OFFENSE: Sad sack
Boo-hoo-ing in an interview with Seventeen Magazine, our least-favorite Canadian refuses to go away. Refuses. But he's on a mission-- to change his image and to apologize for his past misdeeds. Beebler said:
"I was rebelling a little bit. I was getting cockier and cockier. I didn’t have people to check me. I looked back and I was disappointed in myself."
Disappointed? You should've had your ass kicked! His naughty behavior has included: a DUI, egging a neighbor's home, peeing in a restaurant mop bucket, and being charged with assaulting a Toronto limo driver.
Then, he laments about how painful it is searching for a good woman. He wants to find someone who's pretty, honest... someone he can just talk to. Sigh... didn't you have that with Selena? The woman you didn't cherish, but instead humiliated by calling fat and ugly and stupid in front of your entourage?
Whatevs. At least you already have the girl part-- by looking in the mirror, but the attractive and honest? One needs to possess those qualities to attract them. At your rate, well, I wouldn't hold your breath. Kindly zip your girlie lips and shoo!
Confucius Say: Wimps and wusses don't get pusses.
OFFENSE: Fibster
He's ballin' over his ballin'. The NFL has suspend him for being "at least generally aware" that his team won the AFC Championship game by playing with deflated balls. He's been suspended without pay from the first four games of the upcoming season.
And he's so sad that he's gonna be out $2 million. I bet Giselle is gonna beat him-- since she had no comment about the scandal. Perhaps if she'd let Tom have his "footballs" back more often, he wouldn't be so obsessed with them. The saying goes that "Cheaters never prosper". But you've managed somehow. Maybe the shame of having an asterisk next to your championships, as well as the continuing questioning from us real folk will make you squirm... at least a little.
I think we should rename you "Tommy Tomfoolery".
Confucius Say: Live by soft balls, die blind with carpel tunnel.
OFFENSE: Ri-dick-ulous
Tiger fell off the monogamy wagon and into the poon pool again. That's the real reason he split with Lindsey Vonn. At least he admitted to it this time around. Maybe another stint in rehab will help? How about vowing to not get involved in any relationship ever again? Or maybe you need to hire a handler for your club? Nevermind. You spend thousands per pop for someone to handle your club.
Are we really surprised? Perhaps this is Tiger's strategy to improve his game-- which hasn't been the same since his down-low dalliances surfaced years ago.
Regardless, a leopard may be able to change its spots-- but a Tiger is another thing all together...
Confucius Say: Wang that wanders often may fall off the vine.
Justin Bieber: https://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/
Tom Brady: https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithallison/
Tiger Woods: https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithallison/