Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Twin Pricks

11/4/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 4th, 2022:

Here's a duo of "DUH!" this week...

RUNNER-UP: PETE DAVIDSON

I don't think Petey can blame Kanye for this latest incident of bad behavior. His ass was put in time out after suffering a meltdown on the set of his tv show "Bumpus." What *allegedly* happened? Dude flew into a rage in his trailer, damaging a TV, throwing coffee everywhere.

No word on what caused his break, but he's due back to the set shortly.

Dude needs to call his therapist for anger management tips. There's nothing wrong with doing that! I'm sure his co-workers are so glad to be working with him.

That Big Dick Energy he has now means something totally different...

#notdelightful

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WINNER: NICK CANNON

Baby #12 is on the way. Twelve. It's good news for Alyssa Scott, whose 5-month-old son with Nick died of brain cancer nearly two years ago. With that aside, let's talk about his need to be so Biblical with "be fruitful and multiply." Some people defend Nick's super-sperming ways. Yes, it's his right and choice to populate the Earth. My thing? How are you able to afford these kids? But most importantly-- how much of a relationship can you have with 12 children? How much time can you spend with them? Get to know them? Get to be a part of their lives, their activities? It's not as if these children are all from one mother, which would keep them all in the same household. Nick has 6 different baby mommas.

Here's a rundown:

Twins Moroccan and Monroe (11) (with Mariah Carey)
Sons Golden Sagon (5) and Rise Messiah Cannon (born last month) and daughter Powerful Queen (1) (with Brittany Bell)
Twins Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir (1) (with Abby De La Rosa...who is also expecting another one any time now)
Son Legendary Love (four months) (with Bre Tiesi)
Daughter Onyx Ice (one month) (with LaNisha Cole)
Son Zen (with Alyssa Scott) (who passed last December) and now...the new one!

And how do these half-siblings get to know each other?

For the love of all things holy: put your D on lockdown!

A Boy With No Name

10/7/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending October 7th, 2022:

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#3-#1 KYLIE JENNER

I mean why not just slap a Jenner? Especially when you can't name your kid. When Kylie and Travis Scott welcomed their bouncing baby boy into the world, they initially named him "Wolf". But then they changed their mind. Even though the two had 9 months to decide on a name, they didn't. And when the hospital pressured them for a name, they spat out "Wolf". Why? Kylie said:

"I liked the WW,” (Scott's real last name is Webster). Right after I signed the birth certificate I was like, ‘What did I just do?’”

They haven't legally changed his name yet because they can't decide. They're waiting for the child to "name himself." Which is supposed to be a joke, but I'm thinking it's actually not because look at his parents. Please. Stick with Wolf. It's a badass name. If your child starts calling himself Shithead, is that going to be his name? You could always change the pronunciation to Shuh-thee-d.

Money Time

9/30/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending September 30th, 2022:

Two offenders this week. Two's enough in this case.

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#2 JIM EDMONDS

The former St. Louis Cardinals outfielder and current broadcaster (?) has had quite the life. In 2020 he divorced his third wife, reality TV "star" Meghan King. Why? Because she felt betrayed that he developed feelings for their threesome partner.

Yes. Threesome partner, Kortnie O'Connor. Oh, he just married Kortnie.

This would make marriage #4. (Touch my) Jimmy thinks this one's "the one":

“... for the first time in my life, I finally understand true happiness.”

Did you mean "humpy-ness"?

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#1 R. KELLY

Pay up, sucka! A judge in Brooklyn has ordered this pustule to pay two of his victims over $300,000 in restitution. The money will be used towards psychological services and treatment of herpes. He already owes at least $450,000 in restitution from his previous trial where he was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

It feels like he should owe way more money. And there ain't enough time he can spend in jail to make right all the wrongs. Yes, he'll be in jail for the rest of his natural life, and Hell's fire awaits him, but...

You're getting slapped because you can't get slapped enough!

Marooned in Your DMs

9/23/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 23rd, 2022:

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#3, #2, #1 ADAM LEVINE

Shall we call him Levine The Ween? Cuz this dude's slayin' in the streets as much as possible. At least, attempting to. An Insta model spilled some piping hot tea this week about her affair with the married-with-another-baby-on-the-way frontman from Maroon 5.

Summer Stroh (or should we name her "Stroke") said she was under the impression that Levine was no longer coupled, and that she and he had been

“seeing each other for about a year”

Adam says that's not true:

“A lot is being said about me right now and I want to clear the air. I used poor judgment in speaking with anyone other than my wife in ANY kind of flirtatious manner. I did not have an affair, nevertheless, I crossed the line during a regrettable period in my life. My wife and my family is all I care about in this world. To be this naive and stupid enough to risk the only thing that truly matters to me was the greatest mistake I could ever make. I will never make it again. I take full responsibility. We will get through it. And we will get through it together."

"Regrettable" cuz you done did got caught.

Oh, but there's more!

It appears he's chronically ill with "poor judgement". Several other women have come forth with claims of flirty messages from A-damn. Some of these messages include:

"Distract yourself by f****** with me!" "I shouldn't be talking to you you know (right)?"

His wife-- Victoria's Secret model Behati Prinsloo-- is shattered. But, they're working on their relationship. And, again, she's pregnant with their third child.

Not surprised by any of this. Especially when you have a song called "Sugar"-- which, apparently, you've got quite the sweet tooth. Or this gem from the archives, a 2009 interview in Cosmo mag:

“Instinctively, monogamy is not in our genetic makeup. People cheat. I have cheated. And you know what? There is nothing worse than the feeling of doing it."

And yet, you still continue. Must not feel too bad, huh? Hope your wife slaps a tattoo off your ass.

Liar, Liar, Pants... Off

9/16/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 16th, 2022:

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#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS

I don't know how these two ever fell in love and got married considering how toxic they are. Like, toxic waste dumps are amateur compared to these two. Meghs has gotten a temporary restraining order against her ex-hubby, Jim, after claiming he's been verbally abusing her over their child custody agreement. She claims he's been a complete dbag in texts messages, and through an app they use to co-parent.

I remember when she was a Real Housewife of Orange County. They spent a lot of time apart, and all she wanted was kids-- which he had with other ex wives and did not want any more. Well, she convinced him, and methinks he's still pissed. Of course, Meghs is no angel. She's recently divorced or annulled from her blink-of-an-eye marriage to President Biden's nephew. I think his name was Cuffe, or Curfew.

Perhaps either Meghan or Jim should exit the planet.

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#2 ANGELINA JOLIE

What a scheming bish! It's been revealed that she's the one that leaked the news that she was hooking up with Brad Pitt-- while he was still married to Jennifer Aniston. All the tea is being spilled in Rolling Stone co-founder Jann Wenner's upcoming memoir. He says:

"... the tipster was Angelina."

Brangelina were shaggin' at a resort in Africa when photogs knew exactly where to find them. She gave specific details to their daily walks and shared places photographers could "secretly" snap a pic of them.

So things have turned out well? Nope.

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#1 KRIS JENNER

The infamous momager took a lie detector test on the Late Late Show with James Corden to once-and-for-all stop the nasty rumor that she brokered the deal for the Kim K/Ray J sex tape that made the Kardshians a worldwide scourge. She passed the test. And Ray J is livid. Because he's trying to get away from all that now that he's a father-- which he takes very seriously.

Bethenny Frankel took to social media, on Ray J's side:

"This poor guy finally cracked because he’s gotta explain to his kids why he looks like he exploited someone else and why he’s left holding the bag.”

Bethenny claims that friends of Kris told her that Jenner hired hair and makeup pros to make sure Kim looked her best.

Gross. But I totally believe it. Sex sells. It always will. Even if it means selling your daughter.

Family Matters

9/9/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 9th, 2022:

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#3 SPENCER PRATT & BETHENNEY FRANKEL

I guess it's a part of human nature to want the dirt on a celeb. They have a public image and some people put them up on pedestals and have a notion or fantasy of how these people are the most wonderful ever. Spencer Pratt-- merely famous for being a reality TV star ions ago, decided to chime in on the trend of worst celeb encounter. He said: Lisa Kudrow. The lovable Phoebe from Friends. No!

