass". Sommer was allowed to travel to visit the film set. But when MGK was filming the video for "Bloody Valentine," she was told to stay away because of the 'VID. Hhhmmmm...... Megan co-starred in that video, and then the two started dating soon "after". Shame on being a swingin' wangler, Machine Gun. Props though for tryin' to be smart by using COVID as an excuse. An excuse that's believable, until it's not...

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#3 THOMAS MARKLE

Can the Queen grant Prince Harry's FIL the title of Royal Wanker? Because he one-thousand percent qualifies. This dude has done nothing but cash in with tall tales about his daughter, Megan. There ain't a dollar he'll turn down to share "his side of the story". And now that Prince Harry and Megan's Oprah interview made some heads explode overseas, as well as stirred the shizz up stateside, well-- Tommy Boy wants his say. Again. Because he feels he was "misrepresented" and wants to clear things up.

So what did he do? He wrote a letter. Took time to actually write a letter and hand deliver it to Oprah's security detail in Monticello. I'm sure Oprah will respond... NOT!

Go. A. Way. You're such a POS. Nobody cares about you. You should care about having a real, private relationship with your daughter instead of trying to suckle off her teat for a drop of validation and fame. Sorry. You'll just have to settle for infamy.

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#2 JEN SHAH, cast member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

The loudest mouth on Bravo's newest "Housewives" show is in trouble with the law. Big time. And it was all caught on video while filming is underway for the second season. Shah and her personal assistant (IE: partner in alleged crime) Stuart Smith are charged in a national telemarketing scheme. According to Homeland Security:

"Shah and Smith flaunted their lavish lifestyle to the public as a symbol of their 'success'. (But) They built their opulent lifestyle at the expense of vulnerable, often elderly, working-class people."

Nothing pisses me off more than a dirty thief! Especially those that take advantage of the elderly. Older people have worked their entire lives and have lived a long time. Let 'em be!

Both are charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering-- which could garner 30-year and 20-year sentences. This only proves how dumb these "stars" are. You're on a reality TV show. We have the internet. There are cameras around you! You can't hide your assery!

Didn't you learn anything from fellow Housewives Star and fellow felon, Teresa Guidice-- who spent 15 months in prison? All your fake fabulousity won't keep you from prison, bitch.

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#1 LIL NAS X

Congratulations. Everyone's talking about you, Lil Nasty. I don't care how you live your life. But most people feel that promoting a bromance with The Devil is not tight-- like in your newest music video. Whether it's satire or not, or art or not-- messin' with Lucifer makes people uncomfortable. Add in some Satan shoes, and you've delivered a one-two punch to a fiery eternity.

Congratulations, Part Two: You've made a pile of cash on your Satan Shoes. You've made more than half-a-million bucks from selling-out 666 pairs at $1,018. Nike is pissed because you bought some Air Max '97s and demoned things up by adding human blood to each pair. Because nothing says cool like wearing blood. And whose blood was used, exactly? Are you some undercover killer with some corpses at your disposal? You rose to fame based on the extreme popularity of "Old Town Road"-- which became a kids' anthem, whether you liked it or not, despite your argument that the song has adult themes to it. Oh, but you liked the fame and notoriety. Now that parents are upset at you, you're flying your big ol' middle finger:

"U decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. I am an adult. i am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. that is your job."

But you have no problem dictating and indoctrinating what you feel is important to said children. Okay.

You may not believe in a Higher Power, but most people believe in karma and reaping what you sow. What you've gained now is nothing. Why don't you really express your artistry and cutting-edge bullsh&t by doing something... religious? Oh, because spiritual stuff is stuffy but devil stuff is cool.

Enjoy that stripper pole ride to Hell... and the surprise party waiting for you.

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Jose Cuer-no

3/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Khloe made a goal-- reunite with her baby-daddy Tristan Thompson for his 30th birthday. Well, she did! And now she's wearing a rather large rock on that finger. Sigh. Yes, you share a 3-year-old daughter. Yes, you want to have another baby with Tbag. But... do you really trust the dude that cheated on you with your sister's best friend? He's saying and doing all the right things right now. But when he's out on the road playing ball, who's playing with his balls?

His snake cannot be caged. Nor does he want it to be. I mean, look at who's Number Two on this list as a prime example...

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#2 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

What in the actual f&ck is wrong with you!?!? You are engaged to Jennifer-Friggin'-Lopez. Four. Years. Together. And Little ARod can't stop panty sniffing. You're a complete idiot. If you're going to jeopardize your relationship, could you at least not dip your wick into the reality TV ho-bag pool? While Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm is hot, she's no JLo! Sexting some THOT for funsies is just stupid. What are you trying to prove? That you've still got it? You will always "have it" because you're ALEX RODRIGUEZ. The Dead Sea Scrolls can't contain all the women you've wanged over the years.

I'm glad you and JLo are "working it out". Y'all are most likely working out splitting your assets while she's resisting splitting your ass in half with her Louboutin-adorned foot.

Wake up! Put your c*ck on lockdown before you ruin everything...

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#1 JOSE CANSECO

This broke down, steroid-ruined asshat only tops ARod because he's just so played out. What did this fool do? He decided to throw his hat into the ring for JLo's affections. Please. After taking to Twitter to call Alex "the most predictable person on the planet", he decided to shoot his shot for Jennifer:

"(she) needs a man that's by her side 24/7... (and is) older than she is."

Age has nothing to do with ARod's wangderlust. But there's more. Jose would....

"fight for (her)..."

But...

"(I've got) two town shoulders and a bad knee."

That's so... not eloquent. Who would want your powder puff penis at this point? Madonna was already there in your prime time. And being all up in that is kind of like walking barefoot through Grand Central.

Do us all a favor. Sit down. Shut up. Disappear.

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Get Over It

Triggered Much?

What Goes Around Comes Around

Joshhole

Royal A-Hole

What A-Rod

Dumbstruck

Devil's Advocate

B-I-L-L NO!

Jose Cuer-no

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