OFFENSE: Jealous and hungry
E!'s red carpet queen is green with envy! She is fed up (ironic considering how stick-thin she is) with co-worker Maria Menounos and lookin' to send her packing. See, Maria has her own E! show and has a stake in the actually company-- which means she has clout and more cash. Adding insult to injury, other E! employees think it's time for Gi to go. Ouch. I guess it's because she's a real meanie now. We all championed her as she battled cancer and struggled to start a family. But now, she's one of the snarkiest snarksters out there-- and I'm snarky! LOL Sometimes, you just have to move on and create something new. Don't hate. Eat a cheeseburger and get over it. Now.
OFFENSE: WTF?
First of all, I am a Madonna lover. As a girl, I desperately wanted to be the Asian Madonna. But I am soooo tired of her... so-called 'pushing the envelope.' You done pushed it and fossilized it decades ago! Her getup at the Grammys was more like the "throwup" at the awards show. Why chaps? WHY!?!? Yes, it's great you're a 50+ year-old woman and you have a fit body (a bit on the Skeletor side, if you ask me)-- but save it for your boytoys! A woman can be sexy at any age without being ridiculous. There is nothing more cringe-worthy than a person who can't age gracefully. And for the past decade, no one is buying the notion that you're droppin' "E" and hangin' with "Molly" while gyratin' in da clubs. NO ONE your age, or even my age, is there for last call. Cuz that was so a 20-something thing! You're at home in your jammies eating organic popcorn and sticking pins in your Kabbalah doll. In case you ain't getting what I'm sending your way: No one needs to see your ancient ass or beef jerky wombspace!!!!
OFFENSE: The Biggest Ass Clown That Ever Lived.... EVER!
I feel the need to express myself in an open letter..
Dear KanLame:
Better check yo self at the nearest ER, cuz you've got Diarrhea of the Mouth again-- and with you it's chronic. Who made you the King of Everything? Your musical career has lasted how long? Almost 20 years-- three of which were actually good. You've fallen into that trap of: "I'm famous, so people give a f*ck about my opinion". Guess what? Ninety-nine percent of us, to quote one of your many shallow-end-diving fans, "Ain't give no f*ck". You're a rapper. You produce music. You're no ones savior; No ones hero. You are entertaining because you're wholly ridiculous. You're famous because there are a million sheep in the world with no musical taste. Beck deserved his honor. And even though you slammed him, he responded with grace.
And another thing: your obsession with Beyonce is creepy. If I were you, I'd watch it. Jay-z shouldn't be messed with. He HAS been to prison, and has real 'cred' unlike you-- suburban-gangsta-wannabe. You and your bubble-headed-butted wife can't even sniff the success and class that Jay and Bey have. They're Neiman Marcus; you and that thing are WalMart-- on a bad day.
The only award you deserve: The STFU Lifetime Achievement Award.
Imma let you finish what you were gonna say now...
Hugs,
Kathy xoxox
Madonna https://www.flickr.com/photos/u2005/
Fighting cubs https://www.flickr.com/photos/tambako/
Kanye West https://www.flickr.com/photos/jasonpersse/