“Oh, that’s easy — Phoebe from ‘Friends. Hands down, one of the worst humans I’ve ever come in contact with. By far."

And Bethenney, known for her own caustic tongue, concurred:

“That’s crazy. She was on my talk show and I had a crazy experience also.”

Ms. Frankel is not known to be warm and fuzzy, while Pratt is a known brat. So perhaps their hot take is ice cold? Regardless, why comment at all? Unless you just need attention.

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#2 BRITNEY SPEARS AND HER TWO TEENAGE SONS

While I'm glad Britney has been liberated from her conservatorship, I think it's clearly obvious that she does have issues. And while I don't agree with how horrible her situation was, she does need checked. Her naked pics on Insta and her strange ramblings on social media still show there's something not settled in her life. Putting your kids on blast publicly to get back at comments they made is not the route to go. She claims her sons are avoiding her, amongst other things:

"Jayden, as you undermine my behavior just like my whole family always has with, 'Hope she gets better. I will pray for her' — pray for what?. Do you guys want me to get better so I can continue paying your dad 40 grand a month, or is the reasoning behind you guys deciding to be hateful is because it's actually over in two years and you don't get anything?"

When it came to visitation, this:

"Preston would sleep and you would play the piano the whole time. And if I didn't shower you guys with gifts, and have amazing food ready and play a motherfucking saint, it was still never good enough, just like my other family. You secretly loved looking at me as if something was wrong with me. I didn’t need a family hiding shit in houses and whispering shit behind my back feeling subconsciously guilty because I paid for every fucking thing in both homes. I needed unconditional love and support. It saddens me not one of you have valued me as a person. You’ve witnessed how my family has been to me and that’s all you know. Like I said, I feel you all secretly like to say something’s wrong with me.”

Her sons didn't attend her recent nuptials because there was no other family there, and they felt awkward. But releasing this voice memo to shame your children doesn't make it better, nor teach them a lesson if this is indeed, true. This is not a way to repair or grow your relationship with your kids.

You're the adult. Do better. And kids, zip your lips. No interviews. You're only stoking the flames.

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#1 LEONARDO DICAPRIO

It's time to stop dating your children. Not that he has any children, but the ages of his lady loves are hovering around mid-20s. Which makes him papa material-- or poppin' Viagra material. He's back on the prowl after splitting from model Camila Morrone, 25-years of age. The best thing to do when mending a broken heart? Go and a find some replacement snickerdoodle!

He now has his sights set on an older woman, supermodel Gigi Hadid. At the age of 27, she might be too old for Leo. Gigi isn't feeling the vibe. A source says:

"They’re friends, but she doesn’t want to be romantic with [him] right now.”

Girl, you don't need to be all up on that Titanic. It will sink. At the wrong time. You have a buffet of wiener that would like to spend time with you. Stay away from the Blue Bird Special. And Leo, dare to date a grown woman. Or is that too much of a challenge?

Scary Busey

8/25/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending August 26th, 2022:

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#3 & #2 KATE GOSSELIN & JON GOSSELIN

These two formerly-married stars that shot to fame via their Jon & Kate Plus 8 reality TV featuring life with a set of twins and sextuplets refuse to go away. How these two ever fell in love and got married, I'll never know, because these two are toxic af. So what are they fighting about now? Jon says Kate stole $100-grand from their kids' trust fund for "living expenses." He made the discovery when he took custody of the kids back in 2018. Kate said she was borrowing it to survive. But how did she afford a $750,000 home that same year?

Jon says she hasn't paid the money back. Speaking of not paying money, Kate's lawyer has fired this:

“Kate’s integrity is impeccable. I can’t say the same for Jon Gosselin.”

Guess he owes over $130 grand in child support, not counting interest. And we know that's true, cuz dawg hasn't had a job since the reality show and since they divorced due to his infidelity. He's a scrub and she's a bish. Those poor kids.

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#1 GARY BUSEY

This assclown. The 78-year-old is facing four charges, including two counts of criminal sexual contact in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. He was there for a Monster-Mania Convention, when police were called to the Doubletree Hotel regarding the charges. He allegedly grabbed the backsides of two women before sticking his face near a third woman's boobalas and asking "where she got them." He supposedly also tried to undo her bra. Busey commented about the incident:

“Nothing happened.. There were… a partner, and a camera lady, and me and two girls… it took less than 10 seconds, and then they left.”

Okay. So if it's less than :30 seconds it's cool? Crazy phucker. Two days later, Busey was caught sitting on a bench at Point Dume Park in Malibu with his pants around his knees.

Please. Put your fossil ween back in your pants and go away. Gross.

Black (Eye) Keys

8/19/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending August 19th, 2022:

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#3, #2, #1 PATRICK CARNEY

Doing the hometown proud, aren't ya? This fool-- who is only bangable because he's a musician-- cheats (allegedly) on his wife-- fellow musician Michelle Branch-- then calls police when she slapped him across the face. No visible marks, but she's facing a DV charge because you can't handle your business. Apparently, you've letting your business get handled while your wife is at home nursing a 6-month-old. This all came out after Michelle posted on her socials:

"To say that I am totally devastated doesn't even come close to describing how I feel for myself and for my family. The rug has been completely pulled from underneath me and now I must figure out how to move forward. With such small children, I ask for privacy and kindness."

Then, she filed for divorce:

"... the parties are no longer capable of resuming their marital relationship and living together as husband and wife."

The two had been married for 3-years. In addition to the 6-month-old, they have a 4-year-old.

Just because you can snatch all the cookies, doesn't mean you should. Gross. You're lucky she didn't divorce your twig-n-berries from your body.

Wild, Wild, West

8/12/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 12th, 2022:

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#3 VICTORIA BECKHAM

It's all joy and bliss when you get engaged and are planning your wedding. What may not be blissful is any tension amongst your new family members. Nicola Peltz is Victoria's new daughter-in-law. She posted a teary-eyed selfie on the Insa with the caption:

“We all have days where people make you feel bad and it’s okay to be hurt by it."

According to sources, the two aren't getting along because Nicola didn't want Vickie's input when it came to the wedding planning. Now, this petty drama has become a "thing" which is just stupid. Now, Victoria and David haven't had much contact with their son because of this dramz.

As a wiser woman, you need to know your place and be the bigger person in a situation like this. She is a part of the family, and you need to let things slide. Any bride wants to plan the wedding she wants. Show some grace. Be as classy as your style.

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#2 TERESA GUIDICE, JOE & MELISSA GORGA, Castmembers/Real Housewives of New Jersey

This hot mess family will always remain messy. Teresa got married to her newest money succubus and her bro and sister-in-law backed out of attending. And now the fight is on! The Gorgas RSVPed "yes" to the lavish nuptials, but because Teresa has been spreading rumors that her SIL is letting her legs flop open, the couple decided to no-show. And Teresa is seething. She supposedly sent a bill to them demanding reimbursement.

"Meals at Park Chateau Estates and Gardens are not cheap. It’s rude to say ‘yes,’ and then change your mind in the 11th hour. This stuff isn’t refundable. Teresa got stuck with the check and to make matters worse, Joe and Melissa didn’t even send her a gift."

EGADS! It's happened to me. It's a part of doing wedding business.

An insider, though, has the Gorga's backs:

"They're not going to celebrate Teresa's new marriage when all she does is try to tear apart theirs. It's telling that Teresa didn't have one relative at her wedding. But that's the choice Teresa made."

This family deserves each other in so many ways. Being rich and famous doesn't make you a better person. It many times makes someone a bigger asshat.

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#1 KANYE WEST

As always happens, the Pete Davidson flame burns bright and hot and strong, and then-- POOF-- goes out. It's over between Pete and Kim Kardashian, and her soon-to-be-ex-husband couldn't be more thrilled. So much so, that he resorted to his usual childish, bullying behavior by going public with his glee. He posted a meme, a mock-up New York Times front-page headline that said: "Skete Davidson Dead At Age 28".

Kim was pissed, to say the least. And she wants it known that she is not reconciling with the father of her children:

“She’ll never get back with Kanye over the way he’s treated the people she loves and respects."

Even Kanye's fans are asking him to just stop. As for the Kim-Pete split, it was first reported that the reason was because he wanted marriage and she didn't, plus the age gap (she's 41, he's 28), but maybe it's mostly because of Ye. A source says:

"Pete's been in trauma therapy since April - and it's all about Kanye's online abuse. The attention and negativity coming from Kanye and his antics is a trigger for [Pete], and he's had to seek out help."

Yet cancel culture ain't coming for this guy.

Kanye West is a brat
He doesn't know where it's at
When his ego gets hurt
His large mouth will squirt
Vile and venom
Put your head back up your rectum
Where it belongs
You warted schlong

Will-Full (of it)

8/5/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 5th, 2022:

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#3 JOJO SIWA

It's so cute when celebrities fight. Grab the popcorn because public pettiness is a great form of entertainment. JoJo, who I think is famous from some reality TV show, is feuding with Candace Cameron Bure. It all started when JoJo was asked on a podcast who was the rudest star, and she said Candace. Why, because Candace didn't take a picture with her at the Fuller House premiere. So, Candace responded with a Bible verse. Then her daughter said something, and then JoJo's mom got involved...and the ultimate who-gives-a-f*ck social media catfight began. Now, JoJo's momma is saying:

“Real, genuine kindness always goes a long way. It’s super easy to quote a Bible verse when everyone is looking at you but morals are what you have when no one is looking.”

True. But all people have bad moments. And maybe, just maybe-- your daughter is a bit asshat-y. The reason she's getting slapped? I would never answer the question "who's the rudest celebrity you've ever met?" Because true rude people are known. No need to keep spreading hate. The reason she's probs the rudes to JoJo? Their belief systems do not align.

#realtalk

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#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

This bish. Not only does she peddle bullsh*t products and "health" practices, but apparently-- she's got it tough. Check that. Her children do. I know, pass the Kleenex. Not. She said it's really hard for celeb kids because they have to work harder because they're privileged.

"As the child of someone, you get access other people don't have, so the playing field is not level in that way. However, I really do feel that once your foot is in the door, which you unfairly got in, then you almost have to work twice as hard and be twice as good. Because people are ready to pull you down.”

Cue the violins.

The reason why it's tough for your kids is one is named Apple and the other is Moses.

One's a fruit, and the other's on a mountain waiting for you to STFU so he can come back down.

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#1 WILL SMITH

Just when you thought "the slap" would go away. It won't. Because Will won't stop addressing it. Will took to social media to apologize to Chris Rock. Though he hasn't done it personally to Chris, because Chris isn't ready. So, Will said "sorry" to Chris' mom, his family, and Tony.

"There’s no part of me that thinks that’s the optimal way to handle a feeling of disrespect or insults... If you hang on, I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.”

Yes. Because we used to hang out at Swenson's and then go home and braid each other's hair. Stop it! Why go public? Need to push an upcoming movie? Zip your lip until you actually speak to your victim first. Which he is not interested in doing. In fact, Chris addressed it on stage this way:

“Everybody is trying to be a f—ing victim. If everybody claims to be a victim, then nobody will hear the real victims. Even me getting smacked by Suge Smith … I went to work the next day, I got kids. Anyone who says words hurt has never been punched in the face.”

For the record, Will said that Jada made him apologize publicly. Which is only fitting since her death stare is what got everyone in this situation in the first place.

Please take your midlife crisis off of social media. Jada needs you to rub her feet.

<<Previous

Twin Pricks

A Boy With No Name

Money Time

Marooned in Your DMs

Liar, Liar, Pants... Off

Family Matters

Scary Busey

Black (Eye) Keys

Wild, Wild, West

Will-Full (of it)

About The Slap

